Wedding or House? (Venting)

Op, it sounds like you don't really want to be a homeowner yet, but you're drawn to the idea of a house payment being lower than rent, and you stressed you NEED for your housing payment to go down, whatever way that is.

Keep renting. Owning a home is WAY more expensive that renting. When you rent, everything is taken care of by the landlord. You know what your maintainence costs will be, because your landlord pays them, not you. When you own a house, YOU have to pay to repair or replace the furnace when it goes out. YOU pay to replace the faulty hot water heater. YOU pay when you find electric wiring that was never updated and now the house has to be required by an electrician because the previous owners were irresponsible and didn't do it properly.

Deal with slightly higher rent, have your wedding, and then save for a nice house down payment for when and if you decide you even WANT to own a house. Because you sound like you're just looking at that route because it seems cheaper, but it really isn't.

Oh, and let's not for get paying PMI or points if you don't put down at least 10-20%,and your homeowners insurance, which your mortgage holder will require. And any HOA fees if you move into a neighborhood with a homeowner's association.

We bought the house first, but if I had to do it over, I probably would have waited. We bought the best house we could afford at the time, when we should have bought a condo. I thought we were going to do so much entertaining and needed to have a house to do it in, turns out we just do what we always did which is go to his parents every weekend. There's 4 rooms in our house that we never go in. It's 5 years later and we're finally getting married. I say you should think about everything before you settle on house or wedding. Consider your 5 year plan for work and family as well. We knew we weren't planning on kids for a while so we didn't really need 4 bedrooms quite yet. My out of state friends come to stay with us from time to time, but they were happening the couch or air mattress in our apt so we should have stayed and saved more money. We're currently looking to sell and move again haha.

Okay first off, renting is NOT "throwing away money." There is absolutely no guarantee that you will make money on your home in the future---ask anyone who was selling when the market crashed (like me). Right now where I live home prices are a record high--there's a HUGE chance that people who buy now won't get the equity of their homes for at least another 15 years.

Rent is providing a place for you to live, while also affording you the freedom to upgrade, downgrade, or move, much more easily than being saddled with a home you can't sell right away. Anyone who says rent is throwing money away is a fool.

So--if you're not ready to buy a home, don't do it. But that also doesn't mean you have to blow every penny you have on the wedding--maybe you can compromise. Save a little, spend a little on the wedding, and in the meanwhile, slowly start looking at homes for information only. Get to know what kind of homes are in your area, what the prices are, what the range of quality it, what the neighborhoods are like. Take a lot of time exploring, looking at comprehensives, and understanding the historical market values. You may find that the right time to buy isn't for several years based on historical values. Have a lovely wedding (but don't blow the bank) and take your time before you buy a home.

Definitely don't settle for a house unless you're more than 100% sure it's the right one for you both and that you can afford it and all that comes with it. We're in the process of selling our current home (FH bought it before we started dating) and buying our first home together. It's stressful and exciting and not something you should rush into. If you really want to splurge on your wedding, I think you should take the time to save once you're married so that you don't start out too far in debt. Good luck!!

We chose both. Setting aside the wedding budget while saving for house.

You and your fiance need to sit down and ask yourselves what is more important a home or your wedding. Only you two can decide that. Then go from there. I would also recommend a 2nd job if you need to save more for both wedding/house which is what me and fiance are doing for the next 2 years. We want to be debt free as soon as possible. (Student loans).

I agree that you won't find a house that fast and close on it. We did both. We got our hour roughly a year before our wedding. And houses do come with more expenses, esp when it your first house. I came from a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment where I sold my living room & bedroom sets before moving. And FH had roughly 3 rooms of furniture (bedroom, living room and office). When we moved into our house we had 5 empty rooms & 2 empty bathrooms. The pressure was on immediately to get furniture to fill those rooms & to decorate/paint/upgrade the house (big expense). Not to mention our backyard is still bare and so is the Master bathroom. I will say FH wasn't completely sold on our house either. It wasn't the mansion he'd hoped for, but I had to bring him to reality sometimes its better to get what you can afford now than waiting another 3-5 years "wishing" you make more money to afford the dream house. There is such thing as a starter home. So unless you expect to get a huge pay increase in the next 2-3 years don't expect the dream home just yet. Now FH loves our house, and he takes pride in the space we've built together. We both know we want a more stately house one day, but right now this is what we can afford & start a family in. You guys need to compromise. Like I said we got the house while we were still engaged by about a year before the wedding. Maybe instead of living with his grandma 2-3 month you live with her 4-6 months and get both the house and the wedding.

You need to save for more than a downpayment to buy a house. You need to also have emergency savings for repairs and job loss. I've known a few people that ending up sh*t creek without a paddle thinking saving for a house is just saving up for the downpayment.

If you don't like the house then it's not about house vs wedding. You don't like the house so don't get it. A house is too expensive to buy one you have lackluster feelings about.

I've never understood the argument that renting is "throwing away money." Unless you bought your house for cash, you are likely "throwing away money." In the first five years of a 30-year 3.5% mortgage, more than 1/2 of your payment goes to the mortgage holder's pocket. DH always points out that people with a mortgage are just paying rent to the bank, instead of a landlord.

OP, home ownership can be wonderful, but the more you can save for a down payment, the less you'll be "throwing away money."

A house is a pretty huge commitment. Running up on a lease is not necessarily a reason to buy a house. If your post was about finding a house that you love and sacrificing the wedding for that, I think the house would be the better move. If you guys are just looking because it "makes sense" focus on your wedding, find a cheap place to rent and get ready for that step after the wedding.

A house is a pretty huge commitment. Running up on a lease is not necessarily a reason to buy a house. If your post was about finding a house that you love and sacrificing the wedding for that, I think the house would be the better move. If you guys are just looking because it "makes sense" focus on your wedding, find a cheap place to rent and get ready for that step after the wedding.

Going to admit, I pretty much knew what I was going to post just off the headline.

House.

It's all a matter of instant gratification compared to quality of life. A wedding is one day compared to having a home for life (or if it's starter, 5 years..)

@VC. I still stand by renting is throwing away money. I'm not going to be paying someone else's mortgage and extra cash for them anymore. When you are done renting what do you have to show for it? Like I said over 2+ years we've rented this home and we've thrown away over 40k, that could have been towards something we could own. For us it is cheaper to own then to rent (with all taxes and everything included). My brother just got out of college and landed a really good job (yay him!) my only words of advice were to stay home and save and DO NOT RENT. It's a cycle you get stuck in and depending on where you are and prices it can be super difficult to save.

I can see both sides. A wedding is a very important memory. We were very broke at the time of our wedding because as it worked out my husband got laid off- but we had already changed the wedding to something smaller anyhow- so there was no need to cancel.

One reason why the funds weren't available at the time was because we decided to do the wedding on a cash only basis and whatever we would borrow would be for a house. I joke that I had a cake and drink wedding, and spend the catering money on a house. I don't regret it.

This is the way I look at it, even thought the memories of a wedding are forever, since it is only one day, when things go wrong there's not much you can do about it. There's a lot of bride out there that postponed buying a house or condo for a wedding and the wedding turned out to not be worth it. Once you hand over that money to the vendors, there's not much option to get it back if you aren't happy. Then you are left with little to no options to get a home if you feel you should have gone that way.

If you buy a house or a condo, you still have options for a beautiful wedding, even if it's not expensive. One of the most beautiful and fun wedding I've been to was in someone's back yard!

The fact that one way has options and the other doesn't really is what does it for me.

House! My FI and I brought our house almost 2 year ago and it's the most important decision we have made. While your wedding is important having a place to raise your family in is much more important. We decided that we will have a small intimate wedding with those we love the most and I'm sure it will be just as special than any other wedding.

OP, I have had 2 weddings and I have bought homes. Here is what I would be doing if I were in your shoes:

I would rent for another year for starters BUT I would scale back the wedding and put more money towards a down payment.

You should never ever settle when you are buying a house. Now that doesn't mean a first time buyer is going to get all granite countertops and stainless steel appliances (that show every mark in the world. DD absolutely hates hers), open concept, uber grand everything,yada yada yada. What it does mean is you buying a place in the right location that you can see yourself living for many years. Don't settle for buying just any old place due to a time constraint, but have realistic goals for what you can afford.

@Becoming a Mrs - Not every scenario makes buying cheaper nor renting cheaper. It has to be comparable, same location, same size and style of home to properly compare. You are right, maybe renting is wasting money in your case but for some it may not. A home requires a downpayment and there is a huge opportunity cost to buying if say you can invest and make more money out of it.

Most people rent smaller and buy larger so it's not the same comparable.

I rented a condo for 4 years before buying a home. I calculated painstakingly the cost of buying vs renting the same condo unit and in the end I did better renting because mathematically in Toronto Canada, when you buy you have to pay minimum 4% tax on buying and then normally 5% to sell in addition to the opportunity cost of my downpayment, and the costs of property tax, condo fees etc I came out ahead by renting and I had no stress or issues with buying and selling.

Just to buy the home I have now, it cost us $28k in taxes! $28k I'll never see again! Buying and selling is expensive so hopefully those who have to deal with these costs are buying something they love and not just to save money.

I would rather have a house than had a big wedding.

@StokedToBeASaucier omg you pretty much described what FH and I are doing / feeling haha. A house is such a commitment! As much as I'd love to have one I couldn't imagine trying to decide on one now. We both agree, one thing at a time. Marriage first, house second >. <

A house is definitely more important than a wedding. That said, we're doing both. We are trying to keep costs down for our wedding and any money we receive will be put towards a down payment on a house. We are only doing a small mini-moon instead of a full honey moon to save costs as well. But in our situation we are currently renting from a family friend of his parents, so we can stay here for as long as we like until we're ready to move out, so there's no time factor involved.