7 years dating and no ring yet

A man once told me, "A man goes after what he wants". He's just not that into you. Unfortunately you have "allowed" this behavior to continue. You have not set boundaries and your clock is ticking and there is no sense of urgency on his behalf. Oh by the way, this man that told me this was my ex. He left me...which was my blessing because I would have held on forever. Fast forward to where I am today, engaged and planning a wedding to my soulmate whom I set boundaries and vested him out before I allowed him into my heart.

Do what you think/know in your heart is best. Try really hard to get rid of notions of "should" - I should be married by a certain age; he should have proposed by now; etc and make a decision based on what you think is best - no one can help you there.

I'm 44 and my first marriage started last week. Age doesn't mean anything - as long as you marry the person who's right for you.

Good luck!

Maybe he is planning the proposal?! And by you talking about it all the time means you are expecting it and ruining his surprise for you. That's what my FH did on our 3rd year anniversary. Although I told him that I wanted to be engaged before the year ends. He proposed in May. I would give him hints that I am waiting for his proposal. Until one day I gave up. By the time I gave up, he proposed when I least expect it and my nails were not ready. so you never know.

Your BF may want to get married, but he may not be ready or may not want to marry you. My FH was with someone for 17 years and never married her. We met a year after they split and we engaged a year later. What's for you is for you. You won't have to force it. You know your worth and what you deserve. Move out and take some time for yourself.

It just sounds dead end, status and proposal aside. The issues run much deeper, not sure what to think of his reactions. I think you're doing the right thing, get out of there asap.

I'm sorry @Shannon K but I think you're wasting your time if you're waiting for a proposal. Only you can decide whether being his girlfriend is enough for you. Is he an unbelievable partner besides this? I think the fact that he gets defensive when asked about getting married is ridiculous, and immature on his part. You're at the age and you've been in the relationship long enough, where that is a natural and normal conversation. For him to say you've been engaged since year 1 is just silly. I'm 38 and I met my FH when I was 32, about to turn 33. After wed been together a year we began discussing our relationship and where it was going. We knew this was it for us, and like I told FH, these were some prime child-bearing years. I wasn't here to waste my time.

ETA read your update. Ugh! How infuriating! Sounds like this is the best move for you!

It sounds to me like the relationship may be a little one sided in some areas. You even allowed him to compromise your walk day. Don't stay with him just because you're afraid of hitting your expiration date. Read the book "why men love bitches" changed my life and i stopped letting myself get pushed around.

I would try couples counseling. He shouldn't get mad and defensive about this topic if you are indeed engaged.

Shannon, it sounds like you need to decide if being married to someone is more important than being with this guy and you also need to figure out for yourself if he is marriage averse in general or if he just doesn't want to marry you. It seems like if everything in your relationship were perfect except the fact that you aren't married you wouldn't be having emotional difficulties. Your gut may be telling you something or you may be way too focused on the marriage part.

You should definitely be able to have a deep conversation without him getting defensive. I completely get your situation, my FH proposed after 9.5 years.. but honestly I got so tired of waiting and just lived everyday one at a time even though I had been waiting for the proposal since year 2. But I agree with some of the other ladies on here when I say I knew I wanted to marry him regardless. Sometimes it takes time, but again- communication is the biggest component to a relationship. It can be very frustrating though. Best of luck!

I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years. Madly in love, fully invested. All I ever heard was "you're the closest woman I ever wanted to propose to.." and yet it never happened.

So I walked. It was absolutely devastating. I felt like I lost my family, my life. I couldn't function. 2 years, I didn't date..at all. I was a hot mess express. I grew as a person and made some life changes. And then slowly(very timidly!), I started dating and met FH.

Your guy might be awesome. But he's not giving you what you want in your life. Good luck.

You are physically and mentally making yourself sick over a man who does not seem to care. Some guys need a lot of time to prepare themselves for marriage. It is a huge commitment. However, in this case I don't think that your BF ever going to be ready. It will never get easier to walk away from him, but you need to do what you have to in order to take care of yourself. I do not agree with ultimatums at all, but since you gave one, you do need to stick to it now.

This sounds like emotional abuse to me, look it up, it's a real thing and it happened to my brother, he was serious with his GF for 5 years, begged her to go to couples counseling because she would play games with him and manipulate him but she didn't see anything wrong with her actions, after 5 years and both of them being in early 30s they broke up. It was really hard at first but now he's so much happier and gained weight back and is dating again and feels freedom from her being gone. Just leave, he had his chance, you made it clear, marriage isn't a game and he is just playing childish games. If you live with him then he already has everything he wants, at this point you sound really disappointed and I think you just need to be single and have a fresh start. What does your family think? If you family thinks he's dragging you around then he probably is, listen to your close friends and families opinions on him too because they know you and probably have seen your physical appearance change too.

OP, I hope you come back with an update! We're all clearly thinking of you....

OP, I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like this guy doesn't want to commit. He's giving you false hope. I would leave..

Wow this sounds like such dajavu. I was in the same boat. I waited 14 years!!!! We have 2 kids together. Almost 11 and almost 4. Although it would kill me that we weren't engaged I knew that no matter what I was gonna stay. I hated seeing all my friends getting engaged when they were only with there s/o for like a year. I always thought " what's wrong with me, why am I not good enough, doesn't he love me enough knowing how important it is. Ultimatums are never good especially with marriage. But if you can't have this kind of conversation with him, think about all the other conversations you guys are not going to be able to have and how you will have to bite your tongue and be miserable. A relationship is supposed to be 50/50 No matter what! Nothing less,nothing more. So if you don't feel like it is or think he is someone you can't have that with then you need to rethink everything and take some time for yourself. Good luck sweetie. Your day will come i promise. Just don't ever put your feelings or what you want on the back burner for anyone!

I can understand your frustration. I was there haha FH and I have been together 7.5 years now. I'd been wanting that next step for a long time, but it didn't make sense before. We both knew that, but I was pushing for it. Thankfully, we both knew it wasn't the right time and he proposed earlier this year (March) before our 7 year anniversary (June). So if it's right, it'll happen. If there's other things going on, you need to figure that out and either wait or leave. Maybe counseling would be a helpful way to express everything you're feeling. Alone and as a couple

Good luck!

I completely understand! We waited 5 years but we definitely talked about it along the way. It can be super frustrating! What are his reasons for waiting? Job security? Money? Relationship problems?

What kind of relationship do you guys have?

Although I waited and would get frustrated at times, we had an amazing relationship and grew together. However, you can't wait forever! Sometimes you have to walk away.

Wow! I really don't know what to say. However, I will say, ask God for strength and guidance. It would be a shame for you to leave him after all this time, but if he got cold feet before having the actual cold feet, then you have to do what's best for you. For me, that's too long. Way to long.

I can feel your pain in this situation. I was married for 8 years with my ex husband. (A bit different in situation) but I always want to have a child and make my own family. Since day one I had directly told him about it. He always said "maybe in the future" years gone by and my clock is ticking. And the last year of our married I had put my foot down. "Having a child or this married need to be end" He made a choice for himself. We were divorce in 2015. After a year and a half of recovered Now I'm engaged and getting marry in August 2018. God giving me a second chance. I found my soulmate and cares about me I wish you the best