NOT Having an Open Bar at Our Formal Wedding... Thoughts?

Uh oh!

Can you at least do consumption?!

Whatever you do, do not swtich it up half way through the night.

Do just open beer and wine all night if you have to, but changing it after an hour (or 2 or 3) is only going to do 2 things: 1) people are going to be confused an annoyed when their beer was free the first 2 times then went up and now the bar tender want $10. 2) If people KNOW what is going to happen, people will drink way too much too fast while open bar is open, which will make for a worse chance of people being a mess.

This...

I had an open bar for cocktail hour only, one guest got shitfaced (during the open bar) and puked all over a table. I am with the unpopular opinion, don't do an open bar if you don't want to.

ETA: I chose not to do a full open bar because I think its wasteful, people tend to leave half drank glasses all over the place. I would not purchase more decor items in it's place...

I'll say this. My cousin's wedding 5 years ago did the open bar for the first 3 hours and then switched to cash bar for the last hour. I didn't mind cause all the uncles were buying us our drinks, though none of them really complained. However her father to this day still says he regrets not just throwing the extra $1000 (or whatever it was) in to have it open bar the whole time. So just be prepared to "wish you had".

I hope you're having another option besides filet mignon. I'd be pissed if I went to a wedding and the only meat option was beef (which we don't eat) and I had to pay for alcohol. Let your guests know so they can eat before coming and sneak in their own alcohol. No thanks on the photo frame and photo booth also.

ETA - Perhaps you can do a consumption bar with a limit.

First off I totally understand where you are coming from because I thought about the same thing. I've come to realize and also attending 1 wedding between engagement and planning my own that the open bar can make the difference. They did not have favors (they made a donation instead), did not have a photo booth (made people dance instead), and I opted for chicken anyways bu there was a beef option. I was very happy to see open bar because I feel you will get your monies worth with it compared to keepsakes some people wont even take or really care for. Plus you already have a photographer to take pictures, why do you need another option (Thats my argument to my bridal party when they ask too) I would opt for open bar, maybe even limited to beer and wine, but none the less open.

I started skimming so sorry if this was mentioned already- but you said you're assuming 5k for 120 people to drink 1 an hour at $10 a drink... but you said his family doesn't drink? so you really only need to assume for like... 60 people drinking?

Maybe see if you can eliminate the champagne toast and wine on the table during dinner and receive a credit towards your bar bill?

If you don't think that a lot of people are going to drink anyway then doing by consumption shouldn't cost you nearly as much as open bar. That way guests can go up to the bar at any time during the entire reception to get a drink and then you just take care of the bill at the end of the night. I understand that it is scary to be uncertain about what the bill will be but if you are certain that your guests won't drink that much or even at all then I don't think there is anything to worry about. The guests who do wish to have a drink will appreciate being able to get one at no cost to them.

Also, as much as you think people won't drink, they might! My FH's grandmother rarely ever drinks but at our engagement she ordered a vodka cranberry and everyone was surprised! People tend to have a drink or two at special occasions so it is nice to provide that to them as a thank you for sharing in your special day.

When it really comes down to it, what makes a wedding memorable is the food and drinks. I can't tell you what half of the decor looked like at past weddings or what the favor was, but I can tell you which ones had terrible/barely any food, leaving me to make a fast food run on the way home, or the ones with cash bar, leaving me either annoyed to be paying for my drinks or not having any drinks at all because I had assumed there would be an open bar and didn't bring cash (it's pretty much nonnegotiable in my family to have open bar). I personally think that the majority of the budget should be spent on the food and drinks first and then work with the remaining budget for things like flowers and decor. There are so many ways to incorporate elegant details that are more cost effective (example: candles as centerpieces instead of flowers, or centerpieces with mostly greenery). I think it's really about prioritizing and remembering that yes, this day is about you and your FH and it will be amazing to you two regardless but it is so important to take your guests into consideration when planning a wedding. It is unlike any other party you will throw in your life. It is an elevated event and it is really necessary to host it properly.

Good Luck!

Keep the frame; give me a glass of wine.

@Kate they didn't know that it was even open bar until they got there. I honestly think we would have had more casualties if we had open bar for longer.

ETA: @Nicki I wouldn't expect the bride and groom to pay for my alcoholic drinks. The majority of weddings I've gone to did not have an open bar and it was still fun. I don't need a free alcoholic beverage to have fun.

If your husband isn't budging I would do the 1 hr open bar, the wine/beer with dinner and champage toast and then dry for the rest of the night. Dry is always better than cash, then they will just assume it's something to do the venue not you guys. I've been to a wedding where they closed the bar at dinner and they opened it again after and I only saw 2-3 people get up to get more, just have you DJ announce the bar is closing and people will probably stock up lol.

I love how so many people don't bother to read the comments and instead just repeat / suggest the same thing that has been said / recommend over 100 times in this thread. Meanwhile, the OP has realized her mistake and has already contacted her venue to ask about different options.

Dry is definitely not better than cash, but I think you need to talk to your FH. Why is he being so unreasonable?

I wonder if you could do open bar for like 3 hours and then consumption bar for the last 2? That way no one is paying out of their pockets and since a lot of guests don't drink, it might be less money then the full open bar the entire time. It would be a risk that you would have to commit to though.

As a vegetarian the meal upgrade does nothing to impress me. I also forget favors at every wedding (even ones I can eat) so you'd likely end up with my decorative frame. Typically FH and I only show up with enough cash to tip the bar tender and venues rarely have atms.

We had a limited open bar (beer and wine only) and 220 people racked up about $10k on our bar bill (bar open for 7 hours. from 5-midnight). Nobody got out of hand, and my crowd clearly likes to drink. I think that trying to control your guests intake by not providing alcohol does nothing other than punish the other guests who are capable of controlling their intake. A bartender should handle those guests that cannot and cut them off.

@OP When I saw the topic of your post and started reading thru it - all I'll say is you have used the perfect approach in your responses and HIGHLY NOTABLE lack of responses! Great job maintaining control of your post! Your wedding sounds like it will be AMAZING! I can't wait for the BAM post if you make one. Congratulations!!

@Beth - I think I misworded what a keepsake frame meant... it's not a special-crafted frame, it was a stand-alone acrylic frame that would hold the photos from the photobooth for people to take home, rather than them having the pictures tossed or crinkled. They wouldn't be THAT expensive, but it does add up for $1.25 a person, plus the photo booth rental itself!

We have talked to the venue and gotten them to lower the beef upgrade to flank steak rather than filet mignon, saving us about $480. As a large portion of my FH's family doesn't eat chicken, we wanted to accommodate their meal needs.

Cash bars are making the guests pay for their own drinks at a party you are hosting. When you host a party, you should host it completely.

You could do beer and wine only to avoid the people getting wasted. Usually beer and wine are not the cause of the jerk off behaviors, that is usually the hard stuff.