What?! My parents are not paying for the wedding

Jill, I think that most of the ladies are trying to prove to you that your parents paying for the dress is generous enough.

I can see feeling like you're being treated unequally, but marriage isn't an arms race.

Circumstances change, times change, and life just keeps on going. So if your parents can't pay for your wedding, it's probably not anything personal. Maybe they took a bath in the stock market, or maybe they're close to retirement and feeling anxious about having enough money to live on. Or, maybe, they just have other priorities.

Ultimately, it's their money, and they decide what to do with it. It's disappointing, but in the wedding planning process you definitely learn how to manage your expectations and deal with disappointment.

I didn't get the exact wedding party I wanted, or the menu I wanted, or the ceremony venue I wanted. But I got the man I always wanted, so ultimately everything was more than OK.

I understand where you're coming from Jill. It's the disapointed and confusion that you're portraying. Sorry you are feeling this way. My parents aren't paying for anything...let alone a dress, so I understand your feeling. Not much we can do about it now. It's not that you're being selfish...just that you had one idea in your head and it turned into something totally different. What can we do...the help is always nice but not always available, unfortunately.

If you are "fine" with them not paying, then why do you keep complaining about it? What was the purpose of this post then?

Wow....I may have to delete my supportive response. Selfish??? You are new here to WW. You are not aware of everyone's circumstances. You start off with a past about your MOH saying no. Now, you are bitching because your parents won't pay. There seems to be a bit of a pattern here. Wow, you must have read the book, "How To Make Friends and Influence People" NOT

There are many different wedding forums. Why not try this same post on The Knot and see what reply you get.

The ladies here are so incredible.

I personally didn't read her prior posts..i'm just going off of this one.

I can understand the surprise. I actually can't believe that they paid for your sister's whole wedding considering how MANY daughter's they have.

I'm glad you plan to create your day based on your budget. Do what you want to make your day special to you. Happy Planning!

I would be upset too. I am kind of in a similar situation, but its whatever. As I am sure you already know, finances can go from one extreme to another in the matter of days, let alone years. I am sure your parents wish they could do more. Try not to let that get you down. Who knows? Maybe they have a surprise waiting for you.

Hey, folks! I'm as much in favor of couples paying for their own weddings as anyone here, but let's lay off of Jill H.. She's not really complaining about having to pay for a wedding herself. She's complaining because she is being treated much less favorably than her siblings. While I understand that there may be lots of reasons for this (the economy, her parents feeling like they wasted their money the previous times), with no explanation it comes across like they love her sisters better.

I know that if I were the parent in this situation, I would at least say something. Maybe, "I know we paid for your sisters' weddings, but in this economy, we can only afford to pay for your dress." But when parents treat siblings very differently, they have to know that it may be taken personally. And since you can't really ask them, "Hey, why are you treating me worse than my siblings?", the resentment can grow.

(cont.)

Haley, I know. It's probably every dad's worst nightmare to have 6 daughters lol. I probably have grown up with more drama than a lot of you had so maybe I come off as bratty.

I'll chose my words more wisely in the future, I would really like to get to know all of you and plan our weddings together!

I'm not going to back down when I feel like I'm being attacked though. Whatever I did it seems like some of you just jump on me. As someone said in my other post, truce!

2D...I agree, as a parent, I would have offered an explanation. This is why I suggested she discuss this with her parents.

That was well put 2d...i'm sure Jill will apreciate that! Sometimes I think the women on here are too quick to bash the other brides.

I've seen that in my own family. My parents have a fund for my sister's and her children's medical expenses, a fund for the kids' college expenses, a fund for all of them to take vacations. My sister's children didn't even have to work over the summers when they were in college. Meanwhile, they give nothing to my brother, so his kids end up working during the summer and the school year and incurring loans in order to get a college education. Yes, he's resentful, and he's over 50. But the resentment is not over the specific amount they spend on him and his kids, but on the gross disparity between what they spend on my sister's family and what they spend on his. That hurts, no matter how much of an adult you are.

I agree 2d.

Thank you 2d bride. My parents probably have a hard time making sure everything is fair for all of us. I said in my first post that we have enough money to pay for the wedding it's just an expectation that I had because of what was done for my sisters.

I don't think anyone is saying that it is not ok to be a bit disappointed! But, wedding planning is often full of disappointments. It's all in how you handle them. The mature thing to do, is graciously accept their gift, and move on with marrying the love of your life. Dwelling on things gets you nowhere. Additionally, complaining to a bunch of broke brides that "daddy won't pay", on this board, will get you nowhere, and gain you no friends.

Jill I come from a family of 5 (3 girls, 2 boys) and although my Dad has said he will be equal, nothing has been dicussed yet. He is also throwing in for my brother (who is getting married next month) so i know he is trying to be as equal as he can. It can be hard when you come from a big family and I am sure you dont mean to come off bratty! I didnt think you were but that is because I know what it is like!

Exactly Debra! I should invite everyone over for xmas dinner so you can see what, as my dad calls it, brat attacks are really like. lol! I'm actually the tame one in the bunch.

While it does kind of suck that they paid for your sisters' weddings and not yours, if you haven't noticed, the economy isn't so hot right now and they're probably struggling like almost every other family out there. if you can afford your own wedding (which you've said you can), i would be grateful for what they're offering you and run with it. it doesn't mean they love you less.