Save the Date, No Invite?

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Just because someone is telling you what you want to hear, doesn't make it right. Not inviting her would be rude and wrong. Not inviting him would be rude and wrong. If you don't invite them, you are the wrong one here, even if it makes you happy.

Honestly if you aren’t going to invite her boyfriend, who won’t be “new” by your wedding, you may as well not invite her, because she isn’t going to think you’re a friend anyway when you judge her relationship and tell her she can’t bring him.

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That's 100% not true. Because some people believe it is ok to be rude to people and treat them badly. That's why there are others there who can hopefully encourage them to be better than that. I've read the original post and it doesn't like the friend is a bad person at all. It sounds like the OP is reaching for reasons not to include her. If that's the road she goes, then no one can stop it but the OP should own the fact that she is wrong in this situation. The woman arrived, ate food and spent time with her date. That in no way makes her a frenemy or cow. She didn't talk smack about the OP or try to sabotage the event.

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It's hysterical how you keep sweating me. Bye, Felicia!

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Yes, but her happiness is all that counts. She owes no one anything.

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That's also 100% not true. Bride or not, her feelings are not the only ones that matter. A wedding is one day. We should all care about how our actions affect each other.

View Quoted Comment Agreed agreed agreed!

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Honestly! You would think the woman showed up at the party and tried to cause a scene or turn people against the bride. All she did was eat, spend time with her boyfriend and leave.

View Quoted Comment So I’m not allowed to change my mind? Just because I once wanted them there and now don’t? It happens. I’m having a local wedding and only family has been invited from out of town, so no one should need hotels. If they choose to do all that, it’s on them. They are fully aware of where our relationship is at and I wouldn’t expect them to expect to be invited still.

Regardless, it’s my wedding. And if I don’t want them there, then they shouldn’t be. End of discussion.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this, if you don't care about offending her by not inviting her SO, why even invite her? You asked what you should do because deep down you know what you wanted to do was wrong. If I were you, I didn't care about offending her or our mutual friends, and absolutely couldn't afford to invite them both, I would just not invite either of them. If you care at all about etiquette, you should be inviting both. It doesn't matter if someone did the same (rude, improper) thing to you.
If you are seeking validation in the future, I would suggest asking your friends and family their opinions on these topics, not an internet community. There have also been past posts on similar topics, so you could try that if you have questions in the future and think you might get upset by the answers.

Unless you want to lose that friendship then she gets an invite. How would you feel if you make plans to attend a wedding by taking time off from work only to not get an invite? It's rude to do that.

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They would expect to be invited because you told them they're invited. That was literally the point of sending them a save the date, to tell them they're invited and that you'll follow up with details later.

Like I said, if you're set on rescinding that invitation, then that's your choice to make, but you absolutely need to tell them. You don't invite someone to something and then not tell them that they're no longer invited. Just get it over with so that they know to stop planning around your wedding and can accept any other invitations that fall on the same date. It's common courtesy and it's honestly not that hard.

I would send her a invite and Just invite her and make that clear on the envelope. Don’t give her an option for a plus one. Also if she responds back with a plus one send her a text call email saying I’m sorry we can’t include your plus one we only want our close friends and family. I feel the rule is if they aren’t living with them or engaged or been together for a long time they shouldn’t be invited? Hope this helps

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You are allowed to change your mind. No one is holding you hostage. However, that doesn't mean you aren't being rude. If you tell someone to save a date for an event and then don't invite them, you are being rude.

View Quoted Comment As I already explained, they are fully aware they are not being invited.

View Quoted Comment I disagree. I have reasons for not inviting them and they know they’re not being invited; therefore, I don’t feel as if I’m being rude.

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You don't have to feel rude to be rude.

View Quoted Comment It is when a party was being thrown by someone else and the invite was sent before she was even dating him. It's beyond rude to basically force the host to pay for an extra person that wasn't in the picture when the invites for the engagement party were sent out. She could've easily pulled the bride aside at the engagement party to say "hey I have a bf now do you have room for me to bring a plus one?" It's honestly just common courtesy. Would you demand to bring a brand new guy with you to a party you were invited to as a single woman? I sure the hell would never. I would go alone and ask if he can come to the wedding and if they said no I'd still go with no hard feelings because I'm a grown up and it's just common sense.

View Quoted Comment Well what I think is rude is this:

i had a bridesmaid whose husband was my fiancé’s best man. The four of us went on a trip together back in September for a weekend. I got us an awesome discounted rate at a hotel (because I work for Marriott). We decided to split gas, the hotel, and parking for the weekend evenly. When we checked out, the bill was cheaper than expected. I told my fiancé that we owed the other couple $20. Well my bridesmaid reached out to me ACCUSING my fiancé and I of trying to cheap them out of money. I explained to her that was not the case and I would bring her the money that weekend. Additionally I let her know that the way she addressed the situation hurt me. So she texted my fiancé and said “your girl’s about to lose a bridesmaid.” I reached out to her to tell her that if she didn’t want to be in my wedding she didn’t have to and we agreed to part ways.

Then our “mutual friends” stopped inviting my fiancé and I to party’s and get togethers. Last month, my fiancé’s best man texted my fiancé and dropped out of the wedding with no explanation other than that he was “overwhelmed.”

I think that’s rude. So I reached out to all 4 couples to explain that that they would not be invited to the wedding because my fiancé and I no longer felt their friendship or presence at our wedding was beneficial to us. So if you think I’m being rude, that’s fine. Just know I have my reasons for being so.

View Quoted Comment Ugh. I write this whole thing out and it got erased. It came down to talking to people who are supposed to be your friends and trying to find out what is going on. Not even the best man, but those other couples. Instead of jumping right into univiting people, why not try to save the friendships?

In addition, you have to see there is a difference between your situation and not inviting someone because they supposedly are too much at an engagement party.