7 years dating and no ring yet

My FH and I have been together for 12 years ... engaged for 1.5 years. This will be his second marriage and for years he was iffy on the idea of doing it again. I told him it was something important to me and he eventually came around ... I'm not saying all situations are the same, you have to read him and make the best decision for you ...

I think you're letting this consume you entirely too much. You shouldn't let this relationship affect your physical or mental health. It sounds to me like it's time for you to take a step back. You two don't seem to be on the same page.

It’s not so much that he hasn’t proposed yet, what would really piss me off is that he is doing these drunken fake proposals and really messing with your head OP. Not cool.

@Natalie I agree completely. He doesn't seem to be taking her wanting to get married seriously. That's the core issue.

Propose to him. His answer will make the decision for you.

Get out. Go find someone with similar goals. Best case scenario? He finally proposes and you spend every day of your marriage wondering if you forced him into it and why he wasn't excited to marry you in the first place. Plenty of people would be thrilled to marry you, go get you one.

The real question here is if he never wants to be married and just wants things status quo do you love him enough to just deal with it? If not cut ties and be on your way.

I'm glad to hear you're going to be seeing a therapist. I really hope that helps.

Based upon your clarifications, I have to agree with PP that he's not treating you fairly and doesn't seem to care about what you want. If you really want to marry this guy, then you should propose to him. But I think you should at least take a break from him and focus on taking care of yourself.

Does he know you're calling out of work/this upset about it? I'm sorry but I would be pissed about the drunken "proposals".

Don't propose to this guy.

After reading your comment, I think you know what you need to do

I read about psychological abuse and it's real. If he doesn't care what u are really feeling... u should consider. By 1 year u should know if u will marry or not.

I was w my ex for 5 years and I would tell him what I wanted. If I would of waited. I would still b single.

I wouldn't waste my time if I were u.

No ring no date. He gets upset and defensive. He's not being honest w u

I was with my ex bf for 7 years and he kept saying "oh I want to be engaged within the next few months" but it never happened. I finally sat down with him and I was at my absolute breaking point. Tired of his empty promises when he wasn't working towards the same goals as me. It was always something: waiting until he got the promotion or until he made X amount of money. Always an excuse. The next day after that convo I walked away from him. It was the hardest thing I had done at that point in my life, but almost a year after that, I ended up meeting my FH and I'm so glad it worked out this way. I found someone who's on the same page as me with life goals and values me more as a person. Loves me more. This might not be what you want to hear, but in my experience I was tired of waiting on something that was never coming with his empty promises. my advice is to walk away. No need to be unhappy anymore. It's important to be happy and crying every day is a very bad sign.

Hope it all works out for you.

I would never propose to a guy. I’ve read about women proposing to men and I just don’t get it. I think I’m definitely stuck on that tradition. Is there a female word/term for feeling emasculated? But when he proposed in that bar and he was wasted he said let’s go to the courthouse and I laughed along with him. I said no because A he was wasted and I didn’t know if he was thinking clearly B it’s not a joke to me - idk but I did say ok if u considered us engaged then ok - no knee proposal no anything - but he still says gf and our status says relationship - I also said to him change the fb status - that’s a huge huge ordeal for him for his friends and his close relatives to see - and he didn’t - so we were never engaged - today I attempted to go hiking and I drove to this beautiful spot and couldnt get out of the car - i sat in my car for a long time thinking about this - it’s affecting me that much - I need to fix it today

I hope you come back in the morning and read that comment you just wrote. You are destroying your life over a man who won't even talk to you. If he doesn't care enough watching you waste away over this, then he doesn't deserve you.

I can totally understand where you are coming from as FH and I have been together for 8 years prior to our engagement but we also started dating when I was 18 and so when he finally proposed (i was 26) I feel that age wise that was a good time because otherwise we would have been too young. While I do feel that I would have been too young prior to his proposal It would be a lie if I said I wasn't waiting for that ring during every holiday/birthday. We are getting married in a few months and I will be 28. Getting back to your situation, how old is he? I honestly feel that most men don't realize women have a biological clock which I think is part of the reason why we crave marriage so bad. I do think that in your case there shouldn't be a reason for him not to propose as typically by 35 people are well established in life and can make that commitment to one another to grow together and build a life together. Again i don't know your situation or his and maybe there is something deeper holding him back from proposing. To me it seems as though you are not 100% happy and I would recommend you two have a serious conversation and you should express how you feel. If he doesn't see you two moving forward its best to walk away from a situation and move on. You shouldn't have to wait 20 years for a ring, a man who wants to propose will do so and not make up excuses as to why he hasn't done it yet.

If he were to propose, I'm not sure you should accept. From what you've said this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

Marriage isn't a magical band-aid to fix this or any relationship.

Leave him, you deserve someone who can talk to you about his feelings. Someone who isn't going to lead you on.

After reading your last post Shannon I do think it's time to move on-it's draining you. He plays too many games and he isn't bringing any happiness to the table. It would be different if he actually talked about marriage in the future. You know deep inside what you need to do. just take care of yourself in the meantime

I'm sorry OP. I set my expectations with H from the beginning and we were on the same page and when we weren't we talked it through. You can do better.