Why don't you want kids at your wedding?

I'm not dis-inviting children, but I'm recommending they don't come.

The kids that may come fall into two camps: teenagers that barely know me and will be bored out of their skulls, or children under the age of 5. The latter consists of 3 wee ones, and I don't think their parents will bring them. I don't think the teenagers will be coming, either, given half the chance.

So...I'm asking them to not bring kids but since I know how difficult that can be, I'm not outright banning them. If I was risking more young children coming, I might outright ban them. I really don't want the younger ones there because of candles, and alcohol, and screaming, and my venue being a historical site.

Simply because we don't want kids there. I could argue that the budget and amount of space at the venue are good excuses as well, but even if we had an unlimited budget and a much larger venue, we still wouldn't have wanted kids at the wedding. We have FH's niece and nephew in the ceremony, but they will be leaving with a babysitter once that is over.

We're not close to anyone who has kids. The only guests who had kids were two of DH's cousins and one of his friends that I haven't even met.

If our siblings or BP had children then we'd be close enough to them, to know if they wanted their children there, so that would have influenced our decision. Since the only parents of young children were distant relatives/friends who may or may not come, it wasn't really a priority for us.

We don't want kids at the wedding for a few reasons:

1. We don't have kids.

2. I've been to weddings where parents had to chase kids around the whole time and were annoyed.

3. I've been to weddings where non-parents had to look after random kids because the parents were off getting drunk somewhere. This really bothered me. Get a sitter instead of having other guests watch your children.

4. We don't have any kids under the age of 8 who are really close to us & aren't having a flower girl or ring bearer.

Money. We have to pay per plate, per chair, per everything. I'm not paying extra for a bunch of kids. We'll have our nieces & nephews that are in the wedding and my cousin's kid because they're from out of state.

1. Cost, if I have 1 kid there I have to invite them all. 2. Parents tend to let loose and not pay attention to their kids. 3. Kids get bored at weddings, there isn't much for them to do. 4. The screaming and crying! I don't want this to interrupt our ceremony or any other important events. 5. I'm sure most parents would like a night off, if they can swing it.

As others have said, it's your wedding and you can decide whether or not to invite kids, but if I had OOT guests, I wouldn't want to make things any harder on them. You either have to be respectful about declines or invite their children. And contrary to a belief held here on the forums, you CAN invite some kids and not all kids. It's not an all-or-nothing thing.

Finally, I have to say, I'm surprised by the number of people who don't invite kids because they assume parents want a night off or a night away from their kids. I'm in the camp that thinks it's no one's place to assume what parents want and if they truly want a night away from their kids, your invitation doesn't make it mandatory for them to bring them.

I've never really seen weddings as kid-friendly events personally. And I may get some Slack for this, but I hate when people use the excuse that if their kids aren’t invited they can’t come to your wedding. Maybe if it’s a situation where the family would have to travel I could understand, but are you honestly going to tell me that as a parent, you have never taken, nor wanted a single night off from your children? I’m sorry, I just don’t understand that excuse. I debated having children, but I see how stressed out my stepsisters and their husbands get just at holidays or family gatherings. There’s four kids between them and they get crazy when they’re together. They’re relatively well-behaved but they’re still hyperactive children and I know their parents would be stressed out trying to control them all night. My FH’s nephews are awful. The last gathering we had, one of them was literally walking around and smacking people on the back of the head.HARD. For no apparent reason. Not really the vibe I want for a wedding.

Omg I just laughed so hard at the thumb tack story... what a nightmare!!!! I really appreciate all of the responses guys

I love kids, but am only having my two ring bearers and my flower girl there. My two main reasons were because I've been to many weddings where children were crying or talking during the ceremony and at my venue, the children are considered the same as an adult when it comes to counting guests for food and I didn't see paying so much more for kids who would hardly be eating anything (all of the kids that would have been at my wedding are under 5).

We're not inviting kids, but we also don't know very many kids. My cousin has kids, but nobody else in either his or my family does. Among our friends, all the kids are young enough that the wedding is past their bedtime.

We didn't 'assume' parents want the night off. We asked every single parent (8 parents) that's going to be invited what they would prefer - we were conflicted initially on what to do. 7 out of the 8 said they love the excuse to have a night alone. The last one said 'amen' when her husband jumped at the no kids idea.

We're happy to have them at the cocktail hour and reception, but not the ceremony. "Screaming toddler tantrum" isn't a great background for vows. And our outdoor site is several hundred yards from the nearest building entrance, so even if well-intentioned parents whisk a screaming child away, they'll be audible for quite a while until they get inside.

We're setting up a 'fun room' with toys, a Disney movie and babysitters during the ceremony and cocktail hour. Parents can either drop the kids there, or have 1 parent stay with the kids there while the other parent attends....at least that's what we're gently encouraging them to do when we speak directly with them about the wedding arrangements. The babysitters will probably go home once dinner is served, unless parents ask in advance for us to keep them on for the whole evening. Our reception will be pretty laid-back, no crazy party kids. (almost no teens or 20-somethings, except a few younger cousins who don't really drink or party hard). We're excited to have cute little kids making our dancefloor more adorable.

There's also on-site accommodation, so we're asking our guests if they're interested in a bedroom where sleepy tykes can be taken and put down, with or without a babysitter (we're asking them their preference on this). But the reception will end around 9-10, so might not be needed.

Just a couple of thoughts after reading some other posts.

1. Just because children are invited it does not mean everyone with children MUST bring their children. I would not be upset if they chose to leave their children at home with a sitter so they (the parents) can enjoy an evening out.

2. A lot of our OOT guests have children. I would rather have the children at the wedding & reception than sitting alone in a hotel room in a strange city.

3. We have a lot of very responsible young adults in our family that are willing to help keep an eye on their cousins, siblings, etc.

4. Most adults I know that drink do it in front of their children anyway, so serving alcohol is not a good reason for me not to welcome children.

5. It is disheartening to hear how many "bad" children (and parents) there are out there. I can't think of any child in my family or FH's family that is so obnoxious we wouldn't want them at our wedding. Also, I can't think of any adult that is so irresponsible not to keep their child in line if necessary - even when they are drinking/partying.

I have 3 in the wedding party and hope to find a polite way to have them leave after dinner before full on dancing/ reception. So not sorry about it.

Only children in the family are invited. And I'm still debating whether to call it adult only because that's the only way some guest really get the memo. Some people believe kids don't take space so even if I say 2 seats are reserved for u..they still think their kids are invited and can sit on their lap. Yes its a thing.

We're having a child free wedding. I don't want us to be saying our vows when some kid is screaming/yelling in the background. No thanks!

We had 3 kids at our wedding. They were 9, 6, and 3 and all were in our bridal party. All 3 of them were extremely well behaved, but I am so glad that we didn't extend an invite to all kids. We had no good reason other than numbers and just wanting to have more of an adult environment. Bottom line is if you don't want them, don't have them. You don't need a great reason.

Honestly if we didn't invite kids 75% of FHs family wouldn't come. We just can't not have them there. I don't think they'll be a problem though. We have little coloring books for them and kids like to dance. I loved going to weddings as a kid and I never caused trouble. Me and the other kids just hung out with each other. Sometimes that was the only time I saw some cousins and friends, I always enjoyed it.

1 kid, FH's son who is 8. No other kids, no exceptions. Not even our nieces and nephews. There are many reasons:

1. Same price per head as an adult

2. We have some very poorly behaved kids in our immediate family

3. They won't remember or share in our day.

4. We don't find it cute/adorable when they use silverware as drum sticks, write on random things, grab things they are not supposed to touch, and dance or roll around on the floor.