Strip Club the night before the wedding

It wouldn't bother me. I'm confident in our relationship and my DW's fidelity and don't see strip clubs as a big deal. I see lying as a big deal though.

I wouldn't have cared, I don't think. I know my guy will be up until late hanging with his guys the night before, so if he didn't get a bachelor party either, I'd understand. The lying is annoying though.

I think now that you are married, you should just try to let it go unless you feel like there was more to the story.

I've got 0 issues with strip clubs in general. I've been to them with FH, we both have been individually. There's 0 issue with that. IMHO, there is no problem with that unless the situation involves deceit and disrespect, both of which I'm sorry to say occur in your situation.

First of all, out until four am the night before your WEDDING, is absolutely disrespectful. The fact that his family encourages it, and has the boys will be boys attitude, infuriates me.

Second, fine, you wanna go out and blow off steam the night before they wedding. I don't know many (read: any) brides that would be comfortable with their FH being at a strip club until four am the night before their wedding. Go out to the bar for a nightcap? Maybe. Toss back a few rounds at a hotel bar? Sure.

But what bothers me the most is the deceit. Hiding it from you is really fucking terrible behavior. He hid it because HE KNEW YOU WOULD BE FURIOUS/UPSET THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING. he hid it because he felt guilty about it. He hid it because he knew it was fucked up. He's an adult. He knows how to say "No." He knew you'd be upset so he tried to minimize it and that's not okay.

He shouldn't have done it in the first place. Lying is even worse.

I'm sorry. If this happened to me on my wedding day, I seriously don't think I could walk down the aisle. I'd be a wreck. I'd be crying and probably itching to lose my shit on FH. I can't imagine getting my hair and makeup done, calmly enjoying getting ready with my girls and putting on a damn wedding gown and walking down the aisle to a man that just lied to me and probably held some strippers tits less than 12 hours ago. Nope.

Counseling. Stat.

UO: Strip clubs personally don't bother me. To me the issue would be why he felt the need to lie. I also don't understand why it bothers you more that he did this the night before your wedding. You'd be cool with him going to a strip club any other night and staying out until 4?

Strip clubs in general don't bother me. Never have as I'm confident in our relationship and do trust him. The timing and way this was handled are what is bothering me. The attitude of his family and disrespect of it is what bothers me. I would have never expected this as H is like seriously a super stand up, honest guy. He's chivalrous to a fault normally and the romantic one in our relationship. I have no idea how I kept myself together other than my best friend knows exactly what to say and when.

I'd be angry. Counseling to address stuff. Everything about that is wrong.

Ok yall not might like what im about to say but im gonna say it anyway....

My FH is going to a strip club the night b4 the wedding do i know what time there gonna be back no... honestly does it matter no.... if he wouldnt have went to a strip club would it had made any difference...he is grown no one peered pressured him... and yes boys will do what boys do... but they have their own minds and make thier own decisions.....i am also going out the day b4 my wedding.... its what works for every one.... as long as you do what needs to be done and youre where youre supposed to be at the time youre supposed to be there i could care less if you walk in at 6 am.... the fact that he didnt tell you i get it id be pissed to but that would have been the first question out of my mouth when i asked the question... but thats nit what you asked.....

Now is it a deal breaker... obviously not cause you stilled martied him... if its something you cant get over you should have talked befire getting married even if everyone had to wait.....you cant forgive someo e for something and then throw it in thier face.....and yes by marrying him thats exactly what was said "i am angry but well get through this"...

Talk it over let him know how you feel about the strip club because thats what its really about and thats that...and what Naijell said is true in a way... trust and honesty was always there but marriage is supposed to be a new life a new start dont go int the marraige holding on to tbings that happened before the marriage....if you feel like you cant let it go definately let him know how you feel about it or get counseling ..and then let it go....

Personally I would not have a problem with FH going to a strip club. The night before the wedding is a bit weird though. I would be pissed if he stayed out until 4 am that night. It also isn't fair if there is a double standard. At this point I would try to forgive but get the point across that you were hurt.

We did talk about it before the wedding. The photographer gave us some time to be alone and chat. I am also not holding it over his head or punishing him. Obviously everyone has their own way of handling things but I'm not asking for advice. I'm simply asking if I was overreacting for being so upset. And it seems like I'm not alone in that. And the fact is, he wasn't where he was supposed to be when he was needed which was caused by the poor decisions and late night the night before our marriage. This isn't even about trust.. I know exactly why he didn't tell me. That doesn't make it any better. He still lied to cover his ass but also to try and not ruin the day. I don't know what the double standard is you're talking about because I've never said anything alluding to that. We discussed it again the day after the wedding... Between us it is settled and doesn't get brought up. This is about my feelings about it and wanting to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I don't even think it's so much about the fact that he went, as much as it is about the fact that he didn't consider you or your feelings before making the decision. He chose to marry you and decisions like this should be mutual, in my opinion.

I don't really love strip clubs, and if I thought FH was super into going to them, I actually think I'd have liked him less to begin with. He actually used to go frequently in his early 20s (sailor on leave), so I'm glad we met later.

That being said, I gave him a pretty clear pass to go for his bachelor party, provided his party was 2 weeks or more before the wedding. I agreed to the same terms, and I'm not even going to see strippers. We have our parties the same weekend, and as long as he doesn't cheat on me (which he won't because he's the most loyal person on earth), and comes back as pretty as he left, I don't care what they do.

But I will have none of this night before shit. A girl has got to have boundaries, and you are within your rights to be pissed.

This is not okay. Bachelor party whatever. But not the night before your wedding...

This would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry. Naked women on top of your FH hours before your wedding? Really? This guy sounds like he has the maturity and sensitivity of a college frat boy.

The night before is irrelevant to me. Personally, I don't like strip clubs but I really don't like lap dances and I get why you're upset. I would be upset he tried to keep it from you most of all.

Talk to him about it. Get his perspective. Talk about expectations going forward.

ETA - saw your comment. You're not alone! I'd be mad. But I do think you should get to the deeper issue. Why didn't he tell you? Is his reaction to hide things that he knows you won't like or will hurt your feelings? Or was it just bc it was the wedding day and any other day he would have said something? There's a difference there

In all the years we've been together he's never lied to spare my feelings. I believe it was because it was our wedding day and he wanted to save it in his own way.

I feel like you put so much thought and effort into planning a fabulous day and he allowed family to convince him to do something he knew would be upsetting to you. I would be upset and hurt. Have a good discussion with him about it and let him know what your boundaries are moving forward.

Judith? that makes no sense whatsoever.

I've never expressed my personal opinion on this topic, and, when it comes to a couple's SHARED sexual proclivities and preferences, I'm out of your bedroom. Couples, do whatever you want, but don't betray each other unless you want a ton of emotion and drama dumped on you. This is an incredibly personal, subjective area, and it's best to have the rules out there -- in black and white, before you take the position of "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission." On this topic, it's easier to ask for permission.

Boys will be boys? Okay then, girls will be girls. A built, ripped, young, thick haired, gorgeous faced, testosterone laden man with hypnotizing eyes and a toned, oiled body, erotically dancing on stage, is the equivalent of a what a heterosexual man salivates over at a strip club. If you're single, or not engaged, there's no need for a conversation about visual, live, retail porn at arm's length. Buy into the illusion, forget the truth behind the entire dynamic, and have at it. But, once you're looking at the woman you think will be the future mother of your children or your "till death do us part" life partner, you'd better rethink your recreational adventures, especially if they fall into the sexual category. As an individual who is about to take the most serious, most restrictive vows (beyond those a religious devotee would take), what the hell?

If I learned that my husband spent the wee hours of our wedding day reaching for implanted saline bags with nipples that were being shoved in his face as the owner of those implants squirmed all over his lap while extending the elastic waist band of her five hour old, used nylon thong thing so that he could plant a Lincoln on her, yeah, I'd be upset. Once I got over that, I'd start thinking of the stats -- that not many of these strippers are Jenna Jameson wannabees. A whole hell of a lot of them are runaways or have been left by other assholes, who are somewhere having some other bleached blonde grind on them, and are now dependent on those coveted dollar bills to feed the offspring of the assholes they had the misfortune to encounter.

If you're into this as a couple, fine. It's a free country. However, if you're a bride, and this issue has come up, and you just realized that your groom came in with the sun after being at a strip club, then you have a right to be upset. The problem is that you said, "Any other night I wouldn't have cared...". Well, he didn't believe, because of previous discussions you'd had, that this would really be a big issue for you. If he would have been livid if you'd done the same thing, which is what you said, and you're livid and hurt over what he did, perhaps this warrants an entirely hew conversation. No?

ETA: Judith, I can barely read your post, let alone comprehend it. Sorry.

I would have lost my shit..

The night before the wedding he was to stay at this dad's house with the groomsmen. Partly for tradition and partly for the logistics of transportation and getting ready. He was supposed to have a few beers and then call it a night. We all know what happened. If his family had suggested it for the bachelor party, no problem. I get that. The issue was that it was the night before our wedding, not the strip club itself. To me that night should have been calm, relaxing and hanging out with out of town guests. Much like my night went at our place. We've discussed it and as I said he is remorseful and we don't bring it up anymore. This is now MY issue because I can't stop feeling hurt. Knowing that I'm not alone on how I feel does help because I'm not irrational or throwing a tantrum like has been said. I appreciate all the kind words and support.