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Beginner September 2014

Am I too old to ask ?

ashley, on July 21, 2013 at 5:47 PM Posted in Planning 0 39
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My FH and I live together and we are both are almost 30 ( born on the same day) should I even ask my parents for any kind of monetary support? This iis my 2nd marriage but first wedding ( first was a business transaction). I would love their help but I dont want to seem tacky for asking. Advice please!!

39 Comments

  • Over the Top♥
    Master June 2013
    Over the Top♥ ·

    Even if you were 18 on your first marriage I would discourage you from asking.

  • aspiecat
    Expert November 2013
    aspiecat ·

    Personally, if getting married at almost 30 means you are mature enough to have amassed something of savings and/or material possessions so, unlike younger couples just starting out, your situation is a little different.

    Wait until you start talking about your plans and, if either set of parents offer to help financially, you can decide whether or not to accept.

    But IMHO, yeah...asking is a wee bit tacky...

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    Ok this is me just a different profile. Why would you discourage me from asking? Are my parents just supposed to offer?

  • ForeverMyLove
    Master December 2014
    ForeverMyLove ·

    You're parents can offer if they choose. But in my opinion, you should not ask them to offer to help. You're almost 30 and living together. You should have saved some money to pay for your own wedding.

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    We want to get married I'm in school and we are trying to get financially stable I haven't really been talking to anyone about the wedding no one understands.. So I just don't talk about it the only one to support us ( emotionally) is my FH mother she is awesome. We are getting married on the beach in Panama City but thats as far as what I have come up with. I thought about not even mentioning the wedding to my parents again until December lol. Oh and I am the only daughter.

  • Amanda
    Master August 2013
    Amanda ·

    I don't think it matters how old a person is - if they're old enough to get married, they're old enough to plan a party they can afford. Trust me, if your parents want and are able to contribute, they will bring it up.

    FH and I originally planned a small, simple wedding solely based on what we could save. When our parents volunteered to chip in, we simply added that to the budget and let our plans get more elaborate.

  • Lacey
    Master May 2014
    Lacey ·

    Yeeeeah, I'd have to agree that you might want to wait to see if they'd contribute. If they don't offer, I'd just pay for it yourself.

  • ForeverMyLove
    Master December 2014
    ForeverMyLove ·

    I understand that you are in school and money is tight. We've all been there. However, if your parents want to offer let them offer on their own.

    If you really want them to offer, I think you should let them know you two are getting married before December.

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    We are having a small to medium size wedding ( 60 max) in Panama City at a beach resort. Im having 4 bridesmaids ( I had 5 but drama occurred) 4 groomsmen. Our colors are possibly either a bright pomegranate and orange or sapphire and diamond white. I cant decide on anything, I don't know what I want this is supposed to be such a happy time but its overwhelming and I'm doing it all by myself no one else cares its like i don't even deserve to have a special day. ( sorry pity party)

  • D
    Master May 2014
    D ·

    I wouldn't ask in fact I didn't... I am 43. However, my mom said she would like to contribute. I am still planning based on what fh and me can do.

    Extra money will be a bonus.

  • Catrapoin
    Expert November 2014
    Catrapoin ·

    I guess I'm in the minority here. I'm 30 and this is my second marriage (first wedding), and I asked my dad if he wanted to contribute. My first marriage, I didn't want a wedding, and he was hurt. He paid for my brother's and my sister's weddings, and I didn't want him to shell out money for yet another one. But since my first marriage was such a total disaster, he told me that when I get married "for real" to let him know. I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. FH and I are planning on financing this wedding 5/6 of the way. We can/will be able to afford the entire thing, but I know my dad will want to contribute. My mom doesn't have much money, so instead of asking her for money, I told her I'd be honored if she made the pillow for the RB and and some other things for the wedding.

  • Metal
    Savvy September 2014
    Metal ·

    We aren't asking our parents for anything, and will decline even if they offer. We're big kids now, with a kid (and we both have pride issues! not saying its bad to ask for help or anything, but I can't). Its our choice to get married, why should anyone have to help us?

    ETA: we are not having a wedding beyond our means... we live in an expensive place and everyone will be travelling to us and we are only having the most important ppl there, our immediate familes and grandparents. otherwise with ukraininan families on both sides, our guests list would be ridiuclous and we're not into the whole wedding "show"

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    My parents know we are getting married but I honestly think they think it is just a phase and it will pass. I know that sounds ridiculous but its the way they have portrayed their view especially my mother. My father is on board and has mentioned he is excited for me . my mother i have a feeling will show but my F MOL will be the one helping me into my dress. My mother criticizes me for all the choices I've made and would rather me marry rich then be happy ( sorry for the rant ladies).

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    I understand that Metal I think it just makes me sad sometimes that my mom is not excited for me. I am not even mentioning the wedding around here i want o get excited and get into planing but not having anyone to share it with is the pits. i have my FH but he is into cars and shooting guns more than wedding stuff. my friends/ fellow bridesmaids have their own issues so I avoid the weeding talk. thank goodness for net and magazines lol.

  • aspiecat
    Expert November 2013
    aspiecat ·

    This may or may not help you. My FH's family - parents and both sets of grandparents - are paying for most of our wedding, and I will be just 45 at the time. But I definitely didn't ask and I'm still against them paying, but they keep insisting LOL. I am keeping costs down as much as possible for this reason. (FH is an only child (and grandchild on one side) and they're a Southern family.) I am going to pay for as much as they will allow.

  • ashley
    Savvy May 2014
    ashley ·

    Thanks aspiecat that makes me feel a lil better. Good luck with your wedding!!

  • Nadine
    VIP August 2015
    Nadine ·

    It's not about being to old to ask. You just shouldn't ask I'm general. Talk about wedding stuff around them and maybe they will offer to help. But don't flat out ask. It is rude. Your mother does not have to support it money wise but emotionally she should be there for you

  • mrsrobinvalentine
    Master February 2014
    mrsrobinvalentine ·

    Traditionally the bride's parents finance the wedding. At this point, tradition isn't applicable in your case. Your parents aren't obligated to assist you in your wedding at this point. You & your FH decided to have a wedding then you & your FH should finance it. If either set of parents volunteer to assist you financially that would be a gift from them, not an obligation.

  • We'llAlwaysHaveParis
    Master November 2013
    We'llAlwaysHaveParis ·

    If you have to ask us this question, then I'm thinking you already know the answer.

    IMO, if you're old enough to get married, then you're old enough to pay for it.

  • Asheyna
    Super August 2013
    Asheyna ·

    We didn't ask either parents for anything.

    FH's parents haven't really contributed anything financially, but they are renovating a smaller house on their property so that we can move into the larger house.

    My parents have helped with the dress and are paying for the food/wine at the reception.

    But we certainly didn't ask at all. Plan the wedding you can afford.

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