What do I do? Doubts. Sadness.

Nikkell402 -- there are too many wonderful sentences in your post to highlight. However, you speak the language of the abused, and you speak the language of the healed.

Kudos to you for doing the painful work that was necessary to eradicate your father's influence in your life. I'm delighted that you found the lady of your dreams and that you deal with your differences with maturity and respect.

Stupid double post....

I know I have given my opinion on this to you before, but I just want to reiterate...I was literally in the same position as you with two other relationships. I went from one relationship where the guy yelled at me and was always insulting me, cheated on me too. Then shortly after the first relationship, I dated another guy with slightly less anger issues, but he didn't like me for who I am. He also ignored me a lot, and preferred his friends to me. I actually thought in both of those relationships that they had redeeming qualities I should focus on. I also thought that being unhappy a lot was normal too.

It wasn't until I found the strength to leave and take time for myself (and my hapiness) that I met FH. I haven't had a single doubt about him from the start. I didn't even think that was possible. We rarely fight or argue. He has only ever insulted me a twice in our entire relationship during a couple short rough times. Not only did he immediately repent, but, after we addressed it, it never happened again. I guess my point is that no one has perfect happiness all the time. But you should be happy most of the time. It's also a bit of a red flag to have doubts about someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

I guess my advice is to really take a true step back. You can postpone a marriage in lieu of possibly facing either an unhappy union or divorce later. I want to encourage you to think of yourself first in this, for at least a moment, so that you can decide if you will ever be happy with him. You have my prayers and best wishes. I hope the counseling helps one way or another.

Hey MPH, this is from a while back in the thread, but you mentioned that the therapists you saw previously didn't really offer you advice. I am a therapist and I can tell you that any good therapist WON'T offer you advice. They should, however, guide you through what you bring into the session by asking exploratory questions. A competent therapist will be able to elicit responses from you that you may not have even known were inside. They will not give you advice on how to proceed, because that takes away from your autonomy and independence.

I will echo others: Consider seeing an individual therapist again, because this isn't just about you as part of a couple. This is very much about you being your best individual self, with or without him. That being said, I hope couples counseling continues to be beneficial and I will be thinking of you and hoping your situation works out for the best. Hugs!

Definitely listen to Nikkell402. There is literally no better way to put it.

Only you can decide, but swearing AT you and yelling and insulting you look like some major red flags and it if people outside of your relationship are noticing it as well that looks like another one. Fighting is one thing, but intentionally trying to hurt the person you're supposed to love is never ok. If you think things can be salvaged I also suggest some form of counseling.

Thank you Centerpiece! I hope my story can help MPH make a choice that is best for her.