7 years dating and no ring yet

He says you're engaged? But he hasn't proposed?

I agree that you should be able to have a serious conversation with him about it, but how often have you been bringing it up? If you've been constantly asking him to propose, that may be why he's defensive.

ETA: I do sympathize with your situation, my H and I were together for about 8 years before we finally got engaged. But, I knew that I wanted to be with him regardless.

We were together 7 years before getting engaged but we were both on the same page. If marriage is more important to you than just being with this man then you need to leave. An ultimatum is never the way to go.

I don't have any advice or words of wisdom, and I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to say I am sorry and good luck

So he's been saying it's on the horizon for the last six years? Are there other problems in the relationship?

ETA: agreed with PPs. Being together for a long time before marriage is totally cool, as long as you both are on the same page.

Honestly, this makes me a bit nervous. You obviously have a very serious, very personal, choice to make but without a good reason, that kind of postponement doesn't make sense to me.

We were together for 9 years before he popped the question, but we were on the same page as well, although I was starting to think he'd never do it because he had been saying it for years as well.

However, we are younger, but I do get the age thing. I feel like time is running out and we're "only" 29.

I have no advice except I understand your frustration

A walk date? You mean a date where you set to leave him if he hadn’t proposed yet? Is the absence of a ring the only issue here?

I completely understand if no one else does! It's like what's the hold up?! It doesn't take that long to figure out if you want to marry me esp we've been together this long -you know if I'm the one or not. This Nov will make 6 years for us. He literally proposed on a trip Memorial Day weekend when I least expected it. We'd discussed marriage happening soon but it was hard bc I wasn't sure if I was holding on in vain or being impatient. I prayed daily and asked God gave me clarity if I was wasting my time or not. I wish I had an answer for you, I really do. But all you can really do is decide if you want to continue waiting or move on. He may be saving up for a ring or trying to pay it off.

Life doesn't always work by the numbers. if it's important to you that it does, then maybe you're with the wrong guy because artificial lines in the sand don't seem to have the same impact to him as they do for you.

If your 'walk date' was Sept 1st and you didn't walk?

If you feel like you're 'waiting around"? (What's happening in the mean time?)

And if you, FSS feel that you're AGING, then you might want to look inward instead of outward.

You know, there is a saying; when people tell you who they are, you should listen.

I never really understood why "he" holds the key to the door that unlocks a proposal of marriage. Telling you that you've been engaged since year one, but after all of this time, he's calling you his girlfriend as opposed to his fiancée is a red flag (if marriage and your age are important to you). He must understand that a firm proposal of marriage isn't like menstruation -- it doesn't just "happen when it happens"; it happens when one proposes and the other accepts.

This is your life, OP. If this a deal breaker for you, it's time to get serious. Tell him you're not sitting around waiting for it to happen. If he panics and runs, you have your answer.

Walk away! I've been there and it's not good. Please don't waste anymore time. You've given him enough and he's not reciprocating.

The thing is… What's more important? Being with him, or being married? We are getting married on the 19-year anniversary of our first date (not quite the 20 years you mentioned). FH had been married before and said he didn't want to get married again. I told him how much marriage meant to me, but I would not force him or threaten him. I made the decision that being with FH was more important. Two years later after me telling him how much it mattered to me - in his own time-he asked.

How is the relationship otherwise? Any recurring fights? Concerns? If he proposed, is everything else good or is the focus on that masking other things?

My FH was kinda the same way. We have two kids together 7 and 7 months and we've been together 9 Years. He dragged his feet and talked in circles about getting married. Finally after 9 Years and Two Kids he proposed. It was on my birthday 9/8 this year. I've been wanting to get married since year one. Long story short I kinda nagged for years and then I stopped. I knew he was gonna marry me I just didn't know when. Well eventually he got it together and gave me my dream proposal. I'm glad I waited. And just let it happen. It might not have went as smoothly as others but I'm even more grateful and excited to marry this person that I've grown with over the years.

An uncle was with a woman for 10 years. She wanted marriage and family. Like you she was mid 30s. He swore he would never marry. So she left. 10 months later he was engaged to another woman, they got married after 18 mo together. I can only imagine what the other woman felt when she found out. She waited 10 years. But perhaps it’s the old adage- when you meet “the one” it changes everything. Ultimatums aren’t good, but in the end you have to live YOUR life the way YOU want. In some states you guys could be common law already and have to get legally divorced. Better look into it. More so if you are financially intertwined.

I dated a guy like that for 4.5 years. He always had some excuse: he wanted to wait until after he got tenure (he was a teacher), he wanted to wait until after he finished grad school (his third degree), he wanted to wait until he got a new job... it was endless. Finally, I said to him that we had to break up.

I told him I knew I wanted to get married someday to someone and if he wasn't my "someone" then I had to break up with him in order to find whoever my "someone" was. Roughly 18 months later, he was married to someone else. He didn't want to marry me.

Breaking up sucked; I won't lie. But because we broke up, I was brave enough to buy a house on my own, move to a new state and eventually find and marry my someone.

I don't know all of your particular situation, but I wish you luck in whatever you decide is best for you. Take care of yourself!

I've been with my FH for 5 years and I've always been upfront about my expectations of marriage. I told him once and never mentioned it again. I made it very clear that I wanted marriage and kids around the age of 30. He was on the same page and we just enjoyed each other. The kids came early and the ring came soon after. It's ok to communicate your wants with your partner. My FH thanked me for voicing my concern and never giving him an ultimatum. I feel like it's best to let things unfold organically. Maybe it scared him when you gave him a deadline. You should talk to him and see what's holding him back.

@oceankissed- FH was hesitant of getting married again too. His first was short and not swell. But when we planned to move in together I laid it out. I wanted marriage. And I explained why. He heard me. 3 yr anniversary of our first date, he proposed. Everyone was surprised-especially his family. Key was-I set my expectations. And I kept all my house stuff in storage in case I ever needed to leave and $5000 next money to get my own place again. Now I’m selling it all for wedding funds!

I dont know whats going on for you, but my FH and I are together 10.5 years now and we are getting married 2 days before our 11th year... We are far younger than you though about 10 years younger so for me it was ok cause i wasnt ready till now... But i understand your worry, I would suggest giving it some time before you talk to him again, sometimes its simply fear, remove some barriers for him, like planning the 'perfect proposal' etc. Men tend to be nervous about you saying no, i know my FH was.... All the best girly!!

In our first year of dating he asked me to marry him at a bar and I thought he was joking. He now says he wasn’t and I turned him down. He was drunk and this seems like bs he’s feeding me to make me stop talking about it. It did work. Because he also said he proposed again this other time we were in my car. I don’t remember that at all but he insists it happened. So I accepted that we were engaged no ring. I told him he needs to address me as fiancé then and make it official or it’s not serious. Two days later he introduces me to a coworker and calls me his gf. And my heart plummeted. This was right before my bday this year.

I didn’t start officially waiting until 4 years in because he finished school. We had money issues and a lot going on. But I’ve been very direct asking what he wants. He swears up and down he wants to marry me. I do regret not walking on my bday. I laid in bed all day crying for hours on end. Been crying almost every day since then and it’s been almost 2 months.

He does not want to talk about it. If I bring it up he says I’m ruining his plans. I’ve got to say tho I’m 99.9999% sure it’s not happening and he hasn’t even thought about it.

He was pretty unromantic on my bday. I know he doesn’t have anything planned for our anniversary. I feel like I’m expecting a lot more from him now that it’s been so many years. It seems he doesn’t know me that much anymore.

Our anniversary is the end date. I’m completely miserable to the point of being non functional. I haven’t been eating and have been taking off work calling in sick. He keeps saying how great I look I guess because I look so much thinner. Which makes me sad. I don’t want to see friends or family. I stopped cleaning my house. I’m depressed at this point and I feel rejected. I made a therapist appt for next week. I want to go on medicine I need help. I keep having flashbacks of the happy outgoing bubbly girl I used to be. Never have I felt like this before.

Part of me keep saying why are you waiting until the anniversary because you already know the answer?