What to do your child doesnt want anything to do with your wedding

I would keep trying to include her, but don't push her. You can buy her a dress just in case. I'm sure she will regret it later in life, but she's 12-so she should decide her own involvement. I think we've all done things we regret. LOL.

My daughter did not attend my wedding. She was 18. She is very, very close to her dad and I know deep down she felt like it would be a betrayal to him. My ex even tried to persuade her and kept pushing the issue, saying she would regret it. I finally sat down with her and said, "baby, I love you and no matter what I will always love you" if you don't want to go, I completely understand.

She did record a song she sang for us and we played it at our wedding as the MOH walked down the aisle.

Have you talked to her father about it? The first thing I did before I told my children we were engaged was talk to their dad. I needed to know he was supportive of the relationship. If her father is causing problems on that end- you need to talk to him about it.

I'd suggest counseling- go in with the premise of strengthening the family relationship and having both FH and the kids learn their boundaries together.

But find out why your daughter doesn't want to be there. She may be annoyed and tired of hearing about the wedding and the planning... She may just not want to betray her father.

I do not think their father would ever support a happy relationship for me as it was a bitter divorce initiated by me. Him knowing that she was making difficulties would honestly only make him happy. She has been through some counseling and I really think she feels she is betraying her father somehow and until her father gives her permission to "love" her future step-father she will always seperate herself. This will not come anytime soon, but I worry about her regretting it later. I know i am hoping she would come around at the last minute, but frankly I know she wont. How do I explain wedding pictures without her in them?

Talk to her! Tell her it's not about betraying her father. Your FH is not trying to fill that role, but as a step-father he just wants a special place in her life.

Attending the wedding is also about supporting YOU, regardless of whether she supports the marriage.

Has she given you an idea of why she doesn't want to be at the wedding? I think it is important for you to understand that, whether or not she changes her mind.

As for explaining why she isn't there, you don't. If anyone asks, you say vaguely, "Yes, we're so sorry she couldn't be here," and leave it at that.

She claims that weddings are boring, the reception would be boring and the whole lot of it is a waste of time. She has only been to one wedding in her life when she was 18mths old and there will be many children her age at both the ceremony and reception. I have asked if she would at least participate in the photos and no sale. So on top of everything, I have to find some place for her to be the day of the wedding with someone (not her father) that wouldnt be attending the wedding.

I think you should respect her choice but let her know she is avery welcomed to change her mind if she needs to. Even if later down the line she does regret it she wont blame you, but if you force her and make her miserable and this whole thing harder on her she WILL blame you for that! Not sure how for you to explain to people about her absence though....

Jolliann I feel for you. I'm getting married this November too and have sort of the same problem... both my kids like my fiancee, my daughter USED to love him, now that the wedding is getting near, she doesn't want anything to do with him. She is acting horrible towards me and him. I have tried talking to her and her attitude is horrible. I have expressed that I would love to have her continue to be MOH. we went to get her dress and she is very excited... but all of the sudden, she turns into a monster... I think its just that she feels she is betraying her father. Up to now, my son is walking me and giving me away, but he says is because he will represent his grandfather (my father) which he loved dearly... have patience, and dont push.

Well keep in mind your children love you, I think you have to keep in mind that they also love their father and don't want to hurt him. I know you want for them to be there, I don't think it's good idea to push the issue. I wasn't happy when my mother married my step-father and at the time I was too young to understand that relationships aren't cut and dry. As I got older, I began to appreciate how happy he made her and because of that, our relationship improved. Trust me, they're too young to understand that they don't have to choose and they can love everyone without pushing the other out of the picture.

Honestly, that reasoning is very believable from a 12-year-old. Heading into their teens, they are declaring their independence from their parents, and often don't want to be involved in anything their parents are doing.

I agree with Laura K. about just respecting her choice but letting her know that she is welcome to change her mind. And if anyone asks, just saying, "We're so sorry she wasn't feeling up to being here." You don't have to specify that it was being a preteen, not the flu, that kept her away.

Aww I am sorry to read this.

My 12 yr old is probably more excited than I am about the wedding. But I think that's because her dad and I broke up when she was only 2 and doesn't even remember us being a couple. lol Add to this the fact that her dad has gotten married, so I guess she's relieved to see someone wants to commit to my arse!

You need to speak with your ex. If he is going to find happiness in your daughter's non participation there is a major problem. What if the tables were turned and it was his wedding?

My step-children ages 18,16, and 15 are boycotting our wedding which is breaking their fathers heart. They walked out of our life together a year ago after being involved for 6 years. at the first discussion of us getting married they were done. He maintains a relationship with them. However they resent me and my kids bacause of the impending marriage. My kids are very involved and could not be more excited. My daughter is my MOH and my son is the BM. If they choose to be that bitter and drive a wedge between themselves and their father let alone between my kids, me and them after all the years of great times it's their loss. We will have a beautiful wedding anyway. But, it is sad that they would do that to their father on the happiest day of his life, and, his family has also walked away and will not be invited (his choice ) as they have hurt me and my kids so much !

My birth mom forced me to participate in her 2nd wedding, and I regret allowing her to push me into it. She was marrying a man that I knew wasn't going to hang around (and of course, I was right). I resent her to this day for it. The WORST thing you could do is push her into making a decision to participate. I would say ask her to be involved and buy her a dress (just in case she does that teenage, last-minute change of mind thing), but if she continues to say "no," walk away and let it go, even though it may be very painful to do so. She will resent you more for pushing her into it than she will regret not doing it to begin with.

There's no need to explain her absence and really nothing that would both respect her privacy and at the same time feel okay to you, I believe. I can't imagine many people asking, but people have really surprised me during this wedding planning process with things I didn't expect that they would do--so I'd say that preparing your quick non-explanation ("we're sorry she wasn't up to it" sounds good to me) is smart, I guess.

You'd mentioned having all three kids give you away...if the other two are on board, but your daughter isn't, is there some other person who could fill this role? (or could you just walk yourself down?) it might seem less to your daughter like she's being excluded (i know at her request) or like her concerns aren't being considered than if her two siblings do it and she doesn't.

I think you should sit her down and ask her what kind of wedding she would want for herself. Turn the entire conversation onto her. Ask if she's ever thought about what kind of dress she would wear and try to get her interested in the idea of herself getting married years down the line.

If she seems positive about the idea of her own wedding (and I know a lot of little girls who already have their wedding planned.lol) and has ideas of her own already, then ask her if she would want you to be there when she got married. If she responds with a yes, then ask her if it would hurt her feelings if you didn't want to go to her wedding. Again, if she says yes... then tell her that she really hurt your feelings by saying she didn't want to go to yours and that no matter who she becomes, how she acts, etc... you hope that you will always be welcome at her wedding.

Granted, this whole idea is dependant on whether or not she is interested in her own wedding, but worth a try?

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I think it's not a given that our children love us. I have a 16 year old son refuses to do overnights anyone and has told me multiple times that he's not going to our wedding.

I'm a little late to this conversation, but it's very relevant to current reality. I have a 13 year daughter who is very close to her mom, who married the guy she stepped out on me with. I'm over it as it's been 10 years. But her mom continues to alienate and this has lead to, among other things, a desire by my 13 year old to not want to be part of the new family additions. I know she will regret it, but I don't know how to tell a head strong 13 year this, or anything for that matter. It sounds like forcing her to go is the mega of bad ideas and I see the logic. It's so frustrating as I know how this will impact her as well as my new wife and her two daughters as well. Is this a wedge that can ever be fixed? And selfishly, how do I get over / process the pain and hurt I feel by my daughter not wanting to participate or engage?

I have a daughter and her husband who are not coming to our wedding because we are having our ceremony outdoors at the same “chapel by the sea” where they had their wedding ceremony. She mentioned to me the chapel was off limits to her. Everyone gets married at this same chapel. Am I wrong to have our wedding, in our 60’s, at the same place my daughter and her husband had their wedding last year.?