Photo: Kpix Photography
Yes, the newlyweds want you to have a blast at their wedding, but there are a few things we highly recommend NOT doing at the next wedding you attend, for the sake of your dignity.
1. Bring a pet as your plus-one.
2. Have your phone go off in the middle of the I do’s.
3. Show up with a keg and all your frat bros.
4. Use the reception as a time to hijack the mic and show off your natural singing ability (FYI, nobody thinks you sound good).
5. Decide to take a nap on your dinner plate.
6. ...And come back with a second wind at the send-off.
7. Get frisky with the mother-of-the-bride.
8. Mistake one of the bridesmaids for the mother-of-the-groom (à la Friends style).
9. Start a food fight with the wedding cake.
10. Go shot for shot with the bride’s drunk uncle.
11. Cry hysterically in the corner and wail, “I’m never getting married!!!”
12. Aggressively shove other bridesmaids out of the way in an attempt to catch the bouquet.
13. Steal all the emergency kits out of the bathroom to take home with you (you can never have too many aspirin, amirite?)
14. Run up to the DJ booth and request GDFR every 10 minutes.
15. Attempt to start the Horah when the couple isn’t even Jewish.
16. Start a Conga line during the father daughter dance.
17. Propose to your significant other in the middle of the wedding toasts.
18. Swim laps in the decorative fountain.
19. Perform a strip tease in the middle of the dance floor.
20. Hit on the groom.
21. Refuse to hold your peace when the officiant asks, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
22. Fist pump your way through the best man speech like you’re on an episode of Jersey Shore.
23. Wear the dress from your own wedding two months ago.
24. Ask to hitch a ride in the newlyweds’ getaway car.
25. Pay the flower girls to bring you a constant flow of vodka sodas from the bar.