Technically eloping? but will have a wedding/proposal/engagement later?!

Once you're married, you're married. You can have a vow renewal later on, but the ship has sailed on the whole proposal/engagement.

Oh dear. This is going to be my entertainment at work today

When you sign papers, that is a real wedding. If you two have talked about getting married, made an appointment, and want to sign papers it is a real engagement. You do not need a ring to be engaged. Also do not lie to family. Use the search bar and see everyone's opinions on this. It is a very hot topic.

Edit: spelling

Do it if you want. Get a nice dress, go to the courthouse/ get a nice officiant, and then afterwards take everyone out to dinner.

Later on down the line he can always buy you a ring and you all can have a vow renewal with a party. The key is to be honest and not hide the fact it happened.

On the first page of the forums there is someone that shared their cousin got married and lied about it, you can read how upset they were to find out after, I think being honest is best

Don't lie. You can have a vow renewal but you only get married once.

You can always do a vow renewal later but I would tell your family now

We just feel that it is too soon to tell family "hey we are getting married in 2 weeks". I'm not worried about my family but more for his since his mother wants to be part of it. I guess how I see it or want to see it as just a paper work. But I do want the proposal:/ and it's bothering me that he hasn't asked me "officially " if that makes sense. But i guess that shouldn't really matter anyway right? Especially if we live together and have pets and practically already married except not on paper.

Honestly, don't lie to your parents, family, or friends.

I had a small church wedding before the huge blessing and celebration a month later. I told everyone why I wanted to keep it private, and a small select few were invited (immediate family only). We then hosted a small party that was catered.

I still say take immediate family to the courthouse or hire an officiant. Have a meaningful, small ceremony, then take them to dinner. Send out marriage announcement cards after if you'd like. Just don't hide it. Do you really want your parents to miss your wedding?

What is the thought process behind not telling your families? That could cause major problems so I am interested in why you think that is the best way to go. Also, many people here, including myself, are happily planning a courthouse marriage. The implication that that is not a "real" marriage or wedding is pretty offensive. I'm sure you didn't mean it to be, but just FYI it is the only real marriage you will have in this scenario, so be sure you will be ok with that down the line.

Honestly I don't really want any of my family there. The only person is maybe my grandfather but he wouldn't be able to make it anyway. To have a wedding I want his family to be there. So we would have it in The UK. And Part of me feels that should we even have one if we already live together?(wedding not marriage).

To me it sounds a bit like you're rushing into this for the sake of the visa, which is concerning. I hope you're truly ready to commit to each other.

Tell your parents, have them be witnesses at the court house, take them out to dinner. Plan a big celebration down the road if you still want to. But I know many parents would be devastated if their children eloped without telling them.

ETA: many (most?) couples live together beforehand nowadays and still have a wedding. Don't let that influence your decision!

So have his family and your grandfather there. It will probably cause a lot of hurt feeling, but that depends on the rest of your family and your relationships. Star has a great suggestion and way to proceed. It's not "just paperwork." You get married once. This will be your wedding. You can have a big celebration after, vow renewal, whatever you want. Won't make you more married. The potential to upset family is really high, but the reason you are getting married quickly isn't to exclude them. Explain it just the way you have here and I'm sure they will understand.

Its not just paperwork. You will be legally married. Don't you want to make a bigger deal of it? Don't you want to celebrate?

And honestly, you can be engaged without a ring. Once both of you starts planning marriage you are engaged! Rings and big celebrations can come later.

If its "just paperwork" for a visa, I'd advise against marriage. Its hard work and a commitment.

If you don't feel comfortable telling your family you're getting married, that's your brain telling you that it's probably a bad idea.

Don't lie to people. Do you REALLY want to start off your marriage living in a lie? Because that's what you're proposing doing.

Yes, you can always do a vow proposal later, and that's all good and well, but don't lie to your family. Tell them, upfront, if you're going to get married. If you're that worried about what they'll say, then like I said, you probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place. PP is absolutely correct in saying that a "wedding" later is not a wedding. A wedding is the point in time which you are wed, so unless you plan on divorcing and remarrying this guy, you can't have a second wedding. It's a vow renewal.

Being an adult means sucking it up and doing the right thing, even when that isn't what you want to do.

There was no implication of courtyard wedding/marriage not being real! I as implying that the later wedding for my scenario would be considered the real one.

But if the later "wedding" is real...that certainly does imply that your courthouse wedding is fake. You really only can get married once.

When you say that it's "just paperwork" that is definitely an implication of it not being real, and the fact that you would disregard it and consider the second one the real one after already getting married also implies the same.

So how would you manoeuvre that? An officiant isn't going to pronounce you and you won't publicly sign your license. How will you explain these things to your guests?

He doesn't feel comfortable telling his family and I was trying to convince him other wise. I didnt want to tell my family because I don't need them to anyway indirectly inform his parents through "congratulations" via social media etc. having this date, it is rushed since we are racing the clock. For me I don't need marriage to define that he is my life partner. But being married does make it easier in terms of living together especially abroad. So it comes down to fast tracking the paper bit before the other stuff and I think that just may make mess if it's not "in order" for his family.

Do people actually watch you sign a paper in traditional weddings?