Once married...How do you deal with holidays?

See i would love to have everyone together. I had to split. My moms house with my family then my fathers hous then FMIL U honestly didn't had enough space for my aunts fav lasagna which thats my favorite time to eat for Thanksgiving from my aunt. I was upset I couldn't fit it cause of the 2 other place I went. My aunt makes delicious lasagna. That's like what my fam literally waits for. My mom and my moms sister comes together with my dads sister which is my aunt and uncle The only one that don't be around is my dad cause he dont get along with mom. So we go to my aunts house dads house and FIL. But now I dont do that anymore. We onl go thanksgiving to my moms house to spend it with my fam then the net day we go to my dads house to et turkey. That back and forth cant stand it. Then last yr we did thanksgiving in our home this yr my cousin wants to celebrate at her house. So I guess thats where we all going.

Hmm I would be extremely pissed if FH decided to spend a holiday apart so he could bow to FMIL's immaturity... or even just to spend it with her over me.

FH and I usually change it every year, one year my fam one year his, etc. But this year since we just got our house, we are having all holidays at our new house, we invited his fam and mine, who ever comes cool, who ever doesnt, cool. We are doing our own thing with our little family now. Luckily everyone has agreed to come here this year!! YEY!!!

Luckily, my FH's parents don't do anything for the holidays so we always go with my family's dinners, however my father tends to celebrate with his own family so we rotate between the whole family and his family.. I don't see why she can't keep her own Thanksgiving dinner and you and your FH can't go spend it with your family. He doesn't HAVE to go to her's and the reality is that everyone grows up sometime and leaves the nest. My opinion.

My fh and I for the last several years have been spending thanksgiving with my family and then split Christmas between the two families.This year since his parents moved to Texas we will be traveling to Texas for thanksgiving and spending Christmas with my family. I'm pretty sure things will change next year but it is all about compromise.

We compromise and switch usually each year. We always go together though...never apart.

Our first year we did Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. The next year I worked both years so he did everything with his family. this year I work on Christmas, but his family usually has something on Christmas eve as well so we might do that with his family because we are doing Thanksgiving with mine.

It sounds like you both should try to do some compromising. I've always done 2 Thanksgivings or 2 Christmases (plural? lol no idea) that way we get to see everybody and the two of us don't have to split up.

I dont see why your FH would spend the Holiday with his mom rather than you. But I also think the attitude of hoping she knows that you won't be doing 2 Thanksgivings should be re-thought. Its always about compromise and I dont see the harm of maybe spending Thanksgiving morning with her and then seeing the rest of your family in the afternoon/evening. Just a thought.

We just moved down to Florida from NJ so his family is all up in NJ. We aren't married yet, but his parents and possibly other family members are coming down for Thanksgiving and we are going up there for Christmas. I'm not sure if that's how it will be every year or not. Hopefully we can flip back and fourth every year.

My sister has this same issue. BIL's parents are divorced and both remarried so their issue is who to spend the holidays with now that they have my nephew as well. It used to be that they would stop by my parents first and then head to either FIL or MIL house then the next day they would do a thanksgiving brunch with the other side. For xmas theyy come out to our family for presents and either dinner with their MIL or FIL and then does xmas breakfast on the 25th. They just rotate through each year now.

FH and I have an issue with this each year.
Both of our families EXPECT us to be with them for the major holidays. Our house is not big enough for both families. So we have to pick.

Unfortunately, we usually spend the holidays separately. I go with my family and vice versa. But next year when we're married, we'll have to think of something else. Our families will have to deal with a new arrangement. Maybe we'll alternate or something. BUt it's always an issue and we usually end up apart. : (

I'm hoping that we can work something out!

My FH parents are divorced...so we have 4 thanksgivings to go to on one day. we literally just stay 2 hours at each place and then go home lol. and we stay on schedule. and we see everyone. that is how we have done it for the past 5 years. we do the same for xmas and easter.

Thanksgiving we usually do lunch with his family and then dinner with mine. Chistmas Eve we do at our house with my parents and moms parents. Christmas day is pretty hectic. We get up do our Christmas, head to my parents to open gifts, head to his parents to open gifts, then head to my aunts house to be with my dads side of the family. Sometimes we have to add in Christmas lunch with his family but for the most part they do their family Christmas either before or after Christmas. It's hectic, but I wouldn't change it for the world because I love being with our family!

Considering all, it had really worked out well for us the past couple years. Last year, my dad had to work on Thanksgiving so we celebrated with my family that day before Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving day, we went to his dad's house & spent it with them. For Christmas, we went to my parents on Christmas Eve & then for a couple more hours Christmas morning, then went to his dad's house for a few hours, & then to his mom's side of the family for the evening.

This year though, may be a little more difficult. His older sister just moved down closer to us [from WA to CA] & his mom just flew in from the east coast a few weeks ago to live down here for good. Although nice women, both are very stubborn [for lack of a better word] & sensitive so we shall see whose, if anybody's, feelings get hurt this year.

I kind of like how we worked out Thanksgiving last year if my family could do that again, I think we'd be set. I'll have to talk to my mom haha.

I didn't realize how lucky DH and I are. We host Thanksgiving dinner for both families (about 17 people). Each couple brings a dish to contribute...their decision not mine. I would happily cook all the dishes but they like to help.

For Christmas, we visit my parents house (where my brother lives with my niece and nephew) early in the morning to watch the babies to open their gifts. Depending on what time we get up we come home and open our own gifts afterwards. Side note: we only live 5 houses away from my parents and 5 minutes from his. His parents and grandparents go to my parents house with us for dinner. We then all migrate up to my house for dessert.

This is a HUGE day for us as it is my Dads birthday. We all celebrate together. Our families get together frequently...bbq's, random Sunday dinners, etc.

When we have children (hopefully next year both families said we can just stay home all day if we choose and they will come to us.

This is something I stress about probably more than I need to...my parents are divorced and my mom, sister, and I are extremely close. FH parents are still together and his mother does both holidays (Xmas & thanskgiving) last year we did Xmas at our house rather than hurry to both houses and I much preferred that. My FMIL had a little issue relinquishing control as she has all boys, but I think in the end she realized it was easier for her. Hopefully this trend continues this year. While it was stressful cooking, I much preferred not feeling the pressure to make it to both families. Only other possible thing would be for my parents to be ok in the same house...but that's never going to happen haha

My mother lives across the street so we go there for awhile but for the most part we have our own family "holiday" at our house for our own holiday traditions.

See this is my problem with it...especially in families that live so close to each other. I understand the holidays are a special time, but forcing the 'run around' onto a couple is not fair.

I didn't read beyond the first few posts, but here is what we do:

We both have our parents in town as well as my grandmother. For Thanksgiving last year, my parents invited his parents over. It worked well. Christmas Eve is always at my grandma's (my husband's family doesn't do anything on Christmas Eve), Christmas morning was with my parents and Christmas afternoon-evening was with my husband's family.

This year we are hosting Thanksgiving for both sides of the family. We will probably keep the same Christmas arrangements until we have children. Once we have kids we'll have to change it up a bit.

We are extremely lucky because we both get along with each other's family and our parents are incredibly flexible and understanding. Nobody tries to control the holidays and our parents enjoy each other as well

My last relationship this was a major problem I faced with my ex (probably one of the reasons he is my Ex and I am now married to DH) where my ex's Mom was the same way and would never compromise and guilt trip her son every holiday. We ended up spending the holidays split up because his family was never willing to put the shoe on the other foot, and well, I stopped giving in as I missed my family during that time. Here is some advise Ive learned through the past few years. When you and your FH get married, the two of you become A NEW FAMILY. You are one unit, not seperate, and with that comes compromise. There should be absolutely no reason the two of you are seperating and should EVER have to. Your FMIL needs to understand that the holidays are not just all about her, they are about the whole family and to stop being selfish. Your FH needs to sit her down and explain that it is hurtful and stressful on your relationship and that this argument is petty.