Only three days left...

No I didn't because I really didn't want to go into a heated debate. But tonight everything will be laid on the table.

Good luck - let us know how it goes. I am hoping that it works out for the best!

.....I don't even know what to say here lol.

The only issue that shouldn't be closed out 3 days before a wedding is "where are we going to eat for dinner tonight?" I have no idea how guys got through pre marital counseling without a set, clear agreement on things. And I'm REALLY baffled why your pastor would still encourage you to get married.

After reading through these posts, the big thing I'm seeing is that you guys never finished this conversation and maybe didn't start a couple conversations that you need to have. I would highly suggest stepping back from getting ready for this weekend for a second, go on a date outside of the house, and talk about these things. I wouldn't immediately cancel the wedding but definitely take some time to talk.

Good luck! Sounds like you've got a stressful night ahead.

I hope it all works out for you, I really do. But I'm with Janeen. The fact that this hasn't been fully talked about yet completely baffles me.

Its baffling, I won't lie. But its an issue that must and should've been resolved a long time ago. I can only pray for the best. Hopefully that we see eye to eye on this and move forward with our lives, together.

Good luck I hope it all works out for you!

Pray? sure. But ACT as well.

I got engaged at 30 years old. Over time, I realized he wasn't the right person,but I held on. I think because it was just more comfortable. I kept putting off wedding things. This went on for a few years. Then one day something clicked and I broke it off. If you have any doubts about the person (which it kind of sounds like)--don't marry them. You may feel that you don't have time left or whatever and that you should just do it--don't. You will find the right person. I promise. The older you get, the better you'll be at making those choices too. IMO.

I think you are over-reacting about the car share thing and he is NOT required to leave his inheritance to your children. Even though you are marrying him and he should be prepared to care for your children, you shouldn't expect him to leave all his inheritance to you and your children. BUT if that is a deal breaker to YOU, that is all that matters. I am not marrying him so my opinion doesn't really count. Are those deal breakers to you? Did you sign a pre-nup? Isn't it too late to do all that?

We haven't signed one at all, but I think he did have one drawn up. Its not so much as a deal breaker for me, I just wished he would've never came to me about it. And Janeen, I am going to act. Tonight will be the night we talk everything out, and I mean all and everything.

My two cents: Him not being involved with wedding planning is normal and expected, don't take it personal. I'm with all the ladies who suggested just grabbing a glass of wine and having some time to yourself and to think tonight. Money is definitely an issue, and both of you need to be very clear about your expectations before you get married.

But honestly, I'm more worried about the children part that anything else. If his only concern is what the children will inherit, then I agree with Janine, he has a right to ask for that. But I'm not sure if this is a bigger problem though - maybe you were expecting that he'd adopt your children and treat him as his own? Have you guys discussed that part too?

I'm actually surprised that HE hasn't said anything to you about it. The wedding is in 3 days and he doesn't want to get married without it. It's strange that he hasn't brought it out or even brought it up again.

I brought up adoption, and he said that he had to think about that. I respected that. And I'm not expecting him to just sign everything over to my sons, I just wanted present and future children to be treated equally.

That's what is bothering me. He was all for it, saying that he was gonna get one drawn up and then boom nothing. My best friend and my dad said I'm reading more into this than I should. But I will know for sure tonight.

I completely understand prenups. FH and I have talked extensively about them. We ultimately decided against one because my savings now aren't really substantial enough to worry about, and neither of us have a lot of other assets. We'll address future assets in estate planning.

While I see nothing wrong with a prenup, they are usually discussed months in advance and both people have a say in the outcome, not less than 3 days in advance and not a legal document that only one person drew up. That's very, very weird. Your hesitation may be a gut reaction you shouldn't ignore.

I hope its just nerves that I'm allowing to get the best of me.

It is hard. prior to getting engaged my FH & fought all the time. My main problem was security and sacrifice. I felt I had no security in the rship and I was making all the sacrifice. But we both knew what could fix that problem I just wanted assurance and for him to show me that US was the right thing. He felt like I wasnt welling to fight for our rship. Once we got to the root of our issues we had 2 arguments in the pass 8 months (one about wedding cost, one about the house) completely different that what we use to fight about. But I started making a more conscious effort since we've been engaged to pick my battles more wisely. You really need to get to the root of problem. Why is he unattentive? It may just be nerves from getting married. Why is he afraid with the children? Dig deeper because (esp men) have a way of trying to cover up there real fears and feelings with little problems.

I dunno. I must be the weird person that completely understands why in the case of a divorce someone would not account for his step children. In the case of his death? That's different. But a will would override a pre-nup anyway.

Another things that stands out to me is that you wish that he never would have brought it up to you. That seems strange to me. I'm open for my husband to bring up anything to me because I'm confident that we will always come to terms and put the issue to rest. My first husband's mother suggested a pre-nup to him once and I was insulted, not because she was assuming that the marriage might fail, but because it was just another example of how she though "my brilliant son" and "ugh, that woman he's going to marry". My ex husband had fewer assets than me and a lot more debt, and my student loan was not transferrable to him, so her reasoning was nonsense. But the issue came up and it was definitely put to rest.