Rehearsal Dinner- "Dutch treat" - read the entire situation before you judge me!

Heather, if that's what will work for you, do it. I have attended 2 rehearsal dinners where we paid for our own and no one was offended.

Here's what I would do. I wouldn't even call it a rehearsal dinner. Have JUST the people that are in the wedding go to the venue to rehearse at 3:00. Then that part's done and over with.

Then let people know "we'll be going here for dinner Friday evening if you'd care to join us". It doesn't have anything to do with the rehearsal just a little get together.

Hi Heather. I just read all the comments before making my own statement. I agree that there's no requirement to host a rehearsal dinner. :-) Do you feel obligated? If there's no way to pay for part of it, then it really in unrealistic to expect others to attend and spend their own money. If it's by your hotel, I would maybe suggest you getting some sort of takeout and having everyone BYO drinks...

I'm having mine at a casual ice cream shop; just sandwiches and ice cream. Keep it simple...no need to make it fancy...

I know you asked about wording and that's tricky because you have to realize your own expectations of people. I know that if I were invited to a dinner with an invitation I would "expect" that I am going as a guest...not paying my own way. However, if I were asked if I wanted to join them, I would know I'm paying. I hope that's helpful. :-)

I don't see anything wrong with this so long as everyone is warned well in advanced that they will have to pay. Then they can opt whether or not to attend. One of the biggest problems with rehearsal dinners is the guest list adds up quickly. What do you do with all the relatives that come into town a day early and then get offended that they are being left behind. I had originally planned on having 12 people at my rehearsal dinner and now suddenly I have over 30 people who expect to attend. My MIL has generously offered to pay, but I think I will ask her to only cover the actual bridal party and the parents/grandparents. Anyone else is welcome, but they must first let us know in advance and be willing to cover their meal.

My fh was in his friends wedding 2 years back and they had the rehearsal dinner at a pizza place.. When we got their we were told we would have to pay for our own pizza.. I thought it was weird but no big deal.,My sister was in a wedding where she had to pay for her meal also for the rehearsal dinner..I think the thing that bothered them was that they didn't know they had to pay till they got there..Like the others ladies said, it's a thank you. If you can't afford a fancy restaurant just do something simple, like pizza or something done at your place.. We are taking our bridal party to a sports bar ( wild buffalo wings) for rehearsal.. We want it to be casual and fun.. Plus they are going to help us decorate some stuff outside of venue, so we have to thank them for all the help..We are paying for our own wedding too so we just asked only the bridal party to attend to help keep cost down.

If you're inviting, you're hosting and if you're hosting, you're paying. Transitive property = if you're inviting people than you're paying.

Welp, if you don't see anything wrong with it and you aren't going to even consider the advice that's been given here, I don't understand why you asked the question.

If you're just looking for people to blindly agree with whatever opinions you have, an internet forum isn't the place to be.

@amanda, the person who said they didn't see anything wrong with it is not the same person as the original poster.

Lol Lynzey, It's like you ladies are born knowing these things... I have never heard most of these terms before.. guess the internet isn't always right!

Oh crap, you're right Mrs V. Those ring avatars get me every time. The advice still stands, though.

FTR, I have no issue with this at all. I think a lot of etiquette rules are severely out dated.

Heather, only you know if your group of friends/family would find this rude. Personally my circle of friends/family would not. We all have no issues paying for our own meals or even paying at cash bars. Hell even if I did have this and pay for it, my friends would not allow it. My friends actually tried to convince us NOT to have an open bar. ( we decided to have full open bar all night anyways )

The more threads I read on here, the more I love my friends and family. Seriously.

LOL! Awesome parents Lynzey!! HAHA! X-D

@Mrs V, I think the issue is less having people pay for their own meal and more of sending an INVITATION to spend their own money at a restaurant they didn't choose.

The very simple solution to this has been stated many times -- don't send a formal invitation. That's it. And then you don't even risk offending someone AND you save money on another set of invitations that aren't necessary.

I have been to a few different types. I have been to the $5 a pizza and drinks at a house whee people come and go (total fun and i think she spend $100 for 60 ppl) I have been to the stuffy up scale restaurant (STUFFY and sucked with kids and having to keep them happy and quite and find SOMETHING for them to eat) and I have been to the "dutch" dinner...they had it at a local eatery that was special to them and we ordered what we wanted and it was just basically the WP and a few close friends and we as the WP all threw in a few extra bucks for the bride and groom (think we all paid $20 and the food per person was like $12-$18 aprox) The "dutch" was more so the people could pick what they wanted and not be forced to eat what was ordered and that is how it was put to us. The bride said the rehersal dinner was a "The Hut" where she and FH went on there first date and the food was good and was a good price and who ever wants to join can she stated she made it affordable for everyone

IMO, I still wouldn't mind receiving an invite saying that. I guess its just how things are done in my circle.

To me an invite doesn't always mean hosted. I've gotten invites for a potluck. Whats the difference? I'm not totally eating for free.

Like I said, I'm grateful to have the friends/family I have. I also wouldn't imagine making any of them pay for their own food anyways, hence why I am doing a full open bar. ( which is not common in my area. )

I will be paying for the rehearsal dinner, and the majority of my friends and family will be fighting us on that. I am just lucky and blessed I guess.

( not saying others with a different opinion are sucky or have sucky friends..lol..just making that clear )