Refusing to RSVP

Ask FH to tell him that you'd both love to see him and his gf there, but that your venue and caterer will be unable to accommodate anyone who is not on the final count, which is due [1-2 weeks out?]. If he does not accept your invitation for both of them ahead of time, you're sorry, but he will not be able to come.

If you don't mind my saying so, that's pretty ballsy. He should be able to know within a week or 2 of the event whether he can afford to get there, and the idea that he shouldn't have to RSVP is ridiculous!

Part of me says if you can't be bothered to RSVP then I can't be bothered to feed you. Most caters include a few extra dishes, so you could exclude them from the count and they would just bill you for the extras should there be any (remember, others might RSVP and then not come). As for the veggie dish, if they were that worried about it, they would have RSVPd. This also works better if you have extra seats vs "I have 80 people who said yes, I'll have 80 chairs".

As for the alcohol, depending on your venue, they might be asked to leave by the venue due to alcohol licenses and such.

Beyond that, your fiancé's cousin is just being rude, but you knew that already.

First you need to have him tell you guys 'yes' or 'no'! I've gone bridezilla on my guests as a lot of people have somewhat told me the same thing. If I spend money on stamps to sned you the invitation and included a stamp foryou to send it back, I expect to get it back in the mail. If I don't have a RSVP, I'm taking it as a 'NO' and saving myself some money. Yes, I will be creating a list for my coordinator and if they aren't on it they don't get to come to the reception. There is no "crashing of the party"!

IMO

He's rude ...

Send him an email letting him know that the venue will be unable to accommodate any guests that are unable to accept our invitation by (your date). If you don't hear from them the venue will assume you are not attending therefore will not be reserving any seats or tables. Also let him know that the venue prohibits 'crashing' of weddings and he will not be let in. (regardless of whether or not that's true).

I would assume that he was going - if he's a no-show see if the venue can wrap up their food for you or a family memeber to take home.

I am right there with you. My wedding is one week from tomorrow and two households worth of FH's family haven't given us a solid yes or no. That is NINE guests... almost $1000.00 worth of food and drink costs! They say they are trying to come. Grr... Fortunately, my venue has been very accomodating and said that they will set up an extra table and charge us the day of if they show.

A lot of places won't let people in for free just 'cause they're not eating. Make it seem like it's the venue's fault that you need to know (even though he's being completely unreasonable, you don't want to start a fight over it). Let him know that if he can't let you know by such and such date that while he's welcome to the ceremony, there unfortunately won't be room for him at the reception. (I mean heck, it's not like they'll have a chair or a place setting or anything for him and seriously, you could probably get in trouble if you're trying to let people in for free... no one wants that!) Our place wouldn't allow outside food/liquor either.

As far as saving a spot if he refuses to RSVP... I think it depends on your budget... if you can afford it, save a spot for him, especially if he's the only one pulling this sh*t.

Just read Kimi's... we apparently on are on the same wavelength today.

I'd just politely explain the differences between, "kegger" and "wedding." "The venue requires an accurate headcount, so unfortunately unless you RSVP by (x), we will be unable to accommodate you at the wedding."

Wow, what is he two? So sorry you have to deal with such nonsense regarding your special day. I would mark them as a no and have someone else deal with him on your special day should he show. Like the venues manager, with a heads up.

Hello. free meal! Gas can't be that much..good luck getting a present from him lol. Ya I agree with the others, inform him politely that this will NOT be happening..so what's he gonna do, be chugging from his flask and dancing by himself on the dance floor while other people eat wondering who the heck is that dude? um no. lol.

That is total crap. With that being said... check with your venue. Our venue actually told us people have a tendency to "show up" and they always make at least 4 addtional meals for those circumstances. The venue might do that for you as well. If your venue does do that, I would mark him as a no via rsvp. It's not that difficult to make a decision. Some people just do not understand how important RSVPing is! If your venue does NOT offer, I would still mark him as a no. It's either yes or no, not I will decide THAT day. Be an adult! Good luck.

Wow, rude! With each new post on WW, I am getting more and more nervous about sending out my invites.

If they refuse to RSVP, inform them that their RSVP is no. This is a wedding, not a frat party. You need a final headcount, and they are being flat out rude. You'll see them at the next family function that doesn't require an RSVP.

Thanks so much to all of you! Ya'll have helped me more then you know. Like so many of you has said, our venue doesn't allow outside food or drinks period. Your also right on about the fact that some people just think of a reception as some party you can throw together and we all know that not true. I think i will be counting him as a "no" and we'll go from there. We paid our day of coordinator good money to deal with this. LOL Thanks again and have a great weekend!

"Hello COUSIN, Our venue needs the final accurate headcount so there are enough tables and chairs. Anyone that shows up that hasn't RSVP'd or RSVP'd No won't be on the guest list and seating chart and there for, won't be let in. So we need to know if you're attending or not. I should also tell you that the venue doesn't allow outside alcohol or food brought in and they will take actions to remove anyone bringing their own, as it is a big liability issue"

Totally rude. Uninvite them and have a wonderful day.

I'd be honest and tell him that you'll be charged no matter what just for him being there and that if he does not RSVP then he is not welcome at the reception.. He's obviously taking this personal when he shouldn't be.

Very very rude.....like the world revolves around him. No RSVP, no attendance, sorry! And heck no, do not order a "special dish" for him and his GF!