Planning a wedding before "the proposal'. Everyone has an opinion...what's yours?
So we continue to have this conversation at work since there are 4 different employees planning their wedding in the next year or two. I personally think since every relationship is different in it's own way, the actions within it will also vary. Why is it necessary to have a ring on your finger before you "can start planning your wedding"?

Reina
Married: 1+ year ago
Posted On: Aug 16, 2011 at 6:49 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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KM
Married: 2+ years ago
Aug 16, 2011 at 6:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm adding this to my watchlist - this is an interesting topic.

Personally, I don't like it. I feel like you are robbing yourself of the excitement of the proposal and then the excitement of being "allowed" (for lack of a better word) to finially start planning.

But it depends on the situation too.....

Married: 09/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
i knew FH and i were going to get married before we even started dating, so yes i started planning my wedding before we got engaged. i only seriously started planning for it (placing down deposits, looking at venues ect) until we were engaged but i knew what colors and theme i wanted. We waited to get engaged for a couple of reasons: money, to please his parents, loss in the family. so even though the ring/proposal was not there we both new it was coming.

Married: 1+ year ago
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We had talked about it in advance and knew that we were getting married, though the actual proposal itself was a surprise... but, knowing that there wouldn't be TONS of time to plan (by the time he did propose, it was 8 months out from our desired wedding date!!) I did some pre-wedding research on prices of venues, photographers, etc... so then when we were "official" I could jump right on everything with no delay :)

Wedding: 11/15/2014
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:08 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
yea i think it depends... if like Heather, you're together and you know its going to happen and its been talked about, but you're waiting for something specific, then yea i think its ok to start looking and getting ideas.. and then like she said, wait for the proposal to be SERIOUS and do the deposits, etc... now... there are SOME people who are just dating and EXPECTING it and they plan, and then it doesnt turn out so well.... well in that case, you jumped the damn gun, scared the dude off and you have only yourself to blame!
dont make deposits and things without a ring... heck things can fall apart WITH a ring, why rush it?! ENjoy the relationship and not focus so hard on the WEDDING (thats what you should tell them, lol)

Married: 09/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Along with what Sabrina said, iv known girls i grew up with were with guys for plenty of years and would constantly talk about getting married with them but the guys werent really into the "marrage" thing. these friends spent 4 years of their life with men who never planned on marriying them. 2 of them did some serious planning and would drag the poor guy to venues. finally he blew up and said he never wanted to get married. anyway what im saying is make sure BOTH partied involved WANT to get married!
and i dont think you need a ring, but you need a proposal and a commitment.

Married: 05/21/2011
Reviews: 5
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Heather. Especially the part about not needing a ring, but definuitely needing a proposal and a promise/commitment.

Married: 04/14/2012
Reviews: 5
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:19 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I knew he was gonna propose and did not know when. I was secretly researching wedding venues, but I was keeping it hush hush, cause I didn't want to SERIOUSLY look until we were officially engaged. So when we FINALLY did get engaged, I started showing Fh and My mom the places I'd picked.
I think it's okay to dream about where you will get married, or what sort of wedding you want. But I don't know about really seriously planning until after the proposal.
But I also think that every relationship is different, and if you and Fh don't have a very traditional relationship, then I'm sure it's fine.

Phyllisann
Married: 06/09/2012
Reviews: 5
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:20 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Planning...How can you plan for a wedding if you haven't been proposed too? FH kept joking about "our" wedding when I would watch shows like "My Fair Wedding" and "Four Weddings", but I would never plan something without the most important part...your FS. We all thought about our weddings and wedding dress as little girls, but planning, I say nooooo way.

Married: 09/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
one more thing, FH and i wanted the wedding of our dreams and wanted to do it without depending on anyone for financial support. so i started researching vendors/venues to see how much "our wedding" was going to cost us so we new about when we would be able to get married and also to give FH a pretty good idea of when to propose. we talk about everything so it was REALLY hard for him to suprise me, and although i knew it was comming, it didnt make it any less amazing :)

Married: 01/05/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:27 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I told FH I wasn't going to plan until he proposed because I didn't want him to propose just because I planned the wedding. Kelly said it just exactly how I feel.



From an outsider's perspective, one could see this as being desperate, thinking wishfully and being pushy. But that's purely from an outsider's perspective, especially from one that might not know you and your FH. Not having a ring is one thing, but not having a proposal is something else. That's like assuming someone is buying a car for your birthday and spending all your money and time in picking out seat covers and rims. (lame example, but it makes sense to me)

Plan away, but I wouldn't go forward as if you were already engaged unless you know he's on board for a wedding without a proper engagement. People won't understand and I don't think there's not much more you can do besides state your position or say "whatev".
Edited On: Aug 16, 2011 at 7:30 PM

Married: 12/31/2011
Reviews: 5
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:32 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I started planning my wedding without a ring or a real proposal.
We spent many nights talking about wanting to get married and one day decided that yes we wanted to do it. We agreed on a date and put a down payment on a hall. That was in December of 2010. We even changed our facebook relationship statuses. I started dress shopping and purchased my dress in February....he didn't actually propose until my birthday, March 5th.

Yes, many people asked the famous, "how did he propose" and 'let me see the ring"...but I didn't let that make me feel any less engaged.

Married: 09/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Jen L - good point, when anyone tells me they are planning and NOT engaged i think they are stupid even though i did it lol. it sure depends on the people involved and their maturity level, and their reasons for doing it the way they did. i dont like the girls who "dream" up their wedding before a proposal (and especially without talking to he future SO first) and talk about it like its around the cornor. i feel bad for both partied involved. and it does look pathetic. i never told/bragged about the wedding i was planning before the ring, and i still dont, so you all and FH are the only ones who know i did :)
Edited On: Aug 16, 2011 at 7:34 PM

Rachel W.
Married: 05/27/2012
Reviews: 9
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We talked about it many times, but I didn't do a single second of planning until a couple of weeks after we got engaged. Our first engaged couple advice was to just enjoy being engaged, don't start planning right away. And we pretty much stuck to it (FH had an easier time with that than I did). But we didn't start talking budget and looking at places until a couple of months had passed.

I don't think it's really right to start planning a wedding without SOME mention of a wedding. If you and FH have talked about it, know that's where you're heading, then it's ok to look around and get a feel for it. But PLANNING out the details is kinda scary.

Married: 10/07/2012
Reviews: 6
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:03 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We knew we wanted to get married a year into our relationship, we kind of looked at things for price sake. Then a year and a half later (a couple months ago) he decided he wanted to go take a look at a venue we talked about. He hadn't proposed yet. We talked about a date and placed a "soft hold." We the venue called and said another couple wanted our date he said they couldn't have it so we booked it. Then 2 and a half weeks ago he proposed. I was extremely shocked and having a venue booked already did by no means take away from his proposal or the surprise. After getting the ring we decided to "officially" announce our engagment. It was still a storybook moment for the both of us when he proposed and I wouldn't changed how we did things.

Married: 11/11/2011
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
depends on what you mean.

Type one: girls who do not have a ring or their propose was not one knee big deal just a hey will you marry me. this girls are engaged they are just not happy with the way it happened a little bratty IMO

Type two: girls who do not have their mans involvement at all and no agreement to wed. these lady's are desperate and a little sad.

Married: 1+ year ago
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:25 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Renee, I know what you mean about it not taking away from the surprise... we had already had serious conversations about marriage, and had decided "Yes we are getting married," and "This is when we would like to get married." Fairly specific. I even helped him pick the e-ring... AND I was still SOOOO totally surprised when he really did propose!! It was great!! :)

Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 2
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:33 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Ednabugg, You and I are on the same page..... Initially and still sometimes I'm like geees' ring already man..... but then I think of that moment when he does it... It will just as special as if I already had it.. I too thinks its backwards, but then my life hasn't ever been to the T.... I guess its all in one's perspective. He and I both talked it over and felt like we wouldn't waste eachothers time without knowing a commitment was coming (marriage), then the talks of where, when and the HOW.... I then made some calls and found our location...We both took a look and made our own deposits together. His money and My money combined, decided our intentions. Which when done, I sat in my car like OMG this is REAL.... giggle, I loved it and felt is was and IS the best decision I've made in a while. Too happy is my name.

2d Bride ®
Married: 10/06/2009
Reviews: 10
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:35 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
As far as I'm concerned, once the two of you have agreed to get married, you are engaged--with or without a formal proposal, ring, etc. In our case, we never even had engagement rings, but we still ended up married. So if a bride is planning in this situation, I see no problem with it.

If the bride is planning when the groom hasn't yet agreed to marry her, that's a far different situation.

Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 2
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:36 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thats true 2d bride....

Meghan
Married: 08/20/2011
Reviews: 3
Aug 16, 2011 at 8:39 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We started planning sort of before the official proposal- but in very general terms. We talked about what season we wanted to get married in, whether we wanted a big or small wedding, etc. We didn't look at venues or anything like that.

I think you can be engaged without a ring, but I think an official proposal should occur before you start really, really planning- like talking to vendors. Getting ideas together, looking at magazines for dresses, or talking about the type of wedding you want to have is one thing. Interviewing a photographer, trying on dresses, and selecting invitations is another.
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