What do you do when you know your family will ruin your day?

To be honest ignore them and don't communicate with them until after at the reception. Keep away from the phone/internet and them. OR you can use the "if you don't have anything nice don't say anything at all" lecture on them. see which one works for you. you need to take a stand and make sure you're not stressed more than you already will be the day of.

First of all this is your day, if you decide to invite them you need to talk to them and tell them just that, this is your day, you want your family there to get to share this wonderful time together...

Honestly, if it is as bad as you say, they wouldn't get an invite from me (if they were cruel to you, you aren't close, and you don't really communicate with them).

But, if you have to invite them, then all you can do is ignore them.

Thank you, everyone! I have tried to talk to them. Especially because my older sister is not talking to me right now because when we got engaged, I immediately called my sisters, mom, dad, immediate grandparents, etc. Well, I sent out a silly e-card announcing our engagement to people I dont have constant communication with, like cousins, etc. and she told me I was a horrible daughter because I didn't send the e-card to my mom and "how could i leave her out of one of the most joyous moments of my life". I was confused because it was sent to people I dont talk to and I had already called her and shared the story and everything. So, even little things like that, no matter what I do, I am ruining something. Not to mention she is the type who will be bashing my dad the ENTIRE time, whom I am really close with. It's like... if I don't invite them because I know they will ruin it, then I feel guilty and I look like a horrible daughter

(even though my WHOLE family, including her siblings, know how she is to me) but then if I do invite them I have to be worried the whole time. And I want to be excited about planning, but it seems no matter what I do I am going to offend them or "do something wrong". I guess I am just torn since I am "screwed" (sorry) either way. But do I just deal with it because she is my mom, or do I make sure my day is happy?

I wouldn't invite them. My mom and I don't have the greatest relationship either. Never have. In fact she is pretty much all drama. I know my wedding day wouldn't be any different so I've decided not to invite her. I couldn't risk having the one day this IS supposed to be happy and all about me and FH ruined by her nonsense. Be strong and if you think she's going to be trouble, ask her to stay home.

My mother was not invited to my wedding, so it is possible. But only you can know whether you'll feel worse with her there or not invited.

I have this fear with fh's parents...what did I do? I asked my wedding planner to run interference. She gladly said she would and said that it wouldn't be the first time. I have toyed with the idea of not inviting them and fh has agreed but I don't want him to view our pics later and they not be in them and his memories of our day be sad. We will have the local police and state troopers there, I told the wp that if anyone gets out of line, have law enforcement escort them out.

Personally, I would extend the olive branch and invite them to the wedding and reception. However, I would definitely keep them out of the planning process. I would also keep my ears and eyes open. If they behave badly during the process, I would make sure I put several people in place as buffers between you FH and them. If it gets out of hand, you can always have them escorted off the premises.

I totally understand where you are right now. Perhaps our mothers are twins?

Sorry your having to go through this! It's a horrible position on one hand they make life miserable when they are around, on the other hand you feel so guilty because you are trying to do the "right" thing. FH always tells me its just not realistic to expect the day to be how I envision. With our families it's just setting myself up for dissapointment to expect them to behave otherwise. Your wedding is still a little ways off, so you have time to give them some space. It's amazing when I ignore my family how much it helps the situation lol. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

I think my fmil is in that group which that makes them quads lol

Run screaming with a lot of cash to the nearest chocolate store and eat it all.

LOL MJ. After visiting my mother I hit the hard stuff everytime....Diet Coke

I'd say look for a planner who's also willing to be a body guard the day if the wedding. Give her the autho to remove them if needed and/or keep them in line.