Vow renewal trend

I think she meant that no one "deserves" a big wedding, vow renewal or not. It's a choice people make--you can choose to throw a big wedding or to do a courthouse ceremony, but either way that's your wedding. Just because you got married at the courthouse and didn't have the big party doesn't mean you "deserve" a re-do. I don't think she was saying you're not allowed to do it--like you said, it's your money and you can spend it how you want. She meant that a JOP wedding is still a wedding so you don't automatically deserve a second chance to do it again with the fanfare. At least that's how I understood her comment.

Everyone has their reasons for doing a vow renewal. Hubby and I are renewing our vows for our 10th anniversary next year. It started out small but then started to take on a life of its own and is now like a second wedding complete with a ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, photographer, videographer, photo booth, and second honeymoon. Our original wedding was small, tiny actually with me, Hubby, MOH, BM and my dad. We have no regrets. It was the perfect day.

We're not looking for gifts or money. If guests bring them, we won't turn them down lol. But our main thing is that we want to celebrate our 10th anniversary with our friends and families and this is the way we choose to do it.

@Julisa - you don't "deserve" it anymore than i "deserve" a mansion. if you can do a big wedding, great! if you can't, GREAT. you're still married, big dress or not. congratulations

do whatever you want and enjoy your party. i obviously don't know you in real life and you certainly don't have to listen to my opinion. i'm just saying, and i don't think i'm alone in this, that i think a fake wedding with the whole shebang is basically putting on a play for your friends and family and it seems gift-grabby. if it's about a big wedding dress, i don't see why you can't buy a big expensive dress and just have a party.

again, it's just my opinion and we can agree to disagree

My grandparents were given a huge ceremony for their 50th anniversary. They weren't able to have a "real" wedding because my grandmothers father in law was dying, so she didn't get her dress made, her fabric was at the seamstress'. On top on that it was an arranged marriage. She was married in a church in her Sunday best, so my father and his two siblings put together a huge event, complete with the wedding dress she had designed all those years ago, made by a friend of hers.

I can understand having a huge ceremony if your wedding was a small courthouse wedding, but I think just having a party and renewing your vows to each other in front of close friends and family should be enough.

Gift grabby?? We are not asking for gifts! Im even making sure i add that to our invites. Dont jump to conclusions.

Call it what u want, I wont let anyone rain on my parade. I'm wearing a WEDDING DRESS, We are calling it our WEDDING and that is that.

@LillyBride My husband and I are preparing to do the same thing - celebrate our fifth anniversary as a vow renewal, to let both sides of our family come together and finally meet and celebrate with us. When his father passed away unexpectedly during his training school, we had a quick courthouse wedding so I could be his emotional support. In contrast, though, we are doing it wedding style - white dress and bridesmaids and all. I've heard of vow renewals that really do treat it as a second wedding, and both sides of the family seem pretty excited for us to treat it this way too.

We are technically having a vow renewal.we just want to go ahead and get married.plus with certain circumstances and money we can't do the big wedding now.we however aren't hiding it from anyone.we aren't alsking dor gifts but we will be doing everything else such as the first dance,bridal party etc..

To each his own. No one says that you have to attend a wedding, a vow renewal, a civil ceremony at all. It's not your event, therefore, your presence is requested, not mandatory.

I'm celebrating my first anniversary with a vow renewal. MY FIRST ANNIVERSARY. Let the trash talk begin.

My mother was hit by a car the week before my wedding and was in the hospital the day of, and in the few weeks after. So the day that we found out that the hospital refused to release her for the wedding was the day that Kyle and I both made the decision that we would do this again, next year.

Please understand that you have no idea what circumstances lie in people's laps. If they want to have a JOP ceremony then have a big wedding when they're ready, how is it your right to judge? And this is not just for the OP, this is for everyone that turns their noses to this ceremony in general.

I see nothing wrong with a small, private ceremony and throwing a big party later on (as long as, like Ashley said, people are honest about it). I would be a little confused by things like a big white dress, first dances, that kind of thing. Vow renewals after major milestones are sweet.

I also agree that no one is entitled to a huge fairy tale wedding-- if that were true my own wedding would look a lot different! But I do think every commitment deserves some kind of acknowledgment and celebration, whatever the couple decides. If someone is throwing something I find rude, I just won't go!

I agree this "vow renewal" trend is pathetic, and using the whole "we had to get married legally for military/insurance/any other crappy excuse, and now we are having a REAL wedding" makes me ill. Your JOP was a REAL wedding! Anything other than that down the road is fake.

My first marriage we went to the courthouse, that was our REAL wedding. No one deserves a fancy party. If you choose to rush to get married because of whatever reason, that is your choice and you you choose to forgo the big party.

Did going to the courthouse make my first marriage "not real?" HELL NO. It was real and it was wonderful. And guess what-we had a fabulous marriage without the BIG PARTY.

To clarify - i am not judging. it's just not my thing and i don't get it.

as i mentioned before, people can do whatever they want and we can agree to disagree

Bottom line: If you want to have a vow renewal - do it! If you don't agree with it, then don't. If you get invited to a vow renewal and don't want to go, don't go.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion agreeing with vow renewals or disagreeing with them. So be it.

I don't think the disagreement is on weather people should or shouldn't have vow renewals. I think it is more of a case of making it into a second wedding and expecting everyone to treat it as if it was your wedding- same expectations and consideration of importance from your guests.

I don't care if my friends have vow renewals every year- but I don't want them to expect me to treat it any different than I would an anniversary party. I will come with a bottle of wine and a cheery attitude but I won't travel for it, I won't be a bridesmaid, I won't give a gift and I won't put up with the drama ahead of time while they sort out the plans for 100 people- been there, done that.

Exactly LetItSnow....there is nothing at all wrong with celebrating anniversaries with loved ones, but please to heaven DON'T PRETEND IT IS A WEDDING!!! No one is being "wed", there shouldn't be "bridesmaids" because *your* (general you) a WIFE not a BRIDE. I just am so sick of hearing all the patehtic excuses to have PPD's. A marriage is a LOT more than a party, and once people start focusing on what is important, I pray we start seeing a decline in all the fake weddings.

And quite honestly, I have actually started to do public records checks for weddings I have been invited to, and several people I know have started this as well because I have told a lot of people the amount of people who are lying to people about being married. A co-worker found out recently she was lied to and she cancelled the couples wedding check, and is thinking aobut taking them to small claims court to be reimbursed plane tickets.

I guess everyone treats vow renewals differently. We've been married 9 years and will be married 10 when we do our vow renewal. No way our family and friends who are invited can confuse it with a wedding. lol They are excited to attend and we have a few out of town guests that already have booked their rooms and can't wait to be a part of it, and we're treating them to dinner when they arrive on the Thursday evening to thank them for coming.

We're having a vow renewal ceremony, cocktail hour and reception complete with sit down dinner, first dance, cake cutting, the whole nine. Not really concerned how people perceive it. They can view it as a vow renewal, anniversary party, second wedding, whatever. This is how we're doing it and whoever wants to be there, great. Whoever doesn't want to come, great.

ETA: And I'm having my original MOH and BM. Why? Because we want to and they are all for it.

It's not that serious

@Nay - you have a fantastic attitude. seriously. always so positive and gracious... i can only imagine the love that you are surrounded by from your husband and your family and friends. i bet they will all have a blast at your renewal

I am mystified by the trend as well. To me, a "wedding" is celebrated because it is the first day you are legally married. That is true regardless of whether you went to the courthouse or a cathedral, wore a white dress or street clothes, or did it with just the two of you or 1,000 of your closest friends and family members.

We were in a situation in which we couldn't legally get married in our home state. We therefore had a very small ceremony 8 hours from home. We had a party back home for our friends who couldn't be at the ceremony, but we didn't have a whole new ceremony.

As for vow renewals months or years after the ceremony, I don't see the point. Vows don't expire, after all. If they are meaningful to the couple, they are fine by me. But I'm going to treat them like an anniversary party, not like an actual wedding.

@Nay-I personally think 10 years is a great milestone for a renewal. I know with my first marriage, our first 5 years were ROUGH. We loved each other and pushed through, and ended up happily married for 16 years before he was killed.

I would attend your vow renewal. You are doing it in a very classy way and I love that the same people are standing up with you.

My problem is the speshul snowflakes who think they HAD to get married for whatever reason, and NOW want the party, then LIE to people. There is no reason these little snowflakes can't have a kick butt party, and not pretend its a wedding, they just don't want to because I bet 95% know that the amount of people that would attend would be drastically lower, and the gifts would nearly be obsolete, so they LIE.

I don't care either way, as long as I'm not paying for it! I would base my decision to attend/give a gift the same for a wedding as I would a vow renewal: can I afford this? Does this work for my schedule? If the answer is no, then I'd regretfully decline by the RSVP date.

Why is it such a big deal... dont agree with it dont ever do it yourself. If you get invited, dont go.. simple as that.

But dont bash others for wanting too. Geez!