What do I do? Doubts. Sadness.

Honestly, DH and I never fought as much as we did when we were engaged (and we'd been together 7 1/2 years at that point). If you are having these thoughts a lot, I'd suggest pre-marital counseling. Marriage is big, and if you are religious, you might consider it sacred. Most people I know say that they had second thoughts or panic moments about if they were doing the right thing right before the wedding, but if you think these thoughts are more than just little panic moments, again, counseling. You dad knows you well since he raised you and stuff. I think you should take his concerns into consideration, but not base your whole decision on his worries. You got this and you will be OK. I think counseling should be your first option before breaking it off though...

Are you two attending counseling? I would suggest it in this situation. I did start to doubt marrying FH at around 1 month out, but that was because I felt that the more close I get to him, the harder it will hurt when we are older and he dies. It's a completely irrational and anxiety-driven fear. I can't lock myself in a closet and fear getting close to anyone. But that's the only hesitation I have. The part where he swears at you and insults you is worrisome to me, but there is obviously more to the story.

There are definitely times where I go "do I really want to put up with this for the rest of my life?" But then I remember the silly face he makes when he dances and I remember that he doesn't suck most of time. Have you tried premarital or couples counseling? FH and I went through a rough patch right before we got engaged and a little while after and therapy helped so so much! It really helps you work through the problems and really communicate. I thought FH and I communicated well and then one time in therapy after an awful week, our therapist asked why I was upset. I explained it was because of he made me feel judged. He said it was because I saw a snake on a walk. Seriously. We'd been fighting for a week and he had no idea why! Therapy. Do it. It can be religious, or though a therapist, or with a therapy group. Whatever makes you happy.

Its tough once you have started wedding plans to pull the, "I am having second thoughts" card, but, in this case, i think you really should.

When you guys are both calm, tell him you have some reservations with how your fights have been lately, how you dislike when he "insert: swears, insults, yells at you and how it makes you feel", like you do not want to marry him.

See how he reacts. Then, decide, do you want to talk to a counselor and see if you guys can work this out. But, better to figure this out now, before you get swept away in the happy feelings of planning a marriage and go through with it just so you don't rock the boat, and then 6 months after your married, you have to start telling family that you are filing for divorce.

It's always better to try and face these issues head on rather then go with the flow and get married and hope for the best. I second everyone's suggestion on here to seek counseling. The best thing you can do right now is to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling and to communicate that to your FH.

Thank you all for your feedback. FH and I actually have a couples counseling appointment scheduled for Monday and we are meeting with our priest the first week of October and setting up our Pre-Cana class.

I was in a relationship before where we never yelled or argued with each other--we would have disagreements and talk calmly and rationally about things, and then would reconcile. However, this ex-bf was also extremely unfaithful and cheated/lied to me on a regular basis. I just feel like no matter who I meet, there is always going to be something I will have to compromise on. FH for example, may yell/insult sometimes but I never worry about his faithfulness to me. He also values family, which is extremely important to me.

I am hopeful about counseling, but I'm not actually certain that FH will change/grow from it. I feel like he might be willing to change some of his ways during the beginning but fall back into bad habits. He has gone to an anger management counselor before and it seemed to help a little bit, but obviously he is still having issues.

I'm glad you are going to attend counseling.

That he communicates via "swearing, insulting me or yelling at [you]" is incredibly worrisome to me. These qualities, and I can only speak for myself, would be deal breakers to me because over time, they are damaging qualities. They will breed resentment, animosity, and demonstrate an unhealthy way of communication. Plus, when he swears, insults, and yells at you, he is not showing you the respect you deserve.

Planning a wedding has definitely brought up more fights than we're used to, but I wouldn't say they were serious arguments. My friend recently got engaged and started doubting marrying her fiance, but I think that's more because they haven't known each other for very long.

Is your dad questioning the marriage because you're marrying FH or for some other reason (like you're too young, haven't known each other very long, doesn't believe in marriage, etc.)?

I have addressed the yelling/insulting issue with him before, which is why he started to go to anger management counseling. It has been hard for me to go from a relationship where there was no yelling/swearing to a relationship with lots of it. I tell him that I won't tolerate it and its unacceptable but at the same time I want to work with him on this instead of just ending the relationship. At the same time, since things haven't truly changed, I am wondering if he is just agreeing to go to therapy to make me happy for the time being and then go back to his old ways of doing things.

I am just so confused. I am sure every relationship has issues and do you abandon them or help your SO through it? I have talked to a counselor by myself before about this and she never made the yelling/insulting thing sound like a big deal...

So glad you're going to counseling. Do not marry this man, or any man until you are absolutely sure. He should not be putting you down and yelling at you. That's huge red flags. Wishing you the best.

@frugal_gator -- My dad doesn't think I am too young (he actually talks about how he can't wait until I have children lol)--I am 28 just to give some perspective. I have known FH for 5 years. FH is loved by everyone in my family and they already view him as family. Which is why my father's concerns alarmed me even more than my own. My father has been married to my mom for 30 years and is a strong believer in marriage and in his faith.

I have never questioned as to whether or not I was making the right decision. If you are being insulted in your relationship and are having serious doubts as to whether or not you should go through with this marriage, I suggest speaking to a professional.

@MPHGirl23 If he is only going to counseling to appease you and not to actually address his anger, that is problematic. I fear that his insults and yelling will only get worse over time. I don't know the ins-and-outs of your relationship nor do I know you, but I do know this: someone you loves you should never insult you. Words of that sort are deliberately chosen to HURT you. His behavior is unacceptable and could escalate.

Have you read THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK by John Gottman? I highly suggest having a read of it, either by yourself or with your FH.

Thank you @TheRascal -- I haven't read it but I will look into it. I have worried about this problem escalating too but it has actually gotten A LOT better throughout the years--which is why I've remained so hopeful. It is obviously still an issue but since its not as bad as it used to be I thought he is making progress and hopefully one day it would be better completely.

It's not just the yelling/insulting--this doesn't happen all the time... it's just a combination of things, with that being one of them.

So then why is your dad concerned? If you don't know, I'd talk to him. I feel like he is way more likely to judge the situation appropriately than we are.

I disagree with O&S on the compromising thing. No person or relationship is perfect, so there will always be something that you have to compromise on. As long as you are both committed to the relationship, you can work through any problem. Now, if he is unwilling to work on the behaviors that hurt you (hopefully only figuratively), that is not something you should compromise on.

The yelling/swearing/insulting is concerning. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If you're having serious doubts, it might be best to postpone the wedding and take a long, hard look at your relationship. It's a good step that you're going to attend counseling. If you have to push back the wedding to give yourself time, then that's completely understandable. Sending good vibes your way.

What does your FH say about it? Does he recognize this is a problem? Does he want to change his behavior?

Obviously there are sacrifices in any relationship, but that doesn't mean he gets to treat you poorly and there's nothing you can do about it.

@Frugal -- My dad has been concerned about his financial irresponsibility. FH has about $33k in loans and no money saved in his bank account (even though he should have been able to save given his salary vs. bills). He has spent A TON of money on golfing and has no budget and it concerns my father that once we get married, I will assume all of his debt and will have to pay for everything, while FH continues to spend as he pleases. I have been saving all of my money for the wedding and a house--and my father also knows this because he has been involved with helping me find a house... and he knows that FH won't be contributing to a down payment. He is also concerned about FH's temper/yelling/insulting me.

@ Caroline -- my date twin! Thank you.. I think I am really starting to analyze things now that we are sending save the dates out soon. It's just such an incredibly difficult/terrible feeling to be unsure.. Hoping that we will figure some stuff out through counseling.

@MPHGirl23 I think your confusion is your gut telling you to put the brakes on.

Have you and FH discussed your financial plans, especially after you get married? Does he have a solid plan to get out of debt?

I know that discussing finances is really uncomfortable and for some, it can be emotional.

TBH, I have the same concerns as your father.

@MPH Your date is private now but I thought I remembered you as my date twin I know you must be in an extremely difficult position right now. I remember your previous post about FH spending a lot on golf after he agreed to be more frugal. You sound like a very smart, accomplished, strong woman and I know you'll make the right decision. I hope everything works out for you! Best of luck.