People asking for plus one

I mean.... I think anyone who is in a relationship should be allowed to bring their SO regardless of relationship length. Were they dating when invitations went out? (even for a week or two?)

I moved in with my now FH after lrss than a month of dating. Its never our place to gauge the seriousness of a relationship

View Quoted Comment I think expecting your relationship of a week or two or even a few months to be invited to a wedding is absurd.

View Quoted Comment People are going to disagree but I say no it it's not mean. I am not inviting anyone I don't know personally and like.

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Even a few months??? I was moved in with my husband after about 4 months, so we were very serious already at that point and discussing marriage. I think it's rude to exclude someone's significant other just because you don't deem their relationship to be serious enough to warrant an invite.

I'm surprised people ASKED for a plus one. I don't think you're rude at all! Just because you didn't give them a plus one doesn't mean you don't recognize their relationship, and there's no way you could possibly be up to date with everyone's love life, especially if it's a relatively new relationship.

Stay strong girl!

Fair warning, you are going to get A LOT of crap from people on this site for not inviting people’s short-term SOs!

In my opinion, you aren’t doing anything wrong. We are doing NO plus ones, and people’s SOs will be invited if they are married, engaged, live together, or have been dating for over a year. That’s not saying people who are in shorter term relationships are “not serious,” but you have to draw the line somewhere! People can part with their new SOs for a few hours, and it has nothing to do with you determining the seriousness of their relationship, just needing to keep your guest list down and choosing to make cuts at people’s very new SOs rather than other guests that are actually close to YOU. This isn’t about them and their new bf/gf, it’s about celebrating you and your FS.

If they were as serious as quickly as pps are saying they were in their relationships (living together after a month or engaged after 4 months) THEN they should be invited because they fit into the “married, engaged, living together, or together for 1+ years” rule.

In British weddings actually, the rule is “no ring, no bring” (SO only gets invited if you’re MARRIED). The whole “plus one” thing is bizarre to me in general. Why would someone (as a plus one) want to attend one of the most intimate moments of someone else’s lives, if you barely know those people??

Like I said you’re going to get a lot of people on this site adamantly disagreeing with you, but not giving someone a plus one for a brand new relationship is very reasonable, you are not in the wrong!

I guess for me it really depends. As you know the more people that attend the more you have to sieves. So for me it really comes down to if you can fit them in the budget. If you can't, then i would say no it's not rude

When you sent your invites were they in a relationship? If no, then no they don't need to be invited. If they were in a relationship when you sent them (no matter the length) then yes invite them.

FH and I were only dating 2 months and my brother had him IN the wedding (they didn't know each other prior either). Almost 6 years later, and here we are getting married. I agree with others, it's not your place to say how serious a relationship is. A wedding is a celebration of your love, a legal recognition that you've chosen one another...why not allow a new love to be apart of that?

While I am surprised that people actually asked, I have been invited to a wedding with no plus one before and not attended due to it since it was a couple hours away and I didn't know anyone else who was invited. I get that some people have a larger guest list and cannot accommodate a plus one for everybody, or that some people won't invite you and the person you're dating unless it is "serious"/you're engaged (this is actually common in some areas and cultures). I just personally wouldn't want to attend that wedding because I am not an extremely social person, nor would I be drinking if I went alone, nor would I want to stay in a hotel alone if the wedding was OOT.

I'm including plus ones for anyone attending my wedding who is 18 or older, including in state and out of state people. This was manageable for me and my guest list is about 120 including all of the plus ones.

View Quoted Comment Lots of people enjoy weddings so I can understand why someone would want to attend one even if they didn’t know the couple. As far as you believing you aren’t judging relationships, you are. If a couple is together 364 days they are the same, or perhaps even more serious, as a couple who has been together 366 days and yet according to your guest list only the latter counts enough to attend your wedding. My husband and I didn’t live together right away because I had a 10 month old when w met and we wanted her to have plenty of time getting to know him before we moved in. We talked about us getting married 2 months into our relationship and ended up married before all his friends who were already living together/engaged/over a year dating.

View Quoted Comment Agreed with this! Choosing not to invite a guest’s new SO has nothing to do with you determining the seriousness of their relationship, and just has to do with the fact that this brand new SO doesnt know the bride and groom, and then why should they be part of the most important day of their lives? Like I said I don’t understand why someone would even want to go to a wedding where they don’t know/barely know the couple, and why (as a couple) are you obligated to invite someone you barely know to such an intimate moment of your lives?

View Quoted Comment Yes but if you can’t afford to invite an additional guest for every single person on your list then you have to draw the line somewhere, and it’s least offensive to make an objective rule like this. Same thing as like, only inviting first and second cousins, but drawing the line there and not inviting third cousins. Doesn’t necessarily mean you value your third cousins less, you just have to draw a line somewhere or you will be inviting a whole lot of people!

We have a limited budget and limited space so we’d rather invite the people who are important to us rather than cutting out people we actually care about to leave space for peoples potential future SOs.

If you cut down your guest list to make room for everyone to potentially bring an SO, you’ll have to cut a lot of people on your list (assuming you have space limitations and/or a budget). So then you’d offend THOSE people for not inviting them. You have to make cuts somewhere, and you’re never going to make everyone happy. Personally, I’d rather make cuts that involve keeping all the guests that are important to my FH and me, and hope that my guests in new relationships will understand that.

View Quoted Comment Oh yeah this reminded me I also do agree you should give people a plus one if they will not know anyone else at the wedding. I always forget about this because I only have 2 guests who do not know anyone and they have serious SOs who will be invited anyway, but yeah I’d definitely give someone a plus one if they wouldn’t know anyone at all!

View Quoted Comment There were plenty of people we cut that probably expected to be invited (including several first cousins) to make room for all our friends’ SOs and for all our single guests to bring a plus 1. I guess it just comes down to priority. Asking my guests to celebrate my love while telling them theirs isn’t important enough for their SO to be invited seemed ridiculous to me.

I agree that if they weren't in a relationship when you sent invitations, then it's ok.

View Quoted Comment To each their own then... my priorities were different, I’d sooner cut people I don’t know than my family! I see why you feel that way, but I couldn’t bring myself to cut people who are important to me for a friend’s hypothetical date who I have never met. I’m not saying you’re wrong for doing that but I also don’t think OP is wrong for telling people “no” if it’s not in their budget, especially since it seems like these relationships did not exist when invites went out

I won’t join the debate on what’s acceptable as far as relationship length, I will however say that I find it flat out RUDE for anyone to ask for a plus one. A lot of thought goes into a guest list and if you wanted them
to have a plus one you would have included them on the original invitation. Plain and simple! So no.. you’re not mean at all.

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But by that logic that means you're denying the people the most important to you who do make the list to be able to bring their SO if they don't fit into your criteria. I would think by your logic you would actually do the opposite. Since these guests are the most important to you, you would make them feel the most special and extend more hospitality to them by allowing them to bring their SO even if they've only been dating a few months.

In any event, the line is usually drawn at the time the invitations are sent out. If they weren't dating at that time then it is not rude for the couple to decline to extend an invitation to a recently acquired plus one/SO.

View Quoted Comment I suppose it depends on the situation. For example, my FH is inviting a group of a dozen of his college friends, all who have been a tight-knit group since they were 18. If one of them has a girlfriend of a month or two at the time of the wedding, I really don’t feel like they would need to bring her in order to have a good time at a wedding with a dozen of their closest guy friends... and actually, one of them has a girlfriend now and specifically said he doesn’t want to bring her because he wants to spend the time catching up with his college friends.

I guess this isnt the case for everyone, I think I’m just in this mindset because of my guest list in particular, and that I know anyone who supposedly “could be” in a relationship by the time our invites go out would not need to bring their new SO in order to enjoy the wedding. These things definitely rely on knowing your guests in particular and how they’d feel.