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Here’s How to Write Funny Wedding Vows That Are Actually Funny

You don't have to be a stand-up comic to write some truly funny wedding vows. Check out this guide to writing vows that will have your guests—and your spouse-to-be—chuckling.

wedding vows

If you’re planning to write your own wedding vows (44 percent of all couples do!), you probably want to craft a speech that’s romantic, meaningful and yes, entertaining. If you’re not used to public speaking, writing funny wedding vows can feel quite daunting—even if you have a good sense of humor. Being funny and writing funny are two different things (ask anyone who’s ever tried stand-up comedy!). So how do you create funny wedding vows that will actually get your guests laughing? It’s all about mixing the jokes with more sentimental words, and keeping your vows natural-sounding, rather than like something out of a sitcom script.

Ready to start writing your funny wedding vows? Here’s how to get started, with some examples to get your inner Mrs. Maisel working.

Write your vows in three parts.

If you’re struggling to get started, think about writing your vows in three parts: Tell a story, share what you love about your partner, and make promises to your soon-to-be spouse. The story should be short, perhaps an anecdote about how you met, when you fell in love with your partner, or a time when you helped each other. Then, you can list reasons you love your partner, ending by making promises about your future together. Each of these sections can include moments of humor.

Break up the sappiness with humor.

Here’s the thing about funny wedding vows—you don’t want your guests to be rolling with laughter the entire time. Instead, keep the majority of your vows on the more romantic or meaningful side, and then add a few jokes in to surprise your guests and keep them interested. Wedding vows are serious business, and your love for your partner is no joke. A few carefully-chosen one-liners will be more effective than a full-on, joke-filled stand-up routine.

Be self-deprecating, don’t roast your partner.

This is not the time to make fun of your future spouse. Even if your partner loves a good joke, embarrassing them is not the way to go. Sure, making fun of small things that are common knowledge, like your partner’s inability to load a dishwasher is okay, but there’s no need to talk about the time that he got totally wasted and threw up in a corner at the office Christmas party. You can also turn the teasing on yourself: “I promise to finally clean out my side of the closet” or “I promise to let you take a break from cooking once in a while and finally learn how to boil water.” Oh, and definitely avoid making negative references to either of your families—this is not the time or the place.

Feel free to borrow from other sources, but tread lightly.

Using quotes from movies, literature, or songs can add a sweet touch to your funny wedding vows—but use them sparingly. Simply reciting a list of quotes from other sources feels like impersonal and not from the heart. Even if you’re struggling to come up with the right words to say, it’s better to keep your vows on the shorter side rather than use a bunch of borrowed words. Instead, include one or two quotes during your vows—and make sure they feel true to you and your relationship. 

Avoid inside jokes.

You and your partner probably have a lot of inside jokes that only the two of your understand. Unless you’re eloping, there’s no need to refer to your inside jokes during your vows—your loved ones will just get confused and thrown off track. While you and your partner might think they’re hilarious, remember that your vows are probably being heard by a lot of other people who want to understand what you’re saying. Save the inside jokes for a love letter you deliver the morning of your big day.

Need some funny wedding vow inspo? Here are a few ideas:

I promise to always love you, even when the Giants lose to the Cowboys.

I’ll always be the David to your Patrick. (Hello, Schitts Creek fans!)

I vow to keep the eye rolling to a minimum while you watch The Bachelor.

I promise to keep your favorite Trader’s Joes snacks in the house at all times.

I vow to be the ultimate Instagram spouse and take as many photos in front of that random brick wall as you want.

I promise to let you have the last deviled egg—or at least split it with you.

I promise not to watch the next episode of Euphoria without you.

I promise to hire a plumber instead of trying to fix it myself.

I promise to protect you from spiders forever and ever.

I vow to hold the cilantro—every time.