What?! My parents are not paying for the wedding

I would have felt slighted, too. As everyone has suggested talk to your folks if you think that it's going to help. Otherwise, just take this post as your venting and be done with it. It's easy to say, I know…but the long road ahead of you will bring on more challenges in the planning process. It's gonna take some time, but you'll get to a good place about the situation and hopefully not feel like a second fiddle to your parents when it's all said and done. Good luck!

You should never expect things even when others got them

Im not even asking my parents for a thing. Im 30 years old and this is our wedding not theres if they want to help with something which im sure they will but im not going to get upset if they put 100 bucks for the cake when they spent 600 on my sisters. Cause thats just how it is. I dont think your parents not paying for it isnt a reason to elope. Its like your saying well since your not paying your not invited.

And I fully agree if your grown up enough to get married your grown up enough to pay for it! and thats not ment to say anything against you as a person its just the truth

I think a lot of you were way to hard on Jill. I think these forums are a place to vent and feel supported. No matter if you agree with Jill or not, no need to make her feel bad about the situation.

Jill, it definitely sucks that your parents can't help you out. Trust me, I completely understand. My parents very unselfishly are paying for my reception, which is the ONLY way we would be able to have this type of wedding. I gotta say though, destination weddings truly cut down on overall costs. Have you thought about going that route? Good luck to you, lady! EVERY WOMAN deserves to have a special wedding.

I am on of three girls, and I'm the middle child. I understand how it can make you feel unloved that they will pay for your wedding, but not theirs. My parents were going to do the opposite: help with my wedding, but not my older sister's because she's been living with her boyfriend for almost 8 years now. I said that wasn't fair and have declined most of their help. My parents don't have much money anyway, so it wasn't like they'd be able to even buy my dress.

Ask your parents what's going on, I'm sure they have a valid reason and will assure you that they love you all equally

I understand that you aren't complaining about not getting money. You feel hurt that you are being treated differently. Don't worry I don't see this post as selfish. My parents set me a 5k budget (telling me to keep it to 4k if at ALL possible) and I am doing very well keeping it under budget. Now they are saying it is a lot of money and my two sisters won't be getting as much. I feel HORRIBLE about that. I am the oldest and don't want any more feelings like I am treated better than they are So I can imagine how you are feeling. I agree with the girls who have said just talk to them about how you are feeling and ask if they are ok. They are probably struggling worse than you realize. Try not to let it get to you and enjoy planning your wedding knowing you are doing it yourself and get ALL the say in the matter! Whoohoo!

I do see where you are coming from and understand being upset. Also just have the wedding you want and be grateful that they are paying for your dress. While I am not getting any money from either parents, my side of the family is helping out a great deal with other things. My dad said a while back though if he needed to pitch in he would but I don't ask for money unless I absolutely need it.

I'm in the same boat. Little money, big ideas. There are so many things that you can do to get what you want... and cheap, or in a slightly different way. Stay open to ideas! Try to spend some time with your hubbie and have him help you make some invitations or center pieces. Even if they aren't perfect, you did them. YOU did them, with love and for those you love. Good Luck!

-Peace

Jill I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes parents inadvertently treat us differently. In my family I am the youngest but more organized than my sister so my mom treats me differently. There are times when it bothers me but I have to remember that I am more independent in some ways thanks my sister and my mom doesn't worry about me as much. So if your parents' financial situation hasn't really changed since then ask yourself these questions could your sisters afford a wedding without help? Are they as responsible as you? Do your parents have any issues with your FH or your nuptials? They may look at you as the daughter who stands on her own two and doesn't need them. If the answers to those questions are unclear talk to them. Tell them they dont have to help but if they can afford it tell them that they hurt your feelings.

I'm all for honesty but some of these posts were harsh. We can give constructive cristism and allow someone to vent without tearing them down. The whole purpose of a vent is to get out feelings and emotions. Sometimes we feel things that some may call bratty but better to get it ou here and leave it at that then brew resentment

My mom paid a ton of money for my brothers weddings (okay the second they just paid for their flight and hotel but it was still a lot since it was destination) esp for the Stepmom of the groom. When it came time for my wedding they didn't pay for much. They helped with the food (which was DIY catered) so probably about $200 max. Was I mad or annoyed? No! I was glad she helped with what she did and that she supported me emotionally. I know it sucks that they aren't footing the bill but you really need to see past the "unfairness" to the fact that really they are being super generous to pay for your dress and that they have done a LOT over the years for you.

Oh wow, Jill, I am so sorry you feel slighted. I am the only child so i can only empathize but I'm offering support. As some of the only-child brides can recognize, sometimes we suffer from OCS (only child syndrome) so I can sorta relate. Although we may all be grown and highly capable of doing it ourselves, this is a matter of being treated as equal. I do understand the financial aspect of the situation, but I also understand that you just wanted to vent to women that are going throught the process of planning and may have experienced any type of monkey wrench (no matter what kind). So I am so sorry that you're feeling down about this right now, but look at the bright side, you are still getting married to the man of your dreams and this monkey wrench won't stop you. Keep on pushin..

Coming from a family where blatant favoritism was shown I know how much this sort of thing can hurt. I get the feeling that you would not be upset if you knew that they were having money issues, but when they pay for your sisters' weddings and don't do the same for you at least an explanation would be nice.

Jill, I totally understand your disappointment....your entitled to be. I have 2 siblings, what my parents did for one, they did for the other. So yes you have every right to be surprised or disappointed. Yes things happen and financial situations change, but that doesnt change the fact that you are not entitled to disappointment....

What ever you choose to do, best of wishes to you...and if you want to be disappointed, hell I'll be disappointed with you!!!!!

Congratulations!

Jill, I can understand how you feel. Personally, as others have said, be grateful for what they are willing to help you with and leave it at that. They are your parents after all. My mom was a caterer. She NEVER EVEN CAME TO MY WEDDING! LET ALONE DID ANYTHING FOR IT! She has hated every single guy I have ever dated/married. That's why this time, I'm not even telling her! If, when I see her, she asks about my ring(s) I may just stretch the truth and tell her that we are living in a "committed relationship" but nothing more. I hate to do that, but she can be very controlling, especially if we don't do things her way. (My sister married and never even told her either) I am certainly not saying your parents are doing anything like that. But, again, I do understand why you would feel hurt since they did more for your other sisters.

Jill,

I can understand your being upset and do think you should ask your parents why they don't wish to or why they are unable to help you wth the entire cost of the wedding.

With that being said, parents paying for a wedding is not a birth right however something tells me there is a financial issue here and it's not personal.

Before you elope, please sit down with them and have a heart to heart.

Actually i can understand that feeling, my FH and his siblings has some problems with his family giving the biological child more so i understand were you are coming from. but right now times are hard and parents don't really like to show to their children if they are in trouble..

now the brat in me: so they will only pay for a dress well get the one you wont no matter what the price!

I can understand how you are feeling, but let me tell you ... paying for your own wedding means you get to make the decisions on who to invite, where to have it, how to have it ... so it could be a blessing in disguise!

My first thought (as a parent) is "Oh #*)@*#@, we have five daughters!" If a parent were to pay for five weddings, well, they could be broke. LOL!

As you know, you cannot assume that your parents will pay for your wedding. You have to be prepared to pay for it yourself, which you have stated you can/will do.

I am sure that it is frustrating that two of your sisters have had your parents pay for their weddings. But, be thankful that they are able to pay for your gown.

My ex and I paid for our daughters wedding and I paid for their honeymoon. That was last year. It was great and we loved doing it. Had it been this coming July, it all would have changed as I suffered a major neighborhood fire and my home had to be rebuilt, resulting in me spending $11k to do the flooring and lights that I wanted, past what insurance paid for. That would have trounced the wedding budget, as I only pay cash...no credit card debt.

Why am I telling you this? Because you may not know (cont)

(cont) the full reason that your parents have made the choice that they have.

@His Angel, happy to see that your ability to post has been restored.