Save the Date, No Invite?

It would be extremely rude not to send her an invitation at this point.

There were probably one or two people on my Save-the-Date list that now, thinking back on this, I could have seriously done without. I have to send out invitations in April and at this point, it's too late to turn back. I say, it would be the right thing to do by sending her an invite. It'll be perceived as rude if you don't, unfortunately.

If you sent her an STD she needs to have an invite. It'd be pretty rude to let her know "Hey, I'm going to send you an invitation so save our date, don't make any plans!" Then she never get an invite. If you're okay totally throwing the friendship in the trash forever, don't send her an invitation, but it'll still be really awkward.. If you don't think she cares about you she'll probably RSVP no.

Unless she has done something extremely rude like trying to convince your FH to cheat, you still need to send an invite.

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This was my thought as well. Thank you, TheRealJJ!

Do you have any advice for ensuring she doesn't assume she can't just bring her boyfriend (if they are still together) to the wedding if we don't have the space for singles to have a plus 1? I was trying to avoid the awkward conversation, but I realize it might be necessary... or home boy isn't going to have a place to sit.

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It makes me feel good I'm not the only person who has done this! I'm with you... I appreciate the opinion, because that's what I was assuming I needed to do!

I’m in a similar situation - I was really close with a girl I planned on inviting and essentially it came down to the fact that we drifted and don’t talk anymore; she cared more about how she would look at the wedding, the free food, and basically thought of it as a vacation weekend etc. We recently saw each other after many months of not talking due to different schedules and she pretty much ignored me. I came to the conclusion that I’m not going to invite her - yes, that might be burning bridges, but at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding, and you’ll be the one paying for it. You deserve to be surrounded by people who’ll be there for the right reasons

Everyone is going to tell you here that once you send a STD, you must send an invitation.

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Unfortunately since she is in a relationship her boyfriend should be invited as well.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately they are a package deal. She isn't single if she has a boyfriend and it would be rude to not invite the two of them. It really really stinks but you should do the right thing and invite them as a pair. Crossing my fingers that she declines for you!

Yeah. I'm sorry. I think you need to invite her by etiquette standards. It's partially why I am probably waiting closer to the 5 month mark to send out my STDs

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VERY smart, take it from me!

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But she isn't single if she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend needs to be invited as well.

Just suck it up and invite her with her boyfriend. It’s one less thing you need to be concerned about.

Your friend and her boyfriend, no matter how new, are a social unit. Social units get invited together.

Have the conversation. Let her know that at the time when you made the guest list you didn't know she had a boyfriend. Now your guest list is full and there physically isn't any room for him. He can come if he wants but he will have to eat standing up in the corner like he did at the engagement party. Hopefully she understands.

Or, if the death of the friendship sounds like an okay thing, don't send an invite. She has the save the date now so she could just show up anyway...

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I'd still only send STDs to your VIPs. We didn't send them to any of our friends, just the family.

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This is what we did too. All of our family are also out of state, but I think family only for STDs is a good way to go.

If she does accept the invite to the wedding she'll probably just stand in the corner and hide, you wont even notice her.

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She's not single. He's not a plus one. They are a couple and a social unit. If she knows the wedding etiquette, she also knows its very rude for you to exclude him. Especially since she made a point to get invited to your shower as a couple, solidifying their social unit-ness.

I think although you have to make some tough decisions here (or decisions you don't want to make), your experience is a good place for others to learn some important lessons:

1. Save the Dates to VIPs ONLY

2. Account for the fact that some of your friends who are single when you make your guest list may become a couple by the time your wedding invites go out. Budget that into your guest list count if you aren't giving single people plus ones.

Well it was rude to not include her boyfriend on the engagement party invite, and it would be rude to not send a wedding invite if you've already sent her a save the date. I'm also assuming you weren't planning to include the boyfriend on the wedding invitation, given that you said you thought she'd hang out with another girl there, which is also very rude. So, basically this is rude all around. If you've already sent her a save the date, she needs to get a wedding invite that includes her boyfriend, by name. She's not single. She has a boyfriend and has stated that clearly.