Please DO NOT HAVE A WEDDiNG Reception and invite more than you can afford...

I agree with Mrs. Tattoo. they should have narrowed down a budget and figured how many people they could afford to invite while making sure everyone had a good time. FH and i were ready to get married a long ass time ago, but we waiting until we could afford the wedding we wanted.

Sami-I don't get what you are trying to say to me. When I say people need to think about who they are inviting, I meant that they shouldn't feel like they need to invite every single person they've met over the last 10 years when they don't have the budget to entertain every single person they've met for the last 10 years. I would love to invite all of my coworkers, former coworkers, distance friends, etc. but my budget wouldn't allow it.

So I'm not understanding about guests remembering the wedding....

Very well said, Sami B!

I don't think that Phylissann meant she was expecting a five course meal but that there was no meal, no food at all. This was poor planning at the highest level. It seems like it was an inconsideration on many levels. Weddings do run late but never an hour. This is where a planner would have come in handy. I agree if you do not have the money to at least make all your guests have a good time and feel welcomed and wanted then find a way to cut your list or spend less in a different area. It is just not fair to your guests to spend money on frivolous things like a high end venue but no food.

That is exactly what I mean. Thank you FancyLady

NotFroofy and I had a ceremony and luncheon in one high cost area, and then an at-home reception in a different high cost area, all for under $10,000. We made do with dresses and veils from a consignment store, our at-home reception venue was decidedly low end, and we skipped engagement rings and a honeymoon. However, we made sure there was plenty of food and drink for everyone. The problems with the wedding described by the OP were bad priorities, not the budget.

I agree with pretty much all of the points made here. Almost all of my guests will be traveling a significant distance to come to my wedding, so my biggest fear is that my reception won't live up to their expectations. Not that they expect anything crazy, but I want them to eat well, and have fun. Food is my #1 priority(ok, maybe #2 if you count the church).

I disagree with anyone that says that the wedding is YOUR day so don't worry about what the guests want or expect. Sure, it is more significant to you than them, but YOU asked them to be a part of it and you should thank them by making it enjoyable for them.

I went to a very nice VERY low budget wedding once. There were probably 20-40 people attending and when we arrived we helped the couple and the other guests set things up. The whole group of us were carrying in crockpots and dishes, etc. the only thing I regret about that wedding was smelling all of that delicious food cooking during the ceremony and waiting to eat.

I'm not sure why people are getting so bent out of shape over this post....I dont think what Phyllisann was trying to do was "bash" this wedding. We all come onto these boards for advice about planning...whether it be things to do or things to avoid- and this is a perfect case of things to avoid.

I would never want a guest of mine to leave my wedding feeling as if I invited them just for a gift or to be a seat holder. I want everyone to have a good time. Yes, the wedding is about me and my FH- but if guests are traveling to celebrate this day with us, whether it be from 5 minutes away or 5 hours- I want them to feel as if I want them there and care.

I dont think it is about not being served a 5 course gourmet meal. It's about not being fed the right amount. No one is saying there is anything wrong with serving Chicken for dinner at a wedding. I have been to plenty of weddings where that has been the entree course- the difference is, there was enough food for people to feel full.

I would of left, IMO. You do have to be considerate of your guest. phylissan wasn't even properly fed and if you want to have people celebrating with you, you HAVE to make them comfortable. I am having two meats, 2 sides, a salad and a bar serving wine and beer. I tried not to cut corners on the reception and found elsewhere to cut corners so my guest can enjoy it.

Wow, I would have left ASAP, no way would I have waited an hour for the bride to walk down the aisle, pathetic. It's amazing how self centered some people can be. It's been said over and over and OVER again, the ceremony is for the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests.

Also, I definitely learned in this thread who's parties (not just weddings) I would never want to be caught dead attending.

@Glenn; FH wanted to leave right away. I asked him to stay out of respect for the Bride and Groom. I kept thinking I would hate it if I saw loads of guest piling out of the reception. I was wrong for doing that, because the reception got worse.

Dangit Glenn stole my comment lol...but yes, again the ceremony is the time to make it all about you, the reception is your opportunity to THANK your guests for traveling to see you, spending money on attire, gifts, hotels, etc. Its like throwing any other event or party- your guests should enjoy themselves and be glad they came. We only had a $6K budget, so we cut our guest list to our closest 40 family and friends, and gave them an open bar and served filet mignon and lobster. (DH is a chef so the food was really important to him lol) It's not about the budget, it's about the priorities.

The way I look at it, you really only have yourself to blame if the guests are leaving early.

PS I think this was a very beneficial thread Phyllisann! I wish more could just take the advice rather than get defensive.

Clare those who get defensive already know deep down that they have their priorities wrong and are trying to convince themselves that they are correct.

Lol Glenn you are seriously like the Yoda of WW.

Haha, thank you Clare, you just made my week!

LOL...Yoda with better grammar.

Seriously, no one said don't get married if you don't have money. She said don't have a wedding. It's good advice. Spend the money you have wisely. If you have a choice between having a short private ceremonyand being able to pay your rent or having a $5000 wedding and not paying rent you need to go with the rent-paying option.

All of this information was very helpful. I am in the beginning stages of planning for our wedding and trying to convince myself that I can invite all of my closest family and friends with a small budget (and high end taste). I don't remember which post (there were so many lol) that discussed how understanding our family could be however, it really made me think: There will be many opportunities for them to share memories with us (ie. our first child, anniversaries etc) so, I should be realitic with my wedding plans and honest with myself when revisiting the guest list.