Planning a wedding before "the proposal'. Everyone has an opinion...what's yours?

I do think proposals and rings are important. it shows a dedication, a commitment and the love you have for each other. although i began planning our wedding before both, i wouldnt have made any perminent desicion without either. in my opinion guys arent really obligated to do much but show up to their wedding, so buying a ring and putting together an awesome proposal is all they have to do, they should do it and give 100% (if it makes their lady happy)

I would def not plan a wedding before a proposal. Even after we got engaged I didn't plan anything until we set a date.

@Heather T.: Perhaps that's why I consider the proposal not terribly important. I would never have tolerated a FI ("guy" or otherwise; I've had one of each) who was not a full equal partner in planning the wedding.

I agree with the majority here. I started checking out general ideas several years ago. However, we did not go to actually look at any venues until he had actually proposed to me. We wanted to wait until we were in a better position financially and the timing was right. We also have talked about our future and marriage many times. I didn't know when he was going to actually propose but it was not a shocker to me. Everyone knew it was coming sooner or later.

I agree with 2d Bride, there has to be some sort of agreement, i see no problem with that at all but when you two haven't agree on it yet, I think that's a little creepy and perhaps a little pushy and that's one thing a woman should never do, putting pressure on a man to marry her.

FH and I both sort of agreed to get married, I wouldn't call it an official proposal like how people would imagine, we've discussed marriage before, and one night he asked me and I said yes, that same night we both agreed on a timeline, no ring...our situation is far different because neither of us wear jewelery so it was absolutely fine to get to it.

I kind of started planning ahead of time. I mean, it was understood that eventually we were getting engaged...it was just financial issues with the ring. He didn't want to propose without one... so we weren't "officially" engaged... but we knew lol

We're not engaged, but for reasons of work we ended up having to talk about the near future and that's when he said well I was planning to get married next year... I was asking for something different, I was asking for rent wise. So after knowing his intentions to propose this year I told him planning a weeding takes time, so we decided to start looking at venues. He thought planning a wedding just took a month or so

I think it depends I personally didn't start planning a wedding until the ring was on the finger. However I do know some woman who have picked venues, colors and been dress shopping all before he got on bended knee. I suppose it just depends on the relationship I'd rather not pass judgment on those who have planned before a proposal because I don't know all the details of the situation. And besides secretly many of us have been planning our perfect wedding since before we were allowed to talk to boys on the phone lol ( exaggerating but you get my point)

We had talked about it and already decided we were getting married. We picked out my engagement ring and looked at one venue (that books quickly). He was just waiting to surprise me with the proposal. After the actual proposal we set a date, really started looking at venues, I went dress shopping, etc...and here we are!

I basically agree with most posts on here...if it is discussed and known that you are getting married, then planning some things is fine and PRACTICAL. However, if you're just wanting a WEDDING and haven't agreed upon the status of the relationship aka MARRIAGE, then you might want to live vicariously through 4 weddings and Say Yes to the Dress until you both want and agree to spending the rest of your lives together.

Like Carolina, me and FH aren't "engaged" as in with an official proposal, however we've agreed to get married and he brings up wedding details and he has used the term fiance for me. So I'm not doing any serious planning, just lurking around here and gathering ideas.

Well Im doing this. His plan was to buy my ring the begining of this year instead we bought a brand new car (overly needed one of the others broke down). So I said IDK we will get the ring later but he hates saying we are engaged w/o "the" ring on my finger. I do have one I wear (cause of my job its better to have one on your finger). But I now know mine will be coming anytime between now and Christmas. So excited!!! Cant wait!!!

So do whatever you like cause its your fairy tale and no one elses.

Two things-

I don't get the whole engaged without a ring thing. You can get a very inexpensive ring and upgrade it later so I think that's a cop out.

Second, planning before you are engaged is asking for a major let down. I know. I did it. We had a time of year and the year picked but I had no ring and no formal proposal. If he isn't willing to give you those things, he isn't engaged to you. If he isn't engaged to you, you should not plan a wedding. Planning a wedding is for engaged people.

I think there's a difference between planning and researching... I defintely did some researching when we were in that middle stage of agreeing that we ARE getting married, but without actually being engaged... but I didn't plan anything (i.e. set a date, hire a vendor, make any sort of final decision) until after it was "official."

For me, researching was essential because I knew we wouldn't have a whole lot of time to mess around with things after we were actually "official"... lol. Once the proposal happened I was able to get right down to business with a venue, having already sorted out the definite "no's".

My situation is a bit different the person I love is over seas (Scotland). We have been "together" for 2 years in September we talk all the time (every night 3-5hrs). We have decided together that we are getting married next year and have started making little plans, but no deposits.

We aren't "officially" engaged because he wants to do that in person. Which sadly will not be until December 2011, and we want to get married in March 2012, in Scotland. The sooner we get married the sooner we can actually start our lives and live together. So, I am planning and looking at venues, ideas, etc. Because December-March is not a whole lot of time.

We were planning our wedding.... like actually getting my BM's fitted for their dresses and ordering them BEFORE the ring. Our orginal wedding date for 2012 had to be bumped up to this year instead due to some family members health issues and other reasons. We had even considered elopement and a renewal ceremony later on but we decided against it because of the personal feel I wanted in our wedding felt would be lost in that. Due to the speeding up of things FH gave me the "go ahead" to planning and we told just immediate family of our pre-engagement plans. Two months later we were official and now our wedding is just 24 days away!

So on this topic... I think everyone's story is unique and there is reasoning behind it all. However I disagree with people using the term "engaged" loosely... if you have only known your "fiance" for two weeks and are planning your wedding please cool your jets.

Once we knew we would be getting engaged soon, we started gather ideas and thinking of a date. If you both know its about to happy, why wait? I wouldnt book anything, but it does hurt to get ideas

I don't get the "getting engaged soon" thing. Why not just get engaged. Seems silly.

FH and I were the same way. We talked about getting married before he proposed and I knew it was going to happen. I just didn't know when. About 4 months before he proposed, I was looking at wedding websites and trying to decide the kind of vibe I wanted for our wedding day. I refused to look at wedding dresses or any vendors with serious thoughts of booking them. I did look at venues but only online and I never contacted anyone.

Me looking at wedding websites didn't make the actual proposal any less special.

Ha! im in that position now! I just booked both venues in the past two weeks but dont have my ring yet. my fh and I have a set of twins and been together for 4 years we knew we were going to get married and even picked a date months ago it was just about the financial thing because he just started a new better job. now he does have my ring but hasnt propsed yet, he still wants to ask me even though we already planned everything out. i even said some things to family etc and they ask the same thing. wheres your ring? my reply "you know we like to put the carraige before the horse, hence the twins." so what we like to do things backwards. all i know is we do it together, we stick together, and we want to be together. i think hes waiting for a specific event or time to ask me becuase he wants it to be special event though i know its happening. and guess what i still am going to be happy and just as suprised even if i did know about it happening. i think it depends on the couple themselves

I gotta agree with pumpkins sunshine. "getting engaged soon" if you know its coming why not just get engaged?