sorry to ask again...many guests who didn't bring a gift/card?

Are you serious??? I would never in my life go to an event and not take a gift. I have never heard of someone saying if you go to a bridal shower you don't have to bring a wedding gift either. First off you are planning this event forever. You are generally spending more than the gift on each plate of food. You are asking them to witness your day. if a guest says yes the gift is part of the package!!! Same with the bridal shower. I am sorry but how rude and selfish could someone be to just come and get a free meal, drink away and party it up and not bring a gift. Then the comments about properly hosting. HaHa. What did people leave the gift in the car and decide if they liked the meal they would go out and get it. Sorry. But no one should ever go to a wedding and not bring a gift!!!

A shower shouldn't matter. If you go to both, you bring gifts to both events.

Can I ask a question here...

One of my fears is that someone will send a gift and it will get lost in the mail and I'll never know/receive it. Do you send thank you cards to every guest or just the guests who bought gifts? I know this may be a dumb question but I'm assuming every guest should get a thank you card even just saying thanks for attending?

@Sweetapples- if you didn't have showers then that is really surprising. I have definitely shown up to a wedding without a gift but it's because I spent a lot on the shower gift. I've never not given a gift at all. Maybe they just don't know any better or times are changing.

We had about 30% not bring gifts.or card. The ones who did went overwhelmingly above and beyond.

Just try not to think of it.

We do know that two of our cards were stolen as they were found opened on the bathroom floor.

@Vanessa that's a good question. In my mind, the reception is the thank you for attending. I am not sure I'll send thank you notes to any guests who may attend but not bring a gift. That just seems awkward to me. I already thanked them with free food and booze.

It would be awful though, if a gift did get lost, and we never sent a thank you because it was never received. Although with a check, you'd know if it was cashed. So if I mailed a check as a wedding gift, and it was never cashed, I'd probably reach out to the couple to ask them if they received it.

I don't think this is normal. My FSIL said that everyone (out of 130 people) brought a gift or card to her wedding.

@Vanessa, apparently from the other threads that i've read, the reception is a thank you in itself so if they didnt bring a gift, you don't have to send a thank you letter!

@erin wood, that's why we were pretty surprised! usually i've given gifts at showers and weddings both if i was invited/attending haha

Thankfully all of our registries had some type of purchase report or thank you manager, so we were able to check that and know that we aren't missing undelivered gifts from anyone!

@sweetapples17 - we did receive several gifts after the wedding though, so you'll probably have a few more trickle in!

Im always late to weddings bc I'm running into a drug store to pick up a card and hit an ATM on the way. I think it's very rude to not give a gift. I'm very surprised in the number you mentioned.

@sweetapples17 what is your background? The reason I ask is I am Caribbean and gift giving at weddings is not a thing. They are not trying to be rude but weddings today are very different than what they are used to. It is not everyone but some feel if you can have a wedding you don't need a gift.

EDIT: That mentality can exist within any culture, this is just what I observed. And once again this is not a broad statement. I know many people that are exception to this rule, like my parents and their friends.

I have never not brought a gift to a wedding, and even if I gave a gift at the shower I gave more at the wedding. Even when I was financially in the worst position I've ever been in, I brought a card with what money I could afford to give (and lord help me I STILL feel guilty for not giving more).

I'm with @Lyla on this one. I'd side-eye some people.

@Kristin D, I can only speak for myself, but when I asked about poor hosting...I personally would still bring a gift no matter what. But it could be at least an explanation for why people might *think* it isn't required.

@Keisha - add me and my family to that exception. FH's too.

My mother's side of the family is West Indian, and no one in our family has ever attended a wedding without giving a gift. My grandmother always said you don't show up empty handed.

@Vanessa - you send a thank you card for those who gave you a gift. Yes, the thank you to those who didn't bring a gift is the reception, but remember you're also thanking them during table visits.

I know some people send a thank you to everyone, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. Others feel as though it's throwing low-key shade like, "yea I know you didn't bring us a gift, but here's a thank you card anyway."

Not gonna lie - there are a few couples I'm side-eyeing: the 5 couples who attended the wedding and didn't get us anything, whose OOT weddings we've attended in the last 1-2 years and bought them a really nice gift.

@WWLynnie, I don't blame you haha! So just to get your opinion, if you were to attend their wedding lets say in a few months from now, what would you do? We are really okay with not getting gifts at our wedding but we're not sure how to give at their weddings now in return. We don't want to be rude but also not particularly excited about getting them expensive gifts either haha

@Gymrat I know a lot of West Indians that give at weddings and I know a lot that will not but bring 5 people. Giving at weddings is more prevalent in some cultures than others. My mom is the same way, you don't go emptied handed. I would never show up for dinner without bringing a bottle of wine or asking if anything is needed. At my cousins wedding a family of five gave him $25 and they took food home. And I do not want to sound greedy but we were like wow. My mom's advice through this is, spend what you can afford do not depend on anyone to give you any gifts at the wedding, cause we have experienced the no gifts

We'll still get everyone gifts I think I'd feel too rude if I didn't! We'll just probably err closer to the $150 gift range from us as a couple than the $300 side

@Gymmie and Keisha- add our families too. They were the ones who didn't gift. Who typically don't gift for anything. I am a giver but around these parts in "certain circles" it isn't a thing.