7 years dating and no ring yet

If he wanted to be married, he would have proposed by now. If he doesn't, you're going to end up with a miserable marriage even if you bludgeoned him into proposing. Please get out of there.

Based on your comments, it doesn't sound like this is a wonderful relationship that's just missing a ring. My FH and I were together nearly 13 years before we moved forward with marriage. Not to say I didn't want to be married years ago, but I loved him and my goal was always to be with him the rest of my life and was okay doing so without getting married if that's how things went. He was a child of nasty divorce that made him very afraid of marriage. Some huge life changes for us recently made him look at things differently. This doesn't sound like you are happy in this relationship. Getting engaged and getting married isn't going to magically fix anything.

I get that you are upset, but you seem to be acting extreme and it is very unhealthy. I would seriously recommend talking to a professional. Based on what you've said, none of his "proposals" were legitimate if he and/or you were drunk at the time so you cannot assume you are engaged. I really think you should consider why he may not have proposed as of yet. There are many of possible reasons.

My FH promised to marry me on our first date and gave me a promise ring early in our relationship which I wore until the day he proposed. We have been together 10 1/2 years now and are getting married next year. He was not ready to propose sooner because he wanted to have a secure job and financially be able to afford a home and the wedding with me. Could this be a similar situation for your boyfriend? Does he have a secure job? Is he saving money? Do you live together? A house and a wedding are extremely expensive. Relationships take time and commitment. If he is not ready, I would give him some space since you already made your intention to marry him known. If he says he is trying to surprise you then I say give him the time to do so. If you don't believe it will ever happen, that he's lying to you, is not serious about the relationship, and you do not want to wait around then end the relationship. It's not like another man is going to magically appear to propose though, so your age should not factor into this decision. If you feel he's using you and you can do better, then move on. Focus on making yourself happy for a while before trying to jump into a new relationship. If you believe he loves you and does want to marry you then let him have some time to figure it out. We don't know him and don't know what his intentions are so this is a decision that you need to make.

OP, this makes me sad and I'll be honest with you - I don't think he's going to propose. If he sees how miserable you have been lately and he won't even entertain this conversation with you, it makes me question how much he really cares. The whole fake proposal thing is weird as well. At the end of the day, it seems like marriage is something that you want and you should put your happiness first.

I have been with my FH for 7 years. We always talked about marriage. He always brought it up. This is both of our second marriage! He never got on one knee but he kept bringing it up and said when are we going to start planning let's pick a date and do it. So we did!

I think he may be feeling too much pressure. As PP post suggest you need to figure out what is important. You should never sacrifice your dreams for someone else. If it is important to you and he can't give you what you want then you know what to do.

A ring isn’t going to fix the issues your relationship is having. It’s going to make them worse because now you are stuck with them for life. Be in control of your own happiness. If he’s not making you happy then leave. Seven years ain’t shit when compared to a life time of unhappiness. I rather be single and happy than married and miserable. Cause believe me you will be miserable.

@shannon - I have read your story several times - you sound like me 27 years ago. I was living with someone that I loved dearly. We lived together almost 4 years. He didn't value me at all - beyond anything I could do for him. He kept promising me that we were going to get married, be patient, he just wasn't ready for that "level of commitment" but he also couldn't "bear the thought of me leaving" so the promises kept coming and kept being broken, and I kept staying. I was heartbroken every day. I gave ultimatum after ultimatum - he would do some wonderful romantic thing and I would let each ultimatum pass unchecked.

Then my mother passed away unexpectedly, and that loss and emotional pain piled on top of the pain I was already feeling was TOO MUCH! So within a couple of weeks of laying my mother to rest - I got myself into therapy and on a good antidepressant. In a months time I started to feel much better. The fog in my head started to clear and I started using my brain to think about the situation I was in, not my heart. It also changed how I responded to him and his emotional games too - it ceased to matter to me if he came home or not, if we went to dinner or not, if he even still wanted me or not - because I was focusing on making myself better. I spent 4 years making his life wonderful and what had it gotten me - NADA! I decided it was time to move out and move on! I found a place of my own! Because I had set so many ultimatums that I didn't enforce in the past - when I told him I was moving out - he didn't believe me and still didn't up until I started packing my stuff 2 weeks before I was scheduled to move. Those last 2 weeks after it finally hit him that no I really was leaving - Prince Charming showed up - but he was 3 1/2 years too damn late. I left and I never looked back!

Shannon - you are so much stronger than you know! You just can't see it right now because your heart is broken and he's playing games with it. You deserve better, but it's ultimately up to you to realize that. Whatever you do - DO NOT MISS THAT THERAPIST APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK! I don't care if he wakes up in the morning looks you in your eyes and professes his undying love for you and proposes in the most beautiful way you have ever imagined - KEEP THAT THERAPIST APPOINTMENT. I don't know if you are reluctant to try meds but I would STRONGLY encourage you to seek medical help and get on anti-depressants. They will help tremendously to clear your head so that you can begin to think more rationally about your situation. That combined with a good therapist will change your life - I PROMISE YOU. You are in a very unhealthy relationship but it doesn't have to be like this forever - you can change it. Don't beat yourself up over not having left on your birthday, don't beat yourself up if you don't leave on your anniversary - just get into therapy and talk thru your next steps before you make any more ultimatums.

Honestly everything from this point forward isn't and shouldn't be about HIM - he's sucking the life out of you - it's about YOU getting your power back and getting back to that bubbly happy go lucky girl that is still in you. She just needs a reason to come back out to the world - GIVE HER ONE!

All the best my dear...

If he says there is no rush, he means there is no rush. A colleague had been dating a guy for 6 years, she wanted to get married and start a family but he dragged his feet for years, she finally told him on so and so a day if there is no engagement yet I am walking, the day rolled around and no engagement, so she packed up her stuff from the apartment they shared and sat on the couch waiting for him to come home, when he got home, she handed him her set of keys and said she was doing as she promised she would and left. A week later they were engaged. If marriage is something you want more than you want him, then you need to be honest with yourself and him. Leave and chase after your own dreams, if he comes after you with a ring then thats wonderful, but if he doesn't then you go after what you want.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. H and I will be together 6 years in December and just got married last weekend. After a couple years of talking about it off and on, early this year I told him I want to be married by the end of this year, and I would prefer to be engaged with enough time to plan a wedding. And that I refused to engage in any additional "when we're married" type talk until we are engaged. I also saw a fertility doctor last year to ask about freezing my eggs (I'm 33 now), and straight up told him that if I do it, I think he should pay half because its only his indecision that is causing me to potentially go through this process. So these things kind of opened his eyes.

We ended up getting married, but had we broken up NO WAY would I go through all that again. What pushed me over the edge and forced the conversation early this year is that I realized I want to be married and I like the idea of having kids, and if he and I were to break up, within two years I am 100% sure I would be married to someone else and planning for kids with them. Because I have complete confidence that I am desirable to other people and now that I know what I want, I wouldn't waste my time with anyone who doesn't want the same thing.

I also now would tell anyone who isn't married that if you don't know after two years, break the eff up and move on (unless you're totally cool w not being married!) ...... Because if you haven't figured it out by then, you aren't going to.

FWIW part of what took H so long is that he feels like he has known for years that we would be together forever, so there was no rush until I got to a point where it was seriously making me crazy and making me question our entire relationship. And after he proposed he said he was annoyed with himself for not doing it way sooner. So I wish I would have pushed the issue more a few years ago, for my own peace of mind.

Who really knows someone in a few years? I wanted to be with him no matter if we were married or not as long as we were committed. I wanted to Wake up to him and fall asleep with him. I've never pressured him to propose to me or marry me I waited 10 years and he finally asked me. It was well worth waiting for If it's not broken don't fix it! And when gods timing is perfect it will happen. Learn him now. You don't want to rush and make poor decision making.

My mom has a live in partner, they've been together nearly 15 years. They're not married, they're happy and they're not alone. I know being married is important to some, but to me, being content is all that matters. Sometimes that symbol and title can freak people out, is the relationship otherwise rewarding? Or is that one thing causing it to deteriorate? If it's not, has it become a relationship of convenience? That would be the bigger problem if so. It's obvious you want or feel comfortable with different things. It seems his responses are him being afraid of your reaction and trying to comply but he's hesitant. The breakdown in communication seems to be the bigger core issue.

You're wasting your time waiting for another "walk date". You said yourself you already know what the answer is. At this point chances are higher that if you leave him now you will find someone better who loves you and wants to marry you. And chances are very very low that you will ever be happy with this guy again.

Don't do what I've seen many women do and calculate that you've invested time in the relationship so you should just keep going cause maybe he's close to asking. Make the decision to take charge of your life and go out and find someone who wants to get married.

But @Jay not everyone is content with no outward symbol of commitment. If OP wants to get married, she has a right to feel that way. If he doesn't want to get married, he has a right to feel that way. If he doesn't want to get married, he needs to be a big boy and open his mouth. He can't keep stringing her along with these fake proposals and promises of one with a ring. If they're incompatible then it's okay and they can both move on but he's the issue, not her. She has communicated how she feels. Now it's time for him to do the same, even if it means the end of the relationship.

I know it's easier said than done, I know that you must have gone through so much together and you do love him.. but you're not happy. It sounds like he needs therapy too. He doesn't sound like a good partner in life if he isn't going to listen to your feelings. Like PPs have said, if he just doesn't want to get married he has a right to feel that way, he just needs to let you know this.

I think you need to tell him how important this is to you. We were together 4 1/2 years before we got engaged. We had frequently talked and even "planned" what our wedding would include. But there was no set date, so one day I told him that I think we should either get married or start having kids (I am almost 26 and would rather have all kids by 30.) He knew I was serious, so we got a ring and I wanted for the proposal. It was perfect!

Does it really matter whether you have a ring or not?

@Kate nailed it. He is absolutely gaslighting you. He seems to be shifting the narrative just enough to keep you off balance and engaged in the game he's playing. Your responses to the abuse are textbook, and my heart is breaking for you. I've been where you are, and I can tell you that rings and fb relationship statuses and titles are NOT going to fix this; they're not going to suddenly bring forth rainbows and pretty spring flowers. I've learned, through my own experience, to never tell someone what they should or shouldn't do within their own relationships. I'm going to make an exception now. Leave. Because even if you get that coveted diamond ring right now, this abuse will never stop. He has learned he can control you, and if this method of control disappears, he will find another one.

@LaGrosera, you're right, but this sounds like a case where one can't be honest because they're afraid of the reaction of the other and it becomes an unhealthy game. Is counseling an option? Or if you talk it out honestly, and you want different things, that's all you can do is stay together or walk. Not limbo.

This is not a problem that a ring will fix. Regardless of whether he's ready to get married or not, he's manipulating you, purposely screwing around with these fake proposals and whether they're real or not, and he clearly doesn't care about your feelings. If this relationship was in a good place otherwise, you should be able to have an adult conversation about where it's going, a timeline and what you are to each other.

DH and I were together for 5 years before we officially got engaged, and another 2.5 years before we got married, but we were on the same page about it. I knew I wanted to be married, but I also knew that he's my person and I wanted to be with him regardless, so if it took a little longer, it didn't matter. If your partner was otherwise wonderful and you were happy, I would just tell you to wait, but you should not legally bind yourself to this jerk. You've told us how unhappy you are, and he just doesn't care enough to even have the conversation. He likes having you around, so he won't tell you that he doesn't want to get married, but he won't agree to marry you either, and so he just keeps you dangling, despite the fact that you're miserable. If a friend asked for your advice in this situation, what would you tell her?

I've read through all the comments and your post, OP. You need to leave him. Your emotional stability and your self-worth are deteriorating because of a man that refuses to commit to you, and that's unhealthy and unfair. Please, don't put yourself through this any longer. There's a man out there that's waiting for a girl like you, and you deserve the chance to go find them.

Help yourself. Please, leave this sorry excuse for a man. There are too many issues here that would make a future marriage with him even more difficult. Not worth it.