J
Super September 2017

What about other people's weddings have left a bad impression on you?

Jenny, on April 18, 2017 at 3:36 PM

Posted in Planning 182

As I'm going through the nitty-gritty of wedding planning details in preparation for the perfect day, I found myself wondering what mistakes or oversights my guests will really notice or remember about my wedding. Thinking back on weddings where I was a guest, I was surprised at the things that...

As I'm going through the nitty-gritty of wedding planning details in preparation for the perfect day, I found myself wondering what mistakes or oversights my guests will really notice or remember about my wedding. Thinking back on weddings where I was a guest, I was surprised at the things that stuck with me:

1. The entire wedding was absolutely beautiful and elegant, but the bride looked extremely angry right before she walked down the aisle.

2. The bride felt poorly in her wedding dress during the reception dancing and disappeared for an hour with her bridesmaids. The groom acted like nothing happened and did not check up on her.

3. The wedding party got "lost" on their party bus ride, and dinner was two hours late.

4. When nothing suggested it would be an alcohol free wedding but the couple served bottles of grape juice.

5. When the invitation said 'black tie' and we were the only ones to actually show up in black tie. No one else went beyond country club casual.

182 Comments

  • Alexa
    Dedicated January 2018
    Alexa ·
    • Flag

    I'll just leave this here because we haven't attended this wedding yet but I know it will belong in this thread.


    • Reply
  • Miami2NorthernVA
    Master November 2017
    Miami2NorthernVA ·
    • Flag

    I went to a wedding with an invitation time of 4. When I arrived the venue told me the ceremony was not scheduled to start until 5. The ceremony did not actually start until 5:30. I opened my wallet to start drinking because I was bored.

    • Reply
  • Brie
    Dedicated September 2018
    Brie ·
    • Flag

    This wedding was by far the worst wedding we've ever been to. FH's friend got married after about 6 months of dating the girl (she also used to be his brothers gf). At the time I was only dating FH but we had been together for about 5 years at this point. The invitation came to FH & guest. I thought that was a little rude since I've known the groom since I started dating my bf and had hung out with the bride at their softball games.

    Then at the wedding we tried to great the bride and groom. While waiting for them to finish speaking with someone else the bride gives FH a dirty look and goes "one of your 'friends' is trying to speak with you" to the groom. I then told the bride she looked beautiful and she flat out ignored me! We're not sure if she was mad that we didn't go to the ceremony (it was a Saturday afternoon but we both had work) or if we did something else to offend her.

    The reception was at a vfw and while I was assured by family members that the food would be good, it was horrible. It was typical wedding food but it was all cold. And one of our friends is a vegetarian and the only thing for her to eat was a wilty salad with horrible dressing and cold pasta (that she picked the sausage out of. Luckily she isn't picky).

    Then during dinner the couple went around to each table to great their guests. We basically got a hi and bye and then they left but talked to the tables around us for a long period of time. When my FH friends asked the groom for a photo he just walked away from them.

    The theme of the wedding was packers vs bears, so all the decorations were green & gold or navy & orange. It was an interesting look. The bride has informed us that the BMs were wearing blue so we assumed navy, but they were actually wearing a Tiffany blue. I assumed she must have liked the color, but the whole room was a clash of color. Their wedding cake had green icing to match the football theme and no one ate it because they didn't want green mouths ha.

    We only have them $75 in card, which wasn't a lot but I was still in college so I probably had like $40 in my bank account haha. We felt bad but hoped they'd understand. A few days after the wedding the bride went on a huge Facebook rant about how people are so rude and didn't give them enough money in the cards. I'm not sure that it was directed at us, but I just saw that as rude and greedy. But maybe it was directed at us since we never got a thank you card!

    That was really long! But in short: don't be rude, have good food, and don't be greedy! Lol

    • Reply
  • Britteny
    Savvy September 2018
    Britteny ·
    • Flag

    Extremely large bridal party, 15 jr bridesmaids, 10 bridesmaids, maid and matron of honor... took them over 30 minutes to walk down the aisle.

    Being invited to the reception for cocktails and appetizers but upon arrival noticing that the VIP's got a whole dinner. If you can't afford to feed everyone, don't invite them.

    Large gaps between the ceremony and reception

    • Reply
  • Swin.
    Master June 2016
    Swin. ·
    • Flag

    500 people at the wedding. "Gee, glad you thought of me out of half the town we grew up in." It just made me feel like I was invited to fill a chair and bring a nice gift. Not cool. Plus, this was one of my best friends and because it was so huge, she WAVED at me. That's all I got. For taking off work, flying out, and sitting through an hour and a half long ceremony that had a very "Christian or hell" theme to it I would have expected at least a HI at the reception.

    • Reply
  • HappilyEverAfter329
    Super April 2018
    HappilyEverAfter329 ·
    • Flag

    I have two!

    First I went to my cousin's wedding 3 years ago and they had beer and wine during the cocktail hour and then shut the bar down for the rest of the wedding. I had no idea that people actually did that. It was so bizarre to me that they had "barely" an open bar for just an hour.

    The other is I went to another cousin's wedding when I was still in my teens. I was actually in her bridal party. My cousin knew I was a picky eater so she just ordered off the children's menu for me without me having a say. (Whatever no biggie) So the day of the wedding comes and the venue forgot my food completely.

    • Reply
  • Jackie
    Expert May 2017
    Jackie ·
    • Flag

    No seating chart... Awkward when you only know your 3 other people there. We had to pull chairs together so we could huddle at the end of a table.

    • Reply
  • SmCloud
    Savvy November 2017
    SmCloud ·
    • Flag

    No A/C in 112 degree

    weather. I was a BM. I left after the ceremony. The reception hall had no a/c either. That wasn't the only wedding I have been to without A/C. In October, it is still hot in Arizona. I believe it was 90 something and a room full of people sweating. The room temperature was outrageous and no alcohol. They ran out of drinks because everyone was hot. I absolutely hate buffet style. I feel like I'm running with the bulls to get dinner.

    • Reply
  • IntheKeyofP
    Savvy September 2018
    IntheKeyofP ·
    • Flag

    Not me, but my mother!

    My mom and her FH went to FH's sister's daughter's wedding. When they got there, FH's sister (MOB) was getting things ready and set up with her friend, we'll call A. My mom and her FH offered to help, which the MOB then took as her leave to leave to go get ready.

    A, my mom, and mom's FH were left to set up and later rushed to get ready. A was also put in charge of getting food and flowers so my mom and her FH offered to pick up the flowers, that way A wouldn't be as rushed. A gave them the address, which she'd gotten from MOB, but when mom and her FH got there there wasn't a flower shop. Called A and A had been given the wrong address so she would pick them up while mom and her FH made their way back (about 30 mins).

    They arrive about 20 minutes late, go to sit up front with family and there's only enought seats for one more, so my mom sits at the back, of course her FH sits with her.

    Get to the reception and A is running around making sure everything runs smoothly while MOB gets drunk. After reception, MOB then told my mom, mom's FH (MOB's brother), and A that they needed to have everything cleared out by X time.

    Needless to say my mom was NOT happy about the whole thing. This was also a destination for them, in a state neither of them had ever been to before. Also, A was invited as a guest, not being paid as a coordinator or anything.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    Wedding in June in MA, super tiny church, really hot and sweaty. FH was a groomsman so I got dragged to go take pictures (of) them while everyone else got to go to cocktail hour (FH was my only ride) Rocks as place cards. DJ introduces the event saying "welcome to the rabinowitz bar mitzvah" - i dont know if he was kidding, but it wasn't funny.

    Dance floor was lopsided becuase it was outside at the bride's family lakehouse. Last table to be called for buffet so my chicken was lukewarm. Desserts that were pre-made (I actually saw them in the bride's mom's fridge at the SHOWER- yuck)

    They ended up getting a divorce not long after. We gave them a very generous gift and didn't receive a thank you.

    At least it was open bar.

    • Reply
  • Brie
    Dedicated September 2018
    Brie ·
    • Flag

    @kate oh, oops! Yes the bride is a bears fan and the groom is a packers fan. Everything imaginable was either green and gold or blue and navy.

    • Reply
  • Chelsi
    Devoted June 2017
    Chelsi ·
    • Flag

    A gap in between the ceremony and reception where you have to wait for the bride and groom to show up without offering any sort of food or drink! (Surprisingly more than one wedding I have been to)

    • Reply
  • jetgirljade
    Beginner August 2017
    jetgirljade ·
    • Flag

    While I understand some of these stories sound miserable truly...

    I have to say....there are a lot of things to consider that make some of these complaints seem really petty.

    First of all, it's a wedding, not a party. There is a difference.

    Secondly, a lot of people can't afford a big wedding, but their families expect to be included and couples do their best to make that work. There is a lot of pressure. There is NO WAY to please everyone.

    Getting invited should be an honor that a couple wants to share their special moment with you. To complain seems more distasteful than the event being less than perfect.

    Honestly, can we get over hating on the honeyfund? Many people getting married are adults with all they need for their household before the wedding. How is a registry asking for presents considered polite but travel is rude? Being offended by this is very outdated. Furthermore, how is valuing an experience over material things something to be looked down on? If that's the way a couple prioritizes their lives, support their choices, rather than judging them.

    I saw the word "atrocities" used to describe faux pas. That is insanely misguided. There are real atrocities in this world and an imperfect, awkward, or uncomfortable day meant to focus on the union of two loved ones is not one of them.

    I look to these discussions for advice as I plan my wedding, but every time I end up irritated by the immense amount of judgement. There isn't a one size fits all approach to weddings.

    I know I'm not alone in being offended by all this judgement. The day isn't about you, it's about the couple.

    I wish wedding wire would reign this stuff in.

    • Reply
  • Anderson
    Dedicated September 2018
    Anderson ·
    • Flag

    1. Cash bar, ugh.

    2. Same wedding, there was no seating chart. We were friends who didn't know anyone there and had to go around asking 4 different tables of relatives if we could sit with them. It was awkward & there were other people in the same boat as us.

    3. I traveled 5 hours, by myself, to attend the wedding of a friend I hadn't seen in years.

    -- There was 3 hours in between the ceremony ending & the reception. Way too long.

    -- I got lost & arrived at the reception literally 7 minutes late & the seating chart had been put away and my chair at the table was taken away! I had to stand in the corner by the bar, knowing nobody except the bride, and had nowhere to sit. It was so humiliating!

    -- They did some kind of dollar dance that lasted 20 minutes. I guess this the norm for some cultures (Groom is Mexican) but it was really awkward & money-grabby to me.

    -- They also had a honeymoon fund.

    -- Three days later I got a "hey thanks for coming" text message and that was it, no thank you card or anything!

    This was 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since. I still feel strange just thinking about the whole trip, I should've just declined!

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
    • Flag

    @jetgirljade

    couple of things:

    1) Weddings are indeed parties. There are guests. Once you invite just one guest, it is no longer about you anymore. You must consider youe guests and host them properly. Nearly all of these comments are examples of a couple treating their guests poorly.

    2) Sometimes, it isn't just "an honor" to be invited to a wedding. For some, it can be a major pain in the ass. Spending money to fly/travel, hotel room fares, purchasing new clothes, a gift, etc. It's not all fun for guests.

    3) No, I will never stop hating on people that ask for money for trivial things like a vacation. Donating to a cause of my choosing? Sure, all for it. But no, if I havent taken a tropical holiday in 16 years, why in god's green earth would I want to pay for yours?

    4) Asking for money is different than gift suggestions. Most people know that you SHOULD give a gift at a wedding, but it's not necessarily mandatory. Asking people for a certain type of gift (ie money) is very rude and presumptuous that they will be receiving anything at all.

    • Reply
  • cantwait4thedate
    VIP November 2017
    cantwait4thedate ·
    • Flag

    @Alexa, I want to go to this wedding, I LOVE Leavenworth. Smiley winking

    • Reply
  • jetgirljade
    Beginner August 2017
    jetgirljade ·
    • Flag

    @MrsCoakleyToBe

    I disagree wholeheartedly.

    A wedding is not a party, it's a (often religious) ceremony, the reception a way to celebrate the union. But the reception is in no way a necessity and these types of comments treat it as a party and nothing more. The couple provide it to make more enjoyment for their guests, but it has nothing to do with the literal act of getting married.

    A honeyfund is no more required than a gift from a registry. If you don't like it don't use it. To judge the couples wishes or preferences is rude. Your priorities are different. Guess what...It's not your wedding. I doubt the couple judges you for your choice to get a new toaster instead of a vacation. By your logic, why on god's green earth would I buy them a toaster when I don't eat toast?! It doesn't make sense. Some people don't need a new toaster. Some people live differently. That is simply judgement for their life choices and nothing more.

    There is no requirement to accept an invitation any more than there is a requirement of how to be a good host. It's different for everyone. What you find unexceptable may be no big deal to another, or vice versa.

    My point is, some of these comments get very harsh and don't consider the wide variety of cultural traditions (the family often imposes on the couple btw and in this thread people openly mocked and judged at least 2 of those) budgets, and different visions for the big day.

    You want to call it a party? Fine that's your take. But if you don't think it's rude to complain that said party isn't at your standard that is hypocritical to me. Btw it can be really hurtful too.

    My take on the judgement factor is so ubiquitous I recently saw a college humour video about it. So I know I'm not alone.

    Just remember every one is working with different dreams for their big day, different traditions, and different budgets. To look down on them because it's not the same as you is not cool, and there is a lot of that on these forums.

    • Reply
  • jetgirljade
    Beginner August 2017
    jetgirljade ·
    • Flag

    And I'm gonna gamble most of the negative things I read on here, people wouldn't say to the couple. That's probably because that would be rude and embarrassing for both parties. Doing it behind their back isn't much better.

    • Reply
  • Vicki
    Master November 2017
    Vicki ·
    • Flag

    @jetgirljade

    Are you an adult? Because if you are an independent adult, you get to choose your own wedding. It's not forced on you by your family. You're a goddamn adult.

    Plan the wedding you want. Pay for the wedding you want. Invite who you want. By the same token, plan a wedding you can pay for. If you can't pay for the wedding you want, put it off or cut back.

    You don't answer to anyone. Unless you are a) not an independent adult or b) you're taking their money because you can't afford your own wedding, which the family is "imposing" their culture and expectations on you.

    There's not a damn thing wrong with a less expensive wedding or a lower budget. There's a hell of a lot wrong with being a bad host. If you are hosting an event, etiquette says that you need to be a proper host. It's really not that difficult of a concept.

    Ceremony = for the couple.

    Reception = thank you to the guests.

    Just elope if you don't care about the guests. It's easier on everyone.

    Also, if I received an invitation to an event that you were planning to host, I'd want to know if you openly planned on being a poor host so I wouldn't waste my time or my generous, $250 cash gift.

    • Reply
  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
    • Flag

    1. Flew across the country to attend a cousin's wedding, immediately got conscripted into making centerpieces/decorating the backyard venue. Never got so much as an acknowledgement from the bride, much less a thank you.

    2. That cousin's twin got married in the Bahamas. I couldn't afford to attend, but wanted to send a gift...except there was nothing on her registry under $200! I sent a card which was never acknowledged, and the marriage only lasted 2 weeks.

    • Reply

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