Rehearsal Dinner- "Dutch treat" - read the entire situation before you judge me!

I don't think it's a big deal. People pay for themselves to go out to dinner all the time.

Choose a reasonably priced restaurant

Don't make it mandatory for people to attend

Let me think about the wording for a minute.

JOHN and Heather will be celebrating with a pre-wedding dinner at BEST RESTAURANT EVER at 7:00pm on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 18. If you would like to join them, meals range in price from $10-$30. Dessert will be provided.

(I think you have to offer something up as a thank you, hence the dessert line)

I think I'd invite them to the rehearsal and have all that info included and as a note at the bottom or on a separate, smaller sheet of paper have the "rehearsal dinner" text above.

Btw, if you could afford to do pizza and pop and host, I'd go that route before I'd tell people to pay for their own meals, but that wasn't the question.

If you cannot afford to host people, don't invite them. There is no requirement to even have a rehearsal dinner (or invite a bunch of people.) We had a rehearsal lunch at a pizzeria for about 20 people. It was probably about $300.

I really don't know that there's a way to word an invitation to pay for your own dinner at a restaurant someone else chose. If I were a guest to receive a "dutch treat" invitation, I'd just go eat wherever I wanted rather than what you chose. Not to mention, I wouldn't be stumbling to the hotel because I'd be unlikely to spend that much drinking, either.

This is honest advice. Not sure if you'll consider it kind, but it is at least honest advice and will hopefully save you trouble down the line.

Also, it's one thing to say "After the rehearsal, we'll be at that restaurant eating if you'd like to join." I think that's a better way to go than to INVITE people formally. Perhaps that would solve your issue.

I don't think a rehearsal dinner should be a dutch treat. It isn't a requirement to have and when you do have it, one of the purposes of it is a thank you to the people involved in the wedding.

If you can't afford a big fancy rehearsal dinner at a restaurant, you can do something casual. Like Reenski suggested, it could be a bunch of pizzas. For my brother's wedding, they invites everyone back to their house and had stuff like pulled pork and meatball sandwiches. Nothing fancy.

I'd personally try to avoid doing something which asks your bridal party/guests to pay. Do something casual that you can afford or just skip it.

I agree with Reenski and Lynzey that if you do choose to do this at the restaurant, you're better off wording it as an optional invite.

I agree with Reenski's second post and Lynzey's post. Formally inviting people always implies treating, so it would serve you better to keep it casual.

Also, I would avoid using the term "Dutch Treat". Some of your younger guests may not know what it means.

If you are not paying for a Rehearsal Dinner, my opinion is, do not have one. It is not mandatory.

If you feel the need to do something, why not order a few pizzas and have a party in your hotel room?

If you cannot pay for it, don't do it.

I've seen several people do the rehearsal dinner in their backyard. I think that would be fun, casual, and I would think could be an inexpensive option.

I wouldn't do it.

Even though some of us aren't "answering the question," we are attempting to assist the OP avoid a situation where she could possibly offend her guests or have them thinking "Free food!" and that's not the case. I find that's just as helpful as strictly answering the question.

Invitation wording isn't an issue if you have someone causing a scene because they have to buy their own dinner.

For the record, I didn't edit my post to add the "not the question" line. That was typed while the rest of you were also typing. I edited to add the "invitation" wording.

Like I said, I wouldnt personally doing what Heather's doing, but to each their own.

Ok- so for our tiny backyard that is a disaster, we just bought a home and renovations are going slow- because of the wedding, so a back yard BBQ isn't an option, Especially since we're doing BBQ at the wedding. The rehearsal is at 3:00p and knowing everyone in the family, if we don't do a rehearsal dinner everyone will get together and go out to eat anyways- more than likely at the hotel within walking distance.... Why is it so awful to turn what would happen anyways into a rehearsal dinner? Beer, wings, pizza for 30 people adds up quickly. I do not understand why tradition and ettiquite is such a big deal. How is it rude to have someone buy dinner when they'd be doing it anyways?

Also, both of our entire families are from out of town, so hosting at a families house is not an option either. And asking a friend to borrow their back yard seems inappropriate as well.

Because you invited them. By inviting people, you make yourself the host. As the host, you provide for your guests.

If everyone in the family is going out to dinner, it's just dinner that has nothing to do with the wedding. But if you make yourself the host, then yeah, you should provide in some way. That's why we suggest not having formal invitations that puts you in that position.

Just have a rehearsal and then go with the flow, no invitations necessary. It's better than chancing someone being upset or thinking ill of you for not paying.

You could have the rehearsal and hope that someone says, "hey let's all go out for wings and a beer" and jump on the bandwagon.

What the heck is a dutch treat? Is it like a dutch oven..

If my family or closest friends get that bent out of shape over dinner then we have bigger problems.

I looked it up and it is a tastey kind of marijuana according to the internef. Just what kind of.party is this?

Dutch treat - each person pays for his or her self.

Then do what you want. We're pointing out that it's not the best idea to formally invite people to spend their own money. Like I said, if I were formally invited to spend my own money at a restaurant not of my choosing (or possibly of my liking), I wouldn't.

I suggest you invite informally, by simply saying "We're going to eat across the street if anyone would like to join us." Or with Paris' wording.

At the end, you'll do what you want to do. We've given honest advice, given you some different points to consider and you do with that information what you will.