Rehearsal Dinner- "Dutch treat" - read the entire situation before you judge me!

That's it? Huh. Wonder why they call it that. I think the best advice so far is those who say make it optional. It sounds like your family will all.come anyway, like you said they will probably.go out either way.

@bee--- what kind of party is this?! ;-) bahahahahahah

You do need to let people know, because my FSIL was invited to one and was never told she had to pay for the dinner, it was a "to appreciate you we wanted to invite you" and she was lucky she had cash on her to pay for it.

Bee j I thought the same thing when I read the headline. I thought I was in for an amazing story so I opened the thread LMAO!!

I would second the idea of just having a rehearsal and skipping a formal meal. Do you need to go out to eat? Have the rehearsal in between meals. What exactly are you hoping to get out of eating dinner? Socializing time? Or is it a traditions thing?

Personally i don't see a problem with it, but again I'm one who is paying for my whole wedding as well. And if our package didn't include the rehearsal dimner i would have everyone Dutch it. But i wouldn't spend the money on special invites either. Just get the word out to your BP and OOT guest, I went to a beach wedding last year and everyone met up afterwards and had to pay their own.. No one complained,

I wouldn't invite people to an event where they pay for themselves. While it's truly cool that you (and a vast majority of couples) are paying for their weddings themselves, it's a perfect reason to really consider how you'll spend your dollars.

If you are going to have a rehearsal, you should do something simple for your attendants; most of my couples don't even do them. Then you can pass the word around that you'll be informally hanging out at a certain place and see who shows up.

What I'm doing for my rehearsal dinner is ordering pizza or getting finger foods...because I'm on a tight budget and I don't want people to pay out of pocket when they're already doing so much...

Try to do something light or see if people can bring their own dishes of foods and make it a cocktail party...on the rehearsal dinner you ask for everyone to bring their favorite dish

I think your main problem is the conflicting opinion of your MOH who has told you that you NEED a formal invite. Nobody is judging you and I hope you realize the girls here on WW are much more understanding & have kinder responses than youd get from other boards. It seems that you want the invite so you can make sure people know you're not paying, but generally the use if an invitation implies that u are paying. This is why it's best that you inform people by word of mouth & again after the rehearsal that they r welcome to join you. Sorry if that doesn't seem too helpful, but it's all I got.

Since typically the rehearsal dinner is hosted some of your family and friends may have an issue with having to pay their own way. You may not hear the complaints but I am sure there will be some. To be honest, I wouldn't complain however I would think it was odd to be invited to the rehearsal dinner and told that I have to pay for myself.

Since this is the way you have decided to hold your rehearsal dinner I agree with the other ladies when they say do not issue formal invites. Use word of mouth to spread the news where you will be eating and avoid using the term rehearsal dinner. If someone asks you where you are holding the rehearsal dinner I recommend responding "Oh, we aren't having a traditional rehearsal dinner. FH and I are going to eat at _________ and you are more than welcome to join us if you don't have any other plans."

I am having this same problem also. My parents can't afford to pay for the rehearsal dinner, and we really need to have one because the wedding party will all be coming out of different doors and what not. Originally the plan was to pay for it ourselves, but our budget just won't allow it since we're paying for everything else wedding related. So then we we're going to split the bill half and half with my parents...but they really can't afford that either. So now we're kinda stuck. My last option is to suck it up and have it at lunchtime. Maybe 1 or 2, and then attempt to treat people to lunchtime rehearsal. I will keep a watch to see how this works for you and what I might do for mine...which is also on the same day as yours. Good Luck!!

Is it ok to have a rehearsal dinner but not pay for alcohol? That would cut down on the cost alot.

I agree, getting the word out informally is probably your best bet. Invitations imply that you are hosting. Word of mouth would be a good option, as others have said. Or how about an email to your OOT folks mentioning something like "after the rehearsal, some of us are going to restaurant XYZ. It's not an official hosted event, but we'd love for you to join us if you'd like to grab a bite". Maybe something like that would get the idea across?

Have you considered limiting the rehearsal dinner to your parents and wedding party and providing something like wings, pizza, bbq...using your home or a friend's home?

If you are going to do it that way, I do suggest letting people know. I wouldn't want to get there and not have cash or any way to pay for a meal I thought would be provided for me.

Worst experience ever... I went to a WEDDING a few weeks ago and had to pay $60 for myself and my fiance for dinner AT THE WEDDING!

Am I the only person on the planet this doesn't bother? LOL

Here is what we are doing... we are renting our venue Friday as well (this ensures we will have it Friday at 9 am to begin decorating.. if we were to rent Saturday only we would not be able to get into the venue until 12 noon and that does not work for me). They have a lounge area that is separate from where we are having our reception. We are able to bring in whatever food and drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic) we want for our guests that Friday only. So we can have it as fancy or as casual as we want. The venue coordinator let me know that many couples do something simple such as order pizza or make tacos for their rehearsal dinner or they have something fancy catered in. Is this an option for you? I know you said earlier that you are not comfortable asking a friend to host the dinner at their place but would you be able to do something like this at the hotel you said everyone would be staying at? I can't imagine ordering pizzas/ subs etc would be too terribly expensive..

Ashley I am doing the same thing!

Your MOH is wrong, plain and simple. If you're not paying for their dinner, then you aren't hosting them, and therefore there's no event to even invite them to. Like others have said here, get the word out that you'll be eating at ____ restaurant, and that the wedding party/dates/OOT guests are welcome to join you if they'd like.

The reason you (or your parents, or whoever) typically pays for the rehearsal dinner is to say "thank you" for being in the wedding, traveling, supporting the couple in some way, etc. By the time a rehearsal dinner rolls around, your nearest and dearest have likely spent tons of their precious time and hundreds if not thousands of dollars on your wedding. If this is not the case for you, by all means don't host a rehearsal dinner. But don't print up invitations asking your guests to pay their own way at a restaurant they didn't choose.

I think that if you figure that everyone will end up going to a restaurant afterwards, then really that is the way to go.... or even talk about it AT the rehearsal... "what does everyone have planned for supper? Maybe we could go grab a bite at XYZ together...." In the end, that ends up with the same result without people being required to go and there is no assumption that you are paying....

I would expect that if I recieved a formal invite to a dinner, that I wasn't paying....

I have the same problem with being invited to a restaurant to celebrate someone's birthday and then being expected to basically pay my own way to a hosted party.

For my 2 cents, if you're going to ask people to work an evening (which is essentially what a rehearsal is, work), then there should be some reward....