Vow renewal trend

Awww shucks. Thanks Kate

Thanks Michelle. Couldn't imagine doing it without the same MOH (BFF) and BM (BFF's husband). She actually suggested I wear my wedding dress. Uh, no. That is where I had to draw the line. lol I'm having a dress made.

ETA: Marci - people do it different ways for different reasons. Ours was supposed to be just an anniversary party. We were going to rent a ballroom and have a party. Then I considered us going to an island with just the two of us. But nooooooo, Hubby got all caught up and now it's a big event.

@Erin My husband was a month out of Navy bootcamp when his father passed, and beginning his formal schooling for his rate. He was in a new place with new people - and after losing his father (whom he was close to), I'm fairly sure there are some people who would snap under all the strain. Getting the marriage license was a requirement for his higher-ups to authorize (yes, authorize) us living together in base housing. My husband has told others and myself time and again that he couldn't have handled the training if we hadn't decided to get married when we did.

@Erin: I'm trying very hard to understand where you're coming from without feeling slighted. What I am reading from you (please let me know if I'm wrong) is that even if it is important to a couple to share a formal ceremony and celebration with a large number of friends and family, if circumstances change and they have to settle for a courthouse affair, it invalidates the desire for what they originally planned. I'm not intending to be rude - I just want to clarify where you stand so that we're on the same page.

Like i said before @CharismaLadyN.. do as u please. Everyone has an opinion.. others just take it way too far. At the end of the day.. its your money being spent and if you want to have a SECOND WEDDING.. go for it!

These seem relevant

http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2013/07/11476/ and

http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html. I agree with the ideas and advice provided by both.

But then again, as has been made clear here, it's really up to everyone to decide for themselves how they want to celebrate. And if you want to have a big party, that's your prerogative just like it's someone else's to choose not to participate.

@Erin I feel very hurt that you would take my words out of context like that. Nonetheless, you did answer my question - thanks for helping me clarify

@Julisa & Charisma - I got your backs! FH and I will be married legally in the states prior to our DW and we're calling it our WEDDING. We're exchanging vows, I'm wearing a dress, there will be rings, flowers, toasts perhaps. We won't even be acknowledging our legal marital status, even privately, until our DW. I know some people will jump up and down and scream until they're blue in the face with the whole "but you already HAD your wedding when you signed your marriage license!" "You aren't ENTITLED to anything!" And so on and so forth. I just shrug and say, great consider YOURSELF married whenever YOU want. Because as it is, FH and I are paying for it and we are entitled to define our wedding/marriage however we damn well please. Just as you ladies are. Don't let anyone rain on your parade! If the concept is offensive to others, they should plan on checking the decline box on the RSVP card.

Thank You!

Well said @The Future Amy Everhart

@Julisa that is the thing- CharismaLadyN CANNOT afford the big party. She was looking to ask people for donations to fund this party.

Like Erin said there is nothing wrong with having a party, just DON'T pretend it is a wedding when it is not.

And CharismaLadyN, my first husband was military, and we ran off to the courthouse without his family present, and my family was pretty pi*%ed....so we definately didn't have emotional support at all. Your situation is NO DIFFERENT than anyone else. And it is standard for low ranking enlisted to not be able to live off post unless they are married, so once again, no special situation.

I really think you are not understanding what marriage is about if you think going to the courthouse is "settling". Put on your big girl panties, and realize you made a choice, and your choice was to cash in on those military benefits instead of the big party.

LMAO

@NAY

This post wasn't meant to argue if people should renew their vows or not- to each their own. But rather, discuss vow renewals that act as a second, third, fourth...weddings. If friends have ALREADY done the big shindig then I just don't want to be expected to do it again. I don't care if someone had a ceremony and planned the big reception at a later date- but I'm only getting you a gift for exchanging vows once. Not at every renewal. But if you already had a reception with all the bells and whistles I don't like any expectations passed onto the guests to treat it like you are getting married for the first time. If my friends want to have vow renewals every weekend so be it, but I don't want to feel obliged to be there with a pricey gift.

@Michelle Yes, I did consider for a brief time asking for the money to make our celebration happen. The people here on the forums (including you) helped me to confirm that my gut instinct was correct: that such a motion would be trashy and ill-conceived, and that I should stick to saving for the celebration myself - in fact, I said as much in my original thread asking for that very opinion. I'm thankful that this community is supportive enough of each other to be upfront with their opinions and still be courteous to one another.

@LetItSnow I agree with you, and I apologize for having a hand in getting this thread off track.

@LetItSnow, check the articles I posted--they back you up 100%. No "wedding gift" for vow renewals

I can see not wanting to do the whole thing AGAIN as far as gifts go, if it has already been done. Personally, as long as I am not expected to get a second gift I don't see what the problem would be (As I would have given gifts the first time).

I love getting together with friends and family, I think a renewal would be fun. And the whole semantics argument over whether it is or is not a wedding and what it should be technically called... who cares. Maybe they are calling it a wedding because it is the first time they will make spiritual vows, who knows. Maybe some people consider the term wedding to be the joining in vows with family as witness....

I don't see why anyone would be angry it was misrepresented as a wedding if they had not attended the original ceremony? Why would that make you angry? Besides there are 2 parts to a wedding, a ceremony and reception... so if you have only completed one part maybe your wedding is incomplete. This is why semantic arguments are boring!

My husband and I were married on a whim October 14, 2013 in a tacky Vegas wedding chapel with a single witness. THAT was our wedding and will be our only wedding, and it was perfect because we were together in that moment! We meant our vows that day, have honored them every day since and will keep on honoring them for the rest of our lives.

We are throwing a CELEBRATION (“I Do, Part Two”…so silly but I love it) with our friends and family September 13, 2014 under no pretense of a “wedding.” Everyone knows we are married…we don’t need to repeat it! We are having a cocktail reception and are toasting each other to start things off. If people want to get us gifts they can and if they don’t they are under no obligation to (and wouldn’t have been obligated if it were our real wedding, either). This is going to be an awesome party to celebrate our marriage and each other with the people who matter to us.

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It irritates me when I hear people say, “I was married in a courthouse but am going to throw a huge ‘real’ wedding,” or words to that effect. You already had a real wedding and now you’re just throwing a party. It’s really disrespectful to people who were married in a courthouse/JOP/etc to make claims that it’s not a real wedding. Go ahead and have it, but stop trying to fool yourself and call it what it really is…A PRETEND “WEDDING.”

Rant over.

Really? Those of us who have civil ceremonies for religious, budget, and other issues "don't deserve" to have the wedding of our dreams? Wow! May God never put you in a position where you have to choose between following Him and waiting to have a large celebration with our friends and families when we are able to better afford it.

Some of the comments on this thread are ignorant, hurtful, and simply ridiculous. Having a civil ceremony (and asking for NOTHING from anyone) to get legalities out of the way, then footing the bill for the wedding of your dreams is in NO WAY "cheapening" our vows or making those of us who take this route "money grubbers." For those of you wondering about first dances, etc., they are usually saved for the wedding day that you swear we don't deserve. My FH doesn't dance, so our first dance at our big wedding will be our first. I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with whatever my family does or doesn't do for me for my wedding, regardless of what it is.

I'm not objected to a vow renewal I think it's a nice idea when your married 20 50 years it's beautiful!!

The problem with today's society is the fact that people get caught up with the whole "wedding party" idea that many people neglect to focus on why they are getting married!

For instance I am so stoked about our wedding but I also know that I am marrying my true best friend my rock my soul mate and I am also marrying into a family who is loving and caring and I wouldn't want it any other way! People need to take a step back and stop thinking about the "party" part and realize what you are marrying and getting yourself into.. Not just the over the top have to have all this added shit PARTY!!! Because in reality that's all it is wasting thousands of dollars on 5 hours to celebrate you and your new husband!

So serious. Take deep breaths. It's not that deep