NOT Having an Open Bar at Our Formal Wedding... Thoughts?

Can you look into consumption bar. Basically you pay for what your guests drink. Only issue with that is you're left with a tab at the end of the night. As you'll see cash bar is not popular here on WW. Personally I've been to a cash bar wedding and didn't mind.

Sarah, if you must have beef would you consider a different cut of meat? Flavorwise, inexpensive cuts like flank or flat iron have a lot more flavor than filet mignon, and can help you with your budget. We served grilled flat iron steak and people loved it.

Edit: Nevermind...just saw that this was already brought up. I'd still ask, if the chef can cook filet there's no reason they can't cook flank/skirt/etc.

Also, for what it's worth, we offered beef and salmon (family style; tables with vegetarians also got ratatouille) and everyone seemed really happy with that. Does depend on your crowd, but we were happy with it (our caterer's salmon is fantastic, trying to figure out how to replicate it myself).

OP- Okay great! I would def pick chicken over salmon at a wedding. FH and I were going to do an one hour open bar. We talked about it more and decided we will go with a four hour open bar instead. I've been to cash bar weddings( not knowing they were tacky) I had a good time.

Also, what about going with short ribs? If you have to serve beef?

@H - no response from the venue yet, but they're on California time, so I think she's just getting through emails at this point. I was assuming $5K for 4 hours coverage of 120 people, which is actually a low assumption if you think of 1 drink per hour at around $10 a drink for each person (there will likely be people who drink more than 1 per hour).

@Kate - I think his assumption comes from the only weddings he has attended where he has seen it happen firsthand. His best friend's wedding he was in = they covered a consumption bar for 6 hours, totaling to $15K because people went crazy and got dozens of drinks, leading to dozens completely inebriated. He mentioned one throwing up in the bathroom and another in an outside planter lol. Obviously I don't expect that with anyone we know, but I know he worries from experience, and I think that's valid.

If he's already agreed to two hours of open bar, go back through your venue's offerings and figure out if there is a way of selecting something that gets you hosted beverage options for the entire reception at a manageable cost. You mentioned your original idea was to host wine and champagne service as well as the cocktail hour. What's the cost trade off of cutting the separate wine/champagne service (which guests can get at the hosted bar) and increasing the number of open bar hours? Then, you can look at what the total cost is if you do only beer & wine for the entire event. We found when we considered all the options, we were able to end up with 5.5 hours of hosted bar for about $2800 (including tax & service fee; 100 pp). If you husband is absolutely certain a large number will choose not to drink for religious reasons, go through your guest list and subtract all those who FH says will not drink, then calculate a consumption estimate based on a generous guesstimate for drinkers. Depending on your estimates, you may come up with a total that is not as big as you are concerned it might be, and eliminating the wine/champagne service, photo booth, etc., might get you closer to your preferred total than you think. In an earlier post, you mentioned that weddings in your/FH's social circle tend to be relatively formal and high end, remind him that a cash bar isn't usually consistent with that level of formality. Good luck!

PS -- I appreciate how open-minded you've been to this discussion. On similar posts, the OP asks for input, but then isn't happy when the feedback isn't necessarily what they wanted to hear. It is a tough choice.

This just sounds confusing AF

@FutureMrsHill - Thank you for the kind feedback! Some of the blunt responses on here are disheartening when I'm obviously trying to work through my options here! We are going to ask our catering manager about short ribs, as that wasn't an option listed, but we would prefer that if it would lower the cost from $10 extra a head!

@Mrs70 - We definitely are doing a Snapchat filter! We did one for his surprise party this past year and it was a hit. May see about foregoing the photo booth, though we've already had guests and wedding party alike express excitement over the photo booth.

I did not read the comment because they are always the same when it comes to alcohol at weddings.

Yes, you should have it.

No, no one should have to pay for a drink at your wedding, beginning or end. It's confusing to the guests, annoying to the bartenders and ineffective in the cost control department.

Do an open bar; wine and beer. Or do a consumption bar (none of our venues here do this, by the way). But don't create a 'formal' wedding and then have any type of cash bar. It unravels and discredits all the 'formality' you tried to create. Because it's tacky.

Is there no way to make this happen?

I'm another one for skipping the photo booth. I would have literally ditched everything in order for us to afford alcohol for our guests. Photobooths can be fun but it's not like it's going to make or break your wedding

@OP - your FH's experience was due to a bartender who was not doing his job in cutting drunks off. Not to mention, that should have been a huge liability for the venue.

@MOB So Cal - Thank you so much for this feedback; very helpful! I've emailed and asked to hop on a call with our venue's catering manager in hopes to review our options. The champagne service for toasting and wine service for dinner were included in our package, but yes, perhaps there's some wiggle room there. Not sure since we signed the contract already, but it's worth at least asking!

And thanks for the kudos. I definitely want feedback - maybe others have an issue because some people can be a bit crude and curt in their delivery of opinion. But I try to just filter that out and look for the ground down advice :-)

Cash bars are rude- you shouldn't ask your guests to finance your wedding. If you can't swing a full bar, beer and wine is fine. (On a side note, I'd offer a meal choice to your guests as not everyone will eat filet. I actually don't like beef so if be super salty if I got to your wedding, had to pay for drinks and couldn't eat a meal. and we'd leave.)

your guests will talk about it, but maybe not to you. my boss was in a wedding this past weekend- the first thin she told me about it when I asked her about it was how she'd "never say anything to the couple" but how surprised she was that there was a cash bar and how rude she thought it was.

@Susan - there will be meal choices - Beef, chicken or salmon (still deciding but leaning towards chicken), or vegetarian.

We of course don't want to be rude to our guests, which is why I'm trying to simply figure out options here that still adhere to our budget!

Honestly, reach out to your venue and explain that a good number of your guests are Muslim and will not be drinking. See if they will give you a better price on the open bar. Our venue is letting us do that for members of our guest list that do not drink (there are only two, and they are recovering alcoholics).

Okay I'm normally a defender of limited alcohol at weddings but I'm sorry you don't get to cut the alcohol in this case for a photo booth and frame. The type of thing you're describing is what I expect at an early afternoon wedding without dinner. That's like cutting out part of dinner that you're expecting your guests to stay for. If you want that type of service have a short reception and allow guests to leave after mingling. Do hours doeurves and cake and punch and cut the length.

I think a cash bar midway through is terribly confusing and awkward. I think a cash bar in general is ruder than no alcohol personally.

I agree with Sydney, maybe see if you can explain to your venue due to religious objection not everyone will be drinking, then you can pay the open bar price on those drinking or they can lower the price per person. I would think they would want to work with you to provide alcohol.

You're actually being generous. I have been to cash bar weddings where we didn't get any liquor period. Don't be so hard on yourself you're doing the best you can love

OP Sarah, we're in so cal, with a relatively inclusive venue and contract, so we may be operating from a fairly similar cost basis. However, in our case, I think the venue's concern is that we meet the agreed to/contracted minimum. They may be a bit flexible about exactly what you include, as long as you meet (and much more likely exceed... the agreed upon minimum. (For example, if we come in under our contracted minimum 100 head count, we'll likely be able to add in additional food/beverage options to get us to the minimum dollar amount we're contracted for.) Good luck! We've found if we keep researching and asking questions, we've often been able to find creative ways or alternative vendors to help get us the total bottomline we need to maintain. (For example, we had two florist proposals where the total cost was $1000 different, for the exact same items. And, honestly, the work of the less expensive option is probably better, and more customized, than the more expensive option. So, don't give up!

@OP ah, ok. Yeah, I'd definitely go with chicken over salmon. and having had a chance to read more comments, kudos to you for your open mindedness. I would definitely see about only hosting beer and wine. It may work out to about the same price as hosting 2 hours or so of a full bar. And I agree with Kate, a good bartender should know when to cut people off, but if you're concerned definitely talk to yoyr venue about how they handle it.