7 years dating and no ring yet

S2B, I sure as hell wouldn’t have waited around for a decade, kids or not. Did he eventually propose? I’m not giving 50%of myself in a relationship. I’m giving all of myself. I’m not half assing my marriage.

Latasha, a shame for her to walk away after all this time? It’s affecting her health! She should leave!!!

My ex tried this shit. There were many many other issues, but he joked around being engaged, took it back. It was always a joke. Then he stated giving me ultimatums. Lose weight and he’ll propose. It got so bad, it affected me mentally. So I waited, I planned, December 2011, he told me to lose weight and he’ll propose on Valentine’s Day. Well, I lost 180lbs when I left his ass. Easiest weight I’ve ever lost!

6 years later I still have the emotional scars from his abuse.

OP your boyfriend is playing mind games, you deserve better. If it’s affecting you this badly, you need to leave.

@Latasha, not everyone believes in God (Gods) or follows a religion. OP's strength really should come from herself. ETA: it is not a shame that she is leaving after all these years. It's a shame when anyone stays in a dead-end relationship. There is no growth and she's only hurting herself and wasting her time with every second spent with this guy.

@OP, if I were you, I would tell a close loved one about your plans to leave, see if they can help you while your boyfriend isn't home, and get out of there right away. Every time you say that you are waiting on x date to leave, you are setting yourself up for failure if you don't stay true to your word, which has happened already. Leave NOW. It's time to stop pussyfooting around and take the actions (this is very hard, I know) to do the right thing for YOU. Do not wait til your anniversary and keep complaining that your boyfriend doesn't plan things. Guess what? Not everyone is organized or on top of things, and it's very clear that he's not really in this relationship anymore. Put your big girl pants on, enlist a friend and pack all your stuff up, stay with someone for a little til you can get your own place, and delete that fucker's number, unfriend him from any social media you have, get rid of any pics of him and the two of you. Just take him out of your life entirely. And while you're at it, please seek out counseling. You have to think about your wellbeing and you need to retrain your brain that you don't need anyone else to make you happy. That you deserve love and that the right person who will treat you with respect will come your way, and your current boyfriend is not the one. Good luck. Hugs.

We were together for 10yr before he propose. We moved in together at year 3, own a house and have made major decisions together. In 2015 (april), I did ask "are we going to be bf/gf for ever or are we getting married?" His response was "we are already married" I didn't want to engage on that discussion so I let it slide. In december of 2016 he proposed- got married at 36.5yo. Guys need their time to come around. Good luck!

@Z_Runner, not every guy takes a lot of time to come around. Maybe in your and some others' cases, but let's not paint all men as not being ready for commitment as soon as women are.

@Z_Runner, ummm no. FH was ready way before me. Most guys don't need a decade to decide if they want to marry you.

Guys aren't the only ones that can control the outcome of a relationship. Women are not fragile little beings that can't possibly make choices for themselves.

My DH proposed 29 DAYS after we met. I was ready at 28 days but gave him that extra day to come around.

ETA - comment directed at Z.

Honestly OP giving him an ultimatum isn't the answer because he will do is straighten up and fly right until a little after tbe ultimatum date. This isn't your situation but this is what happened to me. Ive been married before and I would tell my husband I wasnt happy for whatever reason and that if it didnt change by ....date I was gone. So he would do good until like 2 months after said date. Then back to the norm. He even began to tell me awe whatever you ain't going nowhere and move on with his life. One day I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and told him when you get home tonight I won't be here. And when he got home I was gone.

You're going to have to put your foot down and as hard it may be decide what and how much longer you are going to be able to put up with this. If you truly feel like you're wasting your time, then its time for you to realize that this relationship is going nowhere and although you love him your happiness is before your love for him. Then make a move to be happy. Move on with life and enjoy it.

Shannon, we want an update! Did you kick him to the curb? Did you pack up and leave? How was ur dr's appt? How are you feeling?

Shannon's boyfriend treats her like shit. A ring is not going to fix that no matter how long she waits.

My DH and I been together for 7 yrs before he propose. I mean he propose 2 other times before that but with no ring and i turn both down cause of drama and I felt i wasn't ready. After the 7 yrs he finally propose this time with a ring. That was

12.25.12. We finally tie the knot 8.18.17 close to 12 yrs together. If this is an issue sit and have a talk. I dont know why he say you're engaged then calls you his gf. That doesnt make sense.

I waited 10 years for my fiancé to propose but then again we started dating when we were 16. Don't be ashamed to give him an ultimatum it's your life too and if he isn't serious about putting a ring on it I'm sure there's another guy out there that won't waste your time. It's just not fair to you!!!

I also waited 12 years for my FH to propose.

However, we started dating at age 16 and there were things we wanted to accomplish before we even discussed getting married (i.e. college, grad school, buying a house). After we bought our condo, his younger brother got engaged (he didn't tell either of us ahead of time) and I was so upset - I also thought, "why am I not good enough?" - as another PP had mentioned.

We talked about it a lot and he always said soon. The day his brother got engaged, he had already had my ring... sitting in our closet... waiting for our trip to Disney World a month later.

My FH is a planner - everything has to be the "right" time for him. But when things were hard and I saw friends and family getting engaged much sooner than us, I had to make the decision if being with him was more important to me than the sentiment of marriage. Also, we're much better off financially, as well as in our careers and lives, than many of the others we know getting married.

I think you need to figure out if the ring/marriage is more important than being with this person. Are you willing to give up some of the things you saw yourself having or wanting to be with this person? Relationships are about compromise, and this is a big thing to compromise, but is it worth it to you to make that compromise?

I also would suggest counseling or therapy. I've done it for many years and have found a lot of clarity in what it is I want in my life and how to set boundaries and make it happen. Good luck @OP!

ETA: Grammar

Amanda, I 100% wouldn't stay in a relationship where i'm not valued or respected. I'm not compromising my self worth, or my values to stay with a man that has half ass thoughts of marrying me. Making joke proposals isn't funny, nor is it respectful No way in hell would I compromise myself for a man. No way in hell.

You don't measure a person by his/her words, you measure him/her by actions. If you want something he doesn't, move on.

And yes, it IS that simple.

I'm over 40, and was only with my FH 2 years when he proposed, but I felt similarly with the "timeline"--like, if we want to even try for a biological child, this is it!!!--and I'm not of the mind that people have to get married to be committed or have children, but it was important to me to state our commitment publicly. I surprised myself in how "traditional" I was in this respect. While I agree that women and men should both be able to propose, for me, I wanted him to. And a long time ago I would say to you that it's just not meant to be and move on...BUT, not now. Everyone is different. My cousin is now married with a child after being with her husband for 9+ years. And it sounded similar to your situation. I thought they had both decided to not get married, but she told me she had wanted him to propose. He was very reluctant...but eventually did (I think she was 38 when they married). He didn't get the timeline thing. Guys often don't feel the same way or even grasp it. So definitely discuss it. It may be that he isn't ready...and maybe he can talk about some of his fears. Only you know whether you want to continue the relationship or not. But an ultimatum isn't the answer. You just need to decide or determine whether you are ready to wait until he's ready...or not.

I was with H for 15 years before he proposed. We just got married 2 weeks ago. I am 36, so I get what you're feeling. I also was not willing to not be with him. I love him dearly, and I love that he and I are married, but signing a paper wasn't necessary for me to continue to love him.

I know there are people out there that think it doesn't matter...it's just a piece of paper and as long as you're with that person it doesn't matter. I disagree. I think this is about planning for a mutual future, making a commitment, and being in the same page. I think it's unfortunate that women get branded as being superficial or impatient if they want to get married. If it's important to you (and it is to me!) then you have every right to seek out that commitment.

The question here is do you believe it's truly on the horizon or not? My FH and I have been together 12 years but we're 30, and I never had doubts that that's what he wanted. Here it sounds like maybe you're not sure that he does want that?

I think it's important because as you say you don't want to wake up down the road and feel like you missed out on things (and from a practical standpoint, do you want kids?)

Best of luck, OP! I def think its decision making time.

I dated a guy for 3 years before we had the marriage discussion and his response was "that's not even on the table. Not going to happen." I stayed with him for about another 2 years and I was miserable and over 30. I finally broke up with him because I knew what I wanted and he wasn't going to give it to me.

If you want to get married, and you don't think he's going to do it, it's not worth staying in the relationship. It will hurt and it will suck, but you have to do what you want. Better to be alone than with someone who doesn't appreciate you. You deserve better than a guy who is going to put you off.

To start, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. In my opinion there's a difference between an honest conversation about what you need for your own needs and an ultimatum. Have a conversation and tell him exactly how you're feeling. Be prepared to walk away if he can't get on the same page. If he comes back to you after you decide to walk, I would be hesitant. You don't want to be a hindsight decision.

We were together almost 11 years before we got engaged. We met when were 18 and 19 and both were on the same page about our relationship. We knew after a year that this was it and marriage was in the future but he needed to finish college then ended up getting his PhD. And along the way we also bought a house together too. The length before engagement doesn't matter as long as you both are on the same page. I am sorry you are in this situation. It is something you should be able to talk to him about without him getting defensive.