Save the Date, No Invite?

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My mistake. You said that you didn't owe anyone being uninvited an explanation and that you didn't expect them to think they were still invited. To me that suggested you hadn't told them, otherwise it wouldn't be about expecting to be invited, it would be knowing they weren't invited. I can't find where you explained earlier that you'd told them. Anyway, I was specifically responding to you stating you didn't owe them an explanation, as they were definitely owed an explanation as to why they didn't receive an invitation (that explanation being because you were rescinding their invitation). Which you have, as should anyone else currently planning on destroying their relationships with their friends by rudely uninviting them.

Definitely could have been clearer, but at least your ex-friends know that their relationship with you is over

View Quoted Comment Chris, I have explained that the issue wasn’t the behavior at the engagement party — it was the entire situation, and one I didn’t think was worth entirely spilling out on a Weddingwire advice forum.

The true issue was that my FH wanted to nix her altogether (never my plan), and I didn’t think I needed to suddenly include her new beau in our already finalized guest list, especially when she couldn’t have an adult conversation with me about it on top of her behavior that was less than friend like when she brought someone uninvited to a formal party without asking anyone. I’ve “tried” a lot in this friendship, and instead of cutting ties (and seemingly being “rude”), I thought I would be the bigger person and still invite her. I realize you feel that now she has a boyfriend I should amend my guest list and shell out extra money for him, and I’m grateful you took the time to give your input. I realize I shouldn’t have invited her now, so the lesson has been learned.

I have received your message that you think I’m rude, and that is completely fine. That’s what I get for posting here. Let’s save the arguing for something more worthwhile and all take a dose of positivity.

Again, thanks for your opinion. I’ve heard you loud and clear — I think many have!

She didn’t just show up with someone uninvited. She rsvp’d for him and her. Rude on her part yes? But not inviting him was rude. And it’s good if more people see that this is rude so hopefully they won’t make the same mistake you have.

If you’re worried about numbers, you can always put on the invitation no plus ones unless they’ve been given explicit permission. It’s expensive to cover wedding costs for an additional person you weren’t expecting, and I don’t think it’s rude to not have to invite someone’s SO to your wedding that you don’t know. If she comes, great! If her SO not being able to come is a deal breaker, then probably best she isn’t there anyway. Best of luck!

Isn't it rude to continuously call people rude? It doesn't follow etiquette, that's what could be said. WW is riddled with comments about being rude, which is in fact, rude. OP, do whatever suits you and your FH needs/desires. Someone is always going to think you're 'rude', so make yourself happy. People that really truly care about you, would not behave in the manner you described above. That's not a true caring friend.

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Thank you!

I would just talk to her about it- let her know that you wish her boyfriend could come but you made a rule about plus ones and it would be unfair to make an exception for her. Send the invite and the ball is in her court. Maybe if her boyfriend isn't allowed she might decline anyways.

Okay, so for all the people saying every boyfriend is a significant other and requires a plus one.... it's cool if I bring my tinder date? I mean I know we haven't actually met yet but I'll be dating him the day of the wedding so he must be my significant other and deserving of a seat...

Honestly, we followed what most of our friends have done and picked a set time. Anyone dating before that got invited, anyone who started dating after was deemed to recently acquired and was not. So long as you are uniform I don't see what the big deal is.

View Quoted Comment We have budgeted to give everyone a plus one/significant other except his teenage brothers because it would probably give them more anxiety to try and find a date (they are 13 and 15). We look at it this way. We cannot spend every moment with every single person we have invited, and we would like them to have someone by their side who can spend all that time with them. I also have never understood the concept that people should be expected to come to a couple-centric event alone. I would recommend trying to fit dates of guests (be they plus ones or part of the social unit that includes the person you know/invite) into your budget.

I could care less if someone brings a date they have been dating for three weeks - that is their call. I want them to be comfortable at my wedding.

I’m in somewhat of th same boat.. I have a tri ne who I was very good friends wiTh- and we’ve talked about the wedding here and there but I haven’t saw her in well over a year .. when the time came to send my save th dates I opted to only send them to people I knew I was going to invite 100%.. as for plus 1s- I am only giving people plus 1s who have a significant other at the time the invitations go out .. so if you’re not with someone 2 months before my wedding then sorry they’re not invited.. there are also other ways to go about it- for ex. My friend only gave plus 1s to people who have been together over a year or couples who were married/engaged. I’ve also heard of some people enforcing the NO RING NO BRING rule, which is self explanatory I think ..

Yeah, you need to invite her and her boyfriend. Sucks you'll have someone there you don't really want there. But maybe she'll do the same thing she did at the engagement dinner...stay in the corner and out of your way.

I would still invite her, and put on there that there is only one RVSP for her, no plus one

I would send her an invite. If she really doesn't care, she won't come to the wedding. No harm, no foul.

My daughter-in-law chose to cut her wedding list AFTER mailing out the STD cards and never bothered to tell us. It has been over 5 years and we are still experiencing the repercussions of it. All of the family and friends she cut were on our side. We paid for ALL our guests plus the flowers, photographer/videographer, DJ, & an elaborate Rehearsal Dinner for all the wedding attendees. So expense was never the issue. We have no clue why she would do this. We have spent the past five years making up excuses to friends who have asked us, so as not to throw her under the bus, even though her actions were unconscionable and just plain mean. There was no excuse. Her actions caused us great grief and we have lost friendships over it. She has never apologized. This was a true bridge-burner. She is from the East and basically believes in her heart and soul that anyone west of the Mississippi are basically peons and disposable. She barely knew us when she married our son. I will carry this heartache to my grave.