Technically eloping? but will have a wedding/proposal/engagement later?!

The way I read it you have 6 months to get married and are seeing your family in 2 weeks in the US? And his family lives in the UK? So yay! You have 6 months to plan a wedding! If you aren't to concerned about having your family there, but he would want his mom (or she would be hurt) why not announce your engagement to your family in 2 weeks, and plan a wedding in the UK sometime in the next 6 months? Or wherever you are now and fly his mom in for it if that is a financially available option?

If you are planning to be married, you are engaged. The proposal ship has sailed.

True their may be a verbal portion but that can be kept as minimal as possible if you don't want it to feel like the real deal. I'm just saying maybe talk to your family. My family was all about technically doing a wedding for the tax break and then doing what we would all consider the real ceremony later. That is not to say that a courthouse wedding isn't a real wedding. In my case I would have considered that the legal portion and not my emotional wedding. It can be done. Just don't lie to anyone. See how everyone feels about it. If they are anything like my family they won't care. My Dad and Mom aren't watching me sign the paperwork at the wedding in July. Why would they want to watch me sign it early.

@EW - No, there are specific certain parts that have to be done verbally, including specific vows. You can have a 15 minute ceremony, but you still have to have the verbal portion. It's legally binding.

You do you. But good luck.

Is that for all states?? I've tried looking it up and I can't find anything. Maybe the law is different in CA?

In California: http://law.justia.com/codes/california/2009/fam/420-426.html

I'm not sure if someone said this already, I apologize if I'm repeating, but marriages are public records. Anyone can look them up to see when the day to documents are signed, that could make the situation even stickier if someone in his family were to look that up.

As other have suggested, I think planning a wedding in 6 months is completely doable if that's the route you decide to go.

@Jay said it for me. Regardless of his mother being hurt, the fact that he wants to say you're just his girlfriend to everyone when you are his wife is extremely disrespectful to you and your relationship, and is a huge red flag.

Better he hurt his mom now than lie. And lies of omission are still lies. You wouldn't build a house on a quicksand foundation, but that's essentially what you want to do with your marriage. It makes zero sense.

Personally, I don't see a problem with you getting married now and doing a big celebration with family and friends at a later date. And even doing a ceremony later. But it will technically be a vow renewal because you can't legally get married twice. If marriage is something that you have talked about previously and you know that you want to be together forever, then I think it's fine. But, if the visa is the only reason for thinking about marriage, it might not be a good idea.

And what do you plan to do if someone asks if you are married? I don't think you have to make a huge announcement that you got married. You can keep it quiet. But if someone asks about it, don't lie. You have to be prepared for people to find out. If someone asks, be honest. Let them know that you decided to get married quietly with just the two of you because you wanted to continue to love together in a new country. And let them know your plans for a celebration including everyone at a later date. This will also mean that the news will probably spread through your family. Be prepared for more phone calls from people wanting info.

In CA you can hold a private marriage certificate. Not sure why anyone would want to but it's an option. I just think OP should tell her family. Keep it simple. Say what you need to say and sign what you need to sign. You can still have a ceremony, exchange vows and rings. As you can see some people will be hurt that they didn't see the "real" ceremony. Talk to your family and friends. Hopefully most won't care. I wouldn't care. Seeing you exchange vows wether it be the first time or the 10th time would all be the same to me. It will be just as special when you have your big dream "vow renewal". All my friends that did this said it didn't feel any different until they walked down the aisle and said vows that came from the heart. It can be that way for you.

There's nothing wrong with that! If you are in love and want to elope now for the sake of moving/visas/etc, you totally can! My FH and I are getting married in 17 days with only our close friends and family present and keeping it secret from others because hes in the Navy and we need to marry sooner. We still had a proposal, engagement party, and will be having our public wedding next October. It's not uncommon! Congrats and good luck with your move!!

Kylee that is a bad idea to keep it a secret. People will be hurt and mad. Also once you are married you are married, no showers, no parties, etc. Thank you to you FH for his service, however do you really think lying to loved ones is honorable?

A private certificate has nothing to do with the words said at the ceremony. Is your point that OP's family won't be able to see the certificate if they look it up? I am pretty sure that California is the only state that has that option.

I think the only way you can get that private certificate is if you are a celebrity. That may explain why CA is the only state that has it.

It's just something I read this morning. And yes the point was that nobody could look it up. I don't suggest keeping it a secret. I think OP should talk to family and friends and just get opinions. It can't hurt. If they are against it then you have 6 months to plan a wedding.

Jessie: anyone can get one.

The keeping it a secret part seems like a lot of work to me. Why not just tell everyone? I mean you moved to Asia to be with him for crying out loud. This seems like a very weird start to a marriage.

@Kaitlyn M. I get your point of view, but my FH and I have definitely thought this through. Since he is in the military, neither of us have family members near us other than my father and my brother. He will be telling his father and stepmom (who won't be able to make it anyway, but will get plenty of pictures). They're totally fine with it and if anybody else is angry at us for getting married before it was convenient for them, then that's their problem not ours I guess!

Kylee, no problem with getting married when you need to get married for military reasons. Thank you for your family's service. But, what is the reason for keeping everything a secret? I really don't get it.