Save the Date, No Invite?

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This is why you need flexibility with your guest list and shouldn't send one to every person. The fact that you weren't aware of her relationship when you created the guest list isn't a factor. They have been together since your engagement party and attended together. She isn't single and he isn't a plus one. They are a social unit and should be invited together.

When you created an initial guest list is of no consequence - people's relationships status change all the time. Also from personal experience its definitely something people remember when you fail to invite SOs that you have met. I went to a friends wedding about two years ago where the bride had met FH, and we had been together for over a year. She sent me an invite and did not include him. He is still upset about it to the point he wanted to invite her without her husband. I talked him out of it - but its definitely something we remember to this day about how inconsiderate it was.

View Quoted Comment 100% this! H and I are no longer friends with an old friend because they chose to judge the seriousness of our relationship when writing their guest list. The groom was one of H’s best friends and I wasn’t invited because we didn’t live together. The groom knew this was because H was still getting to know my daughter. All his other friends had their SOs invited because they lived together. We got married before all but one of those couples.

View Quoted Comment Re read the original post about her behavior at the engagement party.

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I'm sorry but eating provided food and leaving early are not HORRID behaviors.

It’s a packaged deal. You have to include the plus one unless you really don’t care if she remains a friend. I can’t stand my work friends BF, but they are a couple so he’s invited too.

My opinion may be one that is not highly recommended and would be seen as rude. But I have someone who I used to be best friends with and we've had our ups and downs over the years, we met in 1st grade. I asked had sent her and STD but due to life and recent things I no longer plan to invite her to the wedding. Yes I know I will be throwing away the friendship and i am a horrible person for no longer inviting her but it's how I feel is the best. If you have no problem possibly losing this girl as a friend then I see no harm in not inviting her. It's your wedding day and you want to be surround by those who make you happy.

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You say tomato, I saw miserably, rude cow.

I'm sorry but sending her an STD and inviting her to your engagement party BOTH obligate you to invite her to your wedding. It would be horribly rude not to. And your wedding is more than 5 months away. Her boyfriend will not be "new" by the time of your wedding. You need to invite him. They are a social unit.

On my rsvp cards I put each guests name. So, there was no confusion on who was invited. Not everyone received a plus one. There were still some that asked and I simply told them that if I was able to accommodate their plus one I would let know as soon as I can. Everyone was ok with that and it is my wedding and I’m paying. I have an original guest list of 180. Family gets first privileges. I don’t want pictures with people and their plus one they’ve been talking to this week or that month.

I would invite her, her SO and just be done with it. You'll be so busy and will be pulled in so many different directions on your wedding day that even if they do come you might not even notice them

I’m a firm believer of if I don’t want you there, you’re not invited. I have a couple people on my guest list that got save-the-dates that I’ve decided I will not be sending invites too. It’s my wedding and it’s not about anyone but me and my fiancé. So if your fiancé is okay with you not inviting her, I say don’t invite her. And you don’t owe her or anyone else an explanation.

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Why send them a STD if you don't care about them? This is so rude and you absolutely owe them an explanation.

A STD tells someone that they're be invited so that they can keep the date clear and make arrangements so that they'll be able to attend. If I get sent a STD, I sort out time off work, book a hotel, organise travel and maybe buy a new dress. I've been told that I'm invited, so I will book early while things are cheaper and more available rather than wait until the last minute after invitations come out. If you didn't then send me an invitation, I would be out of pocket and contacting you assuming it got lost in the mail. Even if I'm not travelling, I'm still going to turn down any other events that day under the assumption that I will be attending your wedding.

If you're determined not to invite these people and are okay with destroying those relationships, that's your choice, but you need to let them know ASAP. Don't waste their time and money assuming they're coming to an event that you have no intention of inviting them to.

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Wow. I wonder how many of your friends are forced to walk on eggshells around you if that makes someone a miserably, rude cow.

I would tell her you’re having to cut back on numbers and won’t be able to invite her to the wedding. Then, she isn’t keeping that date open on your calendar. She’ll probably be really mad at you, but it doesn’t sound like that friendship is something worth saving anyway

View Quoted Comment Weddings are expensive. The bride shouldn’t HAVE auto invite someone just because she has been dating another guest for a while. Why would a bride spend $30 on a guest who might get broken up with and out of the bride’s life? I get that people can also get divorced, but a ring is more of a commitment than just dating.

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I had the foresight not to send STDs to frenemies, which is what this chick sounds like. I only invited people who were cool so this won’t be an issue. But the truth is you can disagree with me but the original poster knows she should lose this person and that’s why she’s asking. She doesn’t want to be a “bad” person but she has no requirement to follow etiquette. Life is short. If she doesn’t want here there, don’t have her there. Just know that she may not talk to you anymore. If you stand by your beliefs, you will always be ok.

As far as etiquette, it's said she gets an invite. And although not many will agree with me, and please don't start attacking my comment, but maybe you should evaluate if you even care about offending her, and go from there with your decision.

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Lol at "wedding", "$30" and "expensive" being used in the same paragraph. THIRTY DOLLARS?!! I'm DYING.

Also, 10000% always invite significant others. I can't even believe that there's people out there rude enough not too. Unreal.

If I received a save the date I would be wondering if my invite got lost in the mail. It's basically an invite without all of the formal details. It would be really rude to invite her to an engagement party and send a save the date and then not invite her to the wedding.

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This! Even our single friends we are expecting to bring either a significant other if they have one when the wedding comes or a friend. It's pretty rude to say you can't bring anyone.