You already know that there are good relationships and there are bad relationships; healthy relationships and not-so-healthy relationships. And, if you’ve been in love before, you probably also know that there’s a fairly large spectrum of love in terms of how it is sparked for a couple. For example, it may have taken you months, if not years, to realize that your significant other was the one for you, while it may have been instant, love at first sight for your cousin and her romantic partner.
Relationships come in different shapes and sizes—and that’s the beauty of the whole process. Love is love—and that can look different for each and every couple. But there’s one very unique type of relationship that you may not have ever heard of; one that is becoming a popular topic of conversation, especially for relationship experts. It’s called a twin flame relationship, and it’s a pretty spectacular kind of unconditional love.
What is a twin flame relationship?
In essence, the nature of a twin flame relationship is one where the spiritual connection between the two partners goes beyond what is considered normal love—it’s almost as if the two of them are interconnected on some other-wordly level. The “twin” aspect of a twin flame connection is distinct and life-changing in the sense that the couple almost mirror each other in terms of their likes, interests and similarities. “In a twin flame relationship, your significant other feels like more than your true soulmate; there is even more concentrated passion and deep connection or soul connection,” explains Wendi L. Dumbroff, a licensed professional counselor. “It is, supposedly, the kind of love where it is the other half of yourself with whom you join in a powerful and intensely charged way.”
She says to think about a twin flame relationship almost like two magnets with opposite polarity. As they get closer, they reach a point where you can’t keep them from snapping together so that it is difficult to take them apart. “They are negative and positive, yin and yang, they complete each other,” she adds.
In addition to being instantly magnetic, close-feeling and there being an intense physical attraction and sense of synchronicity, you may also feel as though you knew your life partner in a past life—and may even feel as though you complete each other’s sentences, notes Paulette Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist, author of The Book of Sacred Baths and the host of The Love Psychologist podcast. “In a regular romantic relationship, it can be about more surface or lifestyle things, whereas in a twin flame relationship it’s about deeper spiritual growth,” she says. “You share a higher purpose and come together to foster joint goals.”
You may also feel that you and your partner share a higher purpose than simply being lovers and that you can be your true self with them. “Many say that twin souls come in with that similar profession or life path or life purpose, for example, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama or the Clintons,” says Dr. Sherman. “Some partners are both healers, scientists or authors and together they achieve more and foster one another’s gifts in the world.”
It’s worth noting, however, that a twin flame relationship can be quite intense and challenging. “Deep relationships that work on a soul level, like twin flames, require both partners to take responsibility and go through emotional work to grow,” says Dr. Sherman. “They are not role-based relationships and therefore they can prove more difficult, so both people have to be willing to transform and to work through obstacles together.”
Tips for Having a Healthy Twin Flame Relationship
If you’re lucky enough to be on a twin flame journey, you’ll want to enjoy the ride. Here, experts share their best tips for maintaining a strong bond when you're in twin flame love.
Being in a twin flame relationship doesn’t excuse you from having to work on your communication skills as a couple. In fact, there may be even greater need for sharpening those skills, notes Dumbroff. “Listen to your partner and really hear what they are saying, which may require you to listen without responding,” she says. “Genuinely put yourself in their shoes to honor their experience, even if it is wholly different from your own.”
Learn to “pause” when you need it.
If tensions arise and you feel like you need a moment, take the time. In a twin flame relationship there should be love, but there should also be self-love. Thinking through your thoughts and your feelings will help you to be able to slow the process down,” says Dumbroff. “When you slow it down, you have much more choice as to what you do with feeling triggered and can hold the experience without being reactive to it.” If you’re having a hard time communicating that you need space to your partner, she recommends saying something like “I’m feeling really triggered right now, and don’t want to start yelling or shut down, so I need some time to calm down. Can we resume this discussion when I’m in a better place?”
Validate your partner.
“It may sound something like, ‘When I didn’t show up on time, you really felt like you couldn’t trust me, and that was so hard for you,’” says Dumbroff. “Remember, validating means you hear what they are saying, and you are understanding their perspective; it doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with them, but rather that you are saying you hear them and that you get it from their point of view.”
Dumbroff notes that, with the high intensity of a twin flame relationship, the good parts may be amplified in passion but that means that the conflict may also be equally amplified. “This makes implementing good communication skills and authentic self awareness even more important because the higher the level of emotion that is generated, the harder it may be to reel it in,” she says.