Starting a family and anxiety! Advice

What kind of hours do you work that you can't find a therapist that's conducive to your schedule?

You need to make time. My therapist used to see people as late as 8pm. You need to make time. This is not optional.

I am TERRIFIED of the act of giving birth. Mostly just because I panic regarding anything that may hurt. I have a feeling this is not your situation though and you need to get help for it or talk to your husband about your true feelings.

I would just like to point out that going to see a therapist is not a crutch. It does not mean you are broken. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or a weak person or a crazy person.

you going to see a therapist is healthy and it is the responsible adult thing to do.

as I mentioned I used to see a therapist for anger management and depression. I put it off for many years because I thought that was what crazy people did and after going I realized how helpful it was for me and how much I actually look forward to having a safe place to explain myself and just get all the feelings and thoughts out.

Our society has deemed you are unworthy or misfit if you need it. But you aren't. One in four people suffer with clinical depression. That's 25% of the population. 25% isn't a tiny amount. I promise you are aren't weird. You aren't broken. And you aren't weak.

You can do this.

Thanks everyone

We talked about if I can't have kids for valid reasons like I'm infertile or he is and he said in that case it's understandable. He just won't be accepting if I decide to not get pregnant because I'm afraid.

As for declining the surrogate or adoption ideas, he perfers biological kids. Also it costs way to much to do all of that and we don't have that money but I figured we could save. Lol I don't know ...I know deep down if I don't go through with pregnancy and live my life I will regret it. Just the thoughts won't stop and it's freaking me out.

I did go to a therapist for awhile but stopped because of work, i started new job. Most specialist offices around where I live are like 8am-4pm, typical specialist hours. I work in a doctors office as well and my schedule is 7:45-5 most days. So it doesn't work and I know I can't keep asking to take days off because I know therapist usually want you in 2-3 times a week.

I don't know about all of that. My therapist was one day a week for 45 minutes, and in the beginning I saw her on Saturdays. Then she moved her office, and I saw her after work during the week.

Go on your lunch break. Find one after hours. No more excuses.

I tried walking away to be selfless but I can't I really want all of this and a family. I know hes trying to be a stronger person for me , I told him couple years ago never to let me give in to my fears so I guess he's trying to snap me out of it. It's just hard though , I hope we can get through this

If you commit to going to a psychologist and a psychiatrist, ASAP, you will give the relationship the best chance of making it.

You are making excuses to not seek treatment. You are making excuses to continue to allow fear and anxiety and possibly worse run your life.

You NEED to seek therapy, and you NEED to be 100% honest with them about the fears, premonitions, "seeing numbers/messages" in things, etc.

It worries me deeply that you are reacting to these alarming behaviors so calmly and are content to continue living with them. It is not a healthy or normal response. You NEED a therapist, and yes, they will likely want to see you at least weekly or every other week. You need to make time for it. Now. Not later. Postpone and seek help.

I only saw my therapist once a month because that's all our schedules allowed, but it still helped. I think you should make it a priority, especially with marriage so close and your fiancé's stance on this.

And there should be at least a few with weekend and evening availability, as others have said. Once you have the first meeting you can tell the therapist your concerns about meeting him/her and they will hopefully be able to work with you.

Yeah, that's a bunch of bull. Sorry for the bluntness, but a therapist is NOT going to ask to see you 2-3 times a week. I see mine once a month at the very least, twice if I'm in a rough patch.

And even if they DID want to see you more often than that, what's the problem? Seriously. Like MNA said, what you've posted about your phobia and your reaction it is concerning. You need help. Your relationship needs help. Doing what you're doing is not doing anything to treat your phobia or resolve the problem.

Call a therapist's office. Talk to them. Stop making excuses.

ETA: Details, Clarity

The last therapist I went too , yes he did want to see me twice a week. It's not bull.

When I was in my WORST place, I saw a therapist twice a month. At other times, I've gone monthly since I work ten hour shifts and I do have to take time off to see someone.

Ok well that was the last therapist. Have you even TRIED to research therapists in your area and ask them about their schedule???

Again, as I edited in, what's the problem? You need to make time for therapy; he wouldn't recommend twice a week unless he thought it would be beneficial. As MNA said, doing what you're presently doing isn't going to help the problem. You're avoiding addressing the issue and your FH isn't taking the best approach with this. What you have is a valid phobia and phobias aren't always something that can be handled with the "be brave and try" approach.

Do you really want to take that advice and be terrified for 8-9 months about dying?

Phobias can be very debilitating. I've seen a documentary where a woman had a fear of spiders so bad that she cleaned her house non-stop. Wore gloves and boots in her house; you can't even imagine how she bundled herself to go outside to avoid coming into contact with a spider. Even in the middle of summer.

That's no way to live your life. A therapist is going to have better tools to help you work through this.

ETA: ^^^I agree with what @Sarah posted. A therapist may say twice a week, but they're going to understand if that's not always possible. They're more willing to work with you than you think.

Also, coming from someone who struggles with OCD, seeing "hidden messages" in day to day situations is all too familiar. And I will tell you- they won't just go away. Not without help or medication, usually both. Don't let him make you feel like your fears aren't rational. It's because he doesn't get it. I have gone through my whole life with people telling me to just "get over it," which caused a cycle of me just hiding everything because I felt stupid and then feeling worse about the fears. Other people that don't have these fears won't understand. Really, a therapist is going to be your absolute best bet here.

And, OP, if it seems I'm being aggressive, it's because I know how you feel. I don't have a fear of pregnancy, but I've been living with PTSD since I was 14 years old. I was the victim of a pedophile up until his arrest and I'm a rape + sexual assault survivor.

I still struggle hugging older men, even my father or step-father, both of whom have been in my life since I was born. I used to avoid windows; I'd have every curtain pulled in the house and still avoid them because my first abuser once told me he always tried looking for my bedroom window. It took me a while to warm up to being physically intimate with my FH after being violated the way I was and sometimes I still struggle with that. I also get uncomfortable being alone in public when they're men nearby.

I see my therapist because I know it isn't a way to live. I know that my trauma is the reason I have issues. Thankfully, with the help of my therapist, my parents, and my FH, I've been making great strides. I don't ever think I'll be normal again, but I have strategies to try and combat the jumble my mind gets into when I'm having flashbacks or an anxiety attack.

Again, call a therapist. It doesn't have to be the one you saw previously; you can seek second opinions. They will work with your schedule. I think it'll truly help you learn strategies to combat your phobia. I'm speaking from personal experience.

Thanks everyone ! I appreciate all the advice it's very comforting too. I know maybe I got to look for therapist out of my town. Got to be someone that has better hours. Oh and I did try Zoloft but I kept freaking out about possible side effects and could not relax and I think I had a bad side effect so I stopped taking it as per doctor. I only took it for like 4 days. I was doing research about medicinal Marijuana ( i never did drugs in my life but thought maybe this medicinal stuff be different) and how there are strains that do not have THC. Has anyone used medicinal Marijuana for anxiety / depression? Are there dangerous side effects like zoloft? I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor about it but just want other people's opinions. I just don't want anything that I'll have to be weened off and has side effects from long term use or just dangerous side effects.