Vegan Wedding--Rude? Experiences?

Ok, now I'm a troll!? Sorry, I've been on here since May & am on regularly. I'm not trolling. & yes, I always notify people of my allergies. However, to act like being a vegetarian isn't a choice is absurd. It is a choice just like choosing to eat meat. In most cases anyways.

The argument that this isn't fair to people with food allergies makes no sense unless the hosts have explicitly refused to accommodate someone's food allergy. I can't eat garlic, onions, red meat, lactose, gluten, cruciferous veggies, and many other things (yes, it sucks!). Should I be angry that a wedding doesn't offer an option that suits my intolerances? Of course not, because that would be straight up insane. If I want to eat, I better say something or I'll be a normal human and feed myself because I don't want to make the chef's life miserable.

Also, no one is "allergic" to all vegan food. It's impossible. Tomatoes and mushrooms are just as likely to be in a chicken dish as they are to be in a vegan dish.

@ Celia: I get what you're saying, but religious belief and religious teaching are almost be nature not 100% logical. They're rooted in tradition and faith. So, I don't think it's fair to require someone to explain or justify their belief in order for it to be worthy of respect.

I'm saying this as someone who is not religious.

There are definitely vegan foods out there that are delicious! I am not vegan, and I'm not huge on a good amount of vegetables. However, there are vegan meats, pastas and other foods, that I literally couldn't even tell wasn't what I was used to! If the couple prefers to serve vegan food, that's their choice. I don't think it's rude. I also don't think that you should knock it until you try it. I doubt they're going to serve you a plate of veggies for dinner with nothing else.

" Convictions are a completely different matter. "I believe it is wrong to use animals as food, therefore I will serve foods that do not use animal products" is a moral conviction. In this case they are still offering their guests numerous options from which to choose. "

So what about vegetarians, like my friend, who are not morally opposed, but refuse to eat meat. Was I obligated to provide her a veggie meal at my wedding? What about guests who are gluten free out of choice, not allergy? Was I obligated to provide them a gluten-free meal?

@mrs sitzman I'm kind of dying to know what vegetables and fruits you're allergic to. This seems like a troll.

I don't think it's rude as long as they are providing an adequate meal. Guests should be able to go without meat for one evening.

Not everything that is vegan is just vegetables. Anything you eat there can be a vegan version. So no I don't think it's rude at all. Vegan is a lifestyle not a diet.

Yes Elizabeth to both questions. You're obligated to cover the dietary needs of your guests and provide them with a meal, even if you don't consider it "valid".

@ Elizabeth: As a host, you are obliged to respect your guests' dietary restrictions without judging them. It is not your place to determine whether their restriction is worthy of respect or to police it based on whether it is moral, allergy-related or whatever. A good host just accommodates. That is what a good host does.

@Celia you're an officiant and you honestly believe that no religions have a prohibition against serving alcohol? As a a Catholic I am morally opposed to abortion. Which means not only should I not procure one myself, I should not enable anyone else to procure one. Eta: I'm not standing outside any clinics....I just would never work in one or encourage anyone to make that choice. Many Muslims, LDS folks and other flavors of Christian think the same way about alcohol. It is not difficult to understand.

If we're going to play the "Muslim friend" card, I have some too. At least one requests that no one bring alcohol when she hosts a dinner party. Because she is morally opposed to serving it under her roof. Yes, there is stuff in the Qu'ran about how it's better not to drink it at all than to risk excess. It's a religious belief. Come on now.

@Elizabeth. Traditional etiquette would say that they shouldn't have ever asked you for a gluten-free meal if that was just a dietary preference, not a real allergy or moral choice. However, it would also say that now that they have asked, it would be proper to provide them with food along their guidelines (though you are not obligated). I guess the 1000 cotillion classes my parents made me take are finally coming in handy lol.

As for the religious issue, I can 100% solve that problem right here right now. There are DEFINITELY religions that prohibit serving alcohol. There are hundreds of religions in the world, not just Christianity, and no one has studied all of them. But I lived with an indigenous tribe for a summer. If someone even brought alcohol onto their land, they felt it was tainted. They thought that touching alcohol (they called it "the conqueror's drink" or something along those lines, my translation is probably off) would ruin their traditional way of life.

Sorry, I understand the moral beliefs aspects and all that, but I would never make my guests follow my own beliefs. When it comes to this, alcohol, or any other personal belief. It's about their comfort and hosting them properly in every way. The only time I'd think it's okay is if literally every guest follows the same beliefs; but that's probably not the case. Just my opinion.

@Jacks, but the OP has stated that they doesn't like any of the foods chosen or is allergic. OP was told that they are not a toddler and can eat food even if they don't like it. Wouldn't serving meat be covering their dietary need, even if the PPs think that not liking vegetables isn't a valid dietary restriction?

I have a huge list of foods that I can't eat & trust me, I know to make people aware of my allergies. Having a allergy to nuts alone cuts an enormous amount of food out. I'm also deathly allergic to bananas, onions, melons, mangoes, wheat & the list goes on & on. When you have allergies you also become afraid to try new things for fear of dying. Regardless, I really feel like people need to educate themselves on the lives per calorie value of the foods they eat. A lot of vegans don't realize that they are actually contributing to animal deaths despite what they think. Animals that roam onto vegetable farms are very often killed for the sake of the crop. There are no foods that are completely free from having an impact on animals. That's why, despite being an animal welfare advocate, I do eat meat. I try to make sure it comes from humane and local sources. Factory farms are the worst. It is a choice because just as most people wouldn't die from eating vegetables, most people won't from eating meat either. & if you're really concerned about how many lives are lost then don't eat eggs. Almost all male chicks are killed on egg farms. I'm done with this topic.

Forget the word vegan for a moment. Per OP's comment on the first page, the hosts are serving the following:

Option 1: BBQ grilled Portobello

Option 2: Veggie lasagna

Option 3: Grilled (or fried) tofu

Option 4: Veggie stuffed peppers

You may or may not like these options, and there might absolutely be people who cannot eat these options based on their own dietary restriction, but both of those facts are potential issues with every single wedding meal anywhere in the world. Yes, these options lack meat, but there's little to the argument that they aren't full meals. It's unlikely that the couple is not asking their caterer to ensure these are completely filling meals with appropriate sides and appetizers.

In my opinion, this and many other problems are easily solved if you take it out of the context of a wedding.

If I were attending the home of a vegan for a dinner party, I would not expect them to serve me meat or animal products just to host me properly. I am obviously friends with them as I have been invited to their house, so I know they are vegan and respect that in them because we are friends. At a dinner party I expect to be fed well (of the host's choosing, as it obviously is a dish they enjoy) and to enjoy the company of others in a clean (as in not trashy) environment. That is being a good host.

Weddings are the same, just on a much bigger scale.

It baffles me how people say they would just "turn around and go home with the gift" if things are not how they expect. You are obviously close enough to the bride and groom to get invited to a wedding so why such disrespect for their differences in culture and beliefs. In my opinion, embracing differences in cultures and beliefs in people makes life exciting and makes me a better person all around.

I know many of you will disagree, and that's cool. Your opinion matters, too, and I'm not judging. I just see it differently.

Just my two cents.

@Kyle - seriously! Not to mention that four options are more than you get at most plated meal weddings!

So wait, some of you are arguing that dietary preferences do not need to be catered to (i.e. if someone prefers meat, the host doesn't have to provide it), but yet, someone who is gluten-free by choice, not allergy, and someone who is vegetarian by choice, not moral belief, should be catered to. How is that not hypocritical again?

Oh ffs, Elizabeth, you can serve a meal to someone without needing to add meat. I'm done explaining this to you.

Paige, by all means if the OP can't find a meal that she can eat safely then she should by all means notify the host. I'd feel horrible if I unknowingly served someone a meal that they couldn't eat. Same as if they were guests in my home.