sorry to ask again...many guests who didn't bring a gift/card?

Both our parents helped us a lot (mostly from my Dad) by giving us cash and we paid the rest with our savings. It was a formal wedding with heavy hors d'oeuvres, beer & wine, champagne fountain...etc. The venue is pretty well known to be up scale in my area.

I didn't list the registry on the invitation but it was listed on our wedding website. I included RSVP cards with stamps and on the RSVP card it said "or please RSVP at (wedding website URL)."

Was that rude to include the registries on our theknot.com website maybe?

I don't think you sound gift grabby - it's pretty rude to not give a wedding gift at all imo. Were there lower priced gifts on your registry, in case your guests couldn't afford much?

I thought it was strange too because some of these friends, I've gone to their weddings and made sure to bring gifts/gift cards/cash in a card because I thought it was a huge no-no to show up empty handed.

Once again, in case I come off gift grabby...I really was just curious if this was normal or not haha!

I always take a gift too- if I can't go, I mail one- maybe the collective age of the group? How many are married or have been exposed to weddings? Maybe you happen to have a large group who aren't familiar with this particular social norm?

Thank you Christine!! I know this is a sensitive yet overly discussed topic so I was a little afraid to ask other brides hahah. Lots of lower priced gifts were still left on our registry when I last checked

That does seems like a low percentage, but I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

The first couple of weddings I went to with my FH were for his friends and family. I don't think he really knew he was supposed to give a gift and I didn't realize he didn't bring anything until it was too late. I think these were his first few weddings without his parents in attendance or not being invited with his parents, so I think he was pretty oblivious to the gift giving procedures that usually go along with weddings.

I would be pretty shocked at this too only because I always bring a gift to weddings! I'd feel weird if I didn't get the couple something. I don't think you sound gift grabby- I'd be pretty taken back by this too.

I would say about half of them are already married and these friends and I have gone to several weddings to celebrate mutual friends together before.

I don't think you sound gift grabby at all also. I think the average person would pause if 50% of guests didn't give gifts

I didn't have anyone not bring at least a card. That seems odd. Check the venue, were cards put somewhere else? I did not receive 1 physical gift at the wedding. It was all money or gifts shipped before or after but they all still brought cards and most included a note their gift was being delivered when we arrived home, was at my parents, etc.

I agree that seems like a low gift rate.. Hmmm. Very odd. I've never gone to a wedding or shower without a gift or card/cash.

I will weigh in as a guest....I have not been to a lot of weddings. The weddings I have attended have been for people who have everything they need, did not register and are financially well to do.

They did not expect gifts and certainly did not expect to get money. They just wanted guests to enjoy their celebrations.

Maybe people ordered things to be shipped to you and they are delayed? Although I would still probably bring a card. It is definitely not the norm, and hopefully it wasn't that most of these people brought cards with cash/check/gift cards and there was some sort of theft. Unfortunately that does happen.

It's not rude at all to have the registry info on the website and would be against etiquette to put it on the invite. So you did it totally right I would say in my area the norm is a lot lower than it seems to be elsewhere with people typically only giving about $50 (sometimes even $20) but it seems pretty rude to me to give nothing at all.

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words and advice! most gifts were from our older guests so maybe our friends who are in their mid-late 20s just forgot haha i just wanted to see if this has happened to anyone else!

If it is the younger crowd then it's a little more possible that they ordered online and had it shipped. If they're procrastinators like me then they may have even not ordered it until the same weekend

I'll tell you something funny about a conversation that took place during my food tasting last night.

So FH's Aunt started talking to us about her son's wedding next year, and "her" guest list. She had asked my Mom if she gave me a list of friends to invite (my mother didn't).

Anyway, FH's Aunt said she has a list of 100 people and we laughed because it's such a high number! She said, "look. I've been to a lot of their kids events throughout the years, and have always given a monetary gift. So now it's their turn to return the favor. If I just let my son invite just his friends, he won't receive anything!" OMG - we were dying!

So you mentioning the friends in their mid to late 20s reminded me of that conversation last night. lol and smh

Sorry but wedding gifts are NOT optional. Guests are required to do 2 etiquette-related things: bring a gift (can even be a $5.00 thing or a card with well wishes) and don't wear white. Hosts have 1000. If we're going to shame brides who don't meet their 1000 etiquette obligations, we also should shame guests who don't meet one of two.

I'd wait to see if their gifts are just in the mail and on the way. But if you never get a gift from them, I probably WOULD hold it against them TBH. Not because I wanted a gift, but because it demonstrates that they are rude and didn't think you were worth five minutes of effort. Like how hard is it to get a $2 card at the store and write a few lines, ya know? What kind of person—regardless of age—doesn't know to do at least that?

The high number of people makes me think that your registry has a problem though. Also, did you have a locked/contained card box? Even if you trust all your guests, people working the event could have taken stuff.

LauraR, that is true haha! I usually wait til the last minute and panic that I didn't buy a gift...so I end up giving cash almost every time hahah

We had a pretty low number too actually. A lot of the church friends we invited are from the south so they follow the "you bring a gift to the shower not to the wedding" tradition.It's not really the norm where I live and I always bring something to both but I don't really care. They were very generous at the shower! We had a few people who didn't bring a card or gift at all though which I did think was strange. I'm not trying to sound gift grabby either but I just found it strange as I always have brought at least something even when I was in college and had no money. A couple of them did mail us a gift after the wedding though! So maybe some of your people are doing that?

After those things we probably had around 6 or 7 people/couples who didn't bring or send anything. Oh well!! Doesn't really matter! I was glad they were there and that's all that counts! It's just something you don't really realize until you have your own wedding.