Save the Date, No Invite?

It's not a plus one if she has a boyfriend. Sorry, but you are stuck inviting both of them. Unless you want to come off super rude.

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I'm with you here! In that circumstance your S/O would obviously be invited by my beliefs. I don't believe in the "no ring", but I think it depends on the relationship to the bride and groom, etc. when the relationship has begun post list being made. It just seems to make sense to make the call situationally is what I think I've learned.

This all goes without saying I absolutely respect your opinion and appreciate your input!

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How the hell is this chick a frenemy? They're just not close anymore.

Yea.... as many said, it would be terrible not to invite her. But I do understanding the feeling of feeling obligated to invite someone that you could do without.

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I laughed at loud at that too! If my wedding was literally only $30/person I'd be inviting anyone I've ever met & telling them that they could bring whoever they wanted haha. I live in the land of $150+/person and I'm still making sure that our guest list reflects each of our single friends being able to bring a plus one or SO if they have one by the time the wedding rolls around. It's called responsible planning & how to avoid an, "Oh, S***" moment when you find yourself in this situation...instead of being like OP who is literally freaking out over the possibility of 1 extra person on her guest list.

I dont care if people talk...if I'm paying for you at my wedding then you better at least talk to me.
We didnt even do save the dates.
Just did early invites.

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YES, totally! Gosh, if ONLY I only had to pay $30/person. At this point, $150/person is cheap!

If you didn’t invite her boyfriend one to your engagement party, then I can see why she’s upset but you still have to send her AND her boyfriend an invite....
its rude not to include them.

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Go to the dictionary and look up passive-aggressive. That's why she's a frenemy.

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LOL mmmmmm no, it's actually a very dated way of thinking. I was with my H for over 6 years before he proposed, so the no-ring, no-bring rule would've been very hurtful if one of us was invited to a wedding without the other. And what about couples that never want to get married? They can't bring their SOs?

View Quoted Comment On the invitation you can write how many seats you have saved for her party. You can write we have saved 1 seat for you at the wedding and then she should get the hint that her bf will not have room and he’s not invited.

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Lmao this is so overdramatic.

If there's no room for her to bring him and you didn't even know she was dating someone then she should know he's not invited. My wedding is in August and I made it clear to everyone we are inviting that we don't have room for any plus ones. We can only have 50 people total at the wedding and our wedding party has 13 so we are extremely limited. Everyone thinks it's rude but I think her showing up to your engagement party with an uninvited guest then hiding in the corner stuffing their faces before ducking out early was beyond rude and disrespectful.

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Thank you, Kelli, for making me feel so much less crazy.

Yassssss!

Did anyone ever think maybe she was sitting in a corner because she wanted to show up to support you, but she felt uncomfortable in the situation? And "eating all the food"...really?! Is that not what it's for?? Is she only allowed a small portion because you're iffy on how much you actually like her?

Oh my goodness. Alyssa, it’s your wedding. I personally understand where you are coming from. You’re trying to figure things out. I’m in the same boat, planning a wedding and trying to make other people happy as well as yourself. Of course this girls boyfriend wasn’t invited to the engagement because you didn’t know he existed. As for STDs, it would be more polite to invite them both to avoid unnecessary drama. If it’s absolutely impossible to add him then you should communicate it to her in a polite and respectful way that you unfortunately don’t have the means to provide for another person.


I will say that my F was invited to a wedding recently and was not allowed to bring me as a plus one. I was personally offended, however I did know the couple.

I am absolutely shook by the amount of people calling you rude on here. And I am impressed by your polite responses. You put your question out here for opinions as you were unsure what to do. Keep up your positive outlook and attitude 💕

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Carol, thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much I needed it! I was pretty hurt by a lot of these responses... silly, I know!

I was pretty certain I needed to invite her (as stated in my original post) despite her lackluster behavior beforehand. It was my FH/MOB who wanted to just nix her. I knew it was wrong, and I think I needed the validation that I couldn't do that. As for the sudden new boyfriend, I didn't think I needed to add him in when I don't know him, am having a numbers crisis, and am not as close with her anymore. And despite the pretty brutal responses, I don't think I've changed my mind here. It's my wedding, and who spends $200 on the new beau of a friend who isn't really acting like a friend?

I've been not included in a wedding invitation as a fiancé, too, and I was also a little offended. But I didn't know the couple, so I didn't really blame them. At the end of the day, it's about the bride and groom, not about the guests, right? The line has to be drawn somewhere, and not everyone is going to be 100% happy with all decisions made. But as the bride, I think I need to make a point to keep myself and my groom happy!

I am VERY appreciative of your positive post, Carol. You just made my day. Thank you!

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Wow it's like you think the world is out to get you. Check your perspective. You may have issues with some of your "friends", but that's not what's going on here. You're really projecting. OP and her friend just grew apart. There's no drama or frenemies going on.

Eh maybe I'm a little different but I feel that if the friendship is lost then it's lost. I don't think it's rude. Rude is her showing up with somebody knowing they weren't invited and not asking if it was okay first. Why invite somebody who isn't genuinely somebody that you feel wants to be there. I would pass lol. She will be okay lol

I agree that he should be invited but look at it this way, you’ll probably be so busy with other guests and your new hubby that you won’t miss spending time with her when she’s too into her boyfriend. Good luck