NOT Having an Open Bar at Our Formal Wedding... Thoughts?

I would prefer chicken and an open bar to be honest. Extremely rude to have a cash bar.

I would take the alcohol over a keepsake frame any day!

ETA: good on you Sarah for trying to make it work!

I know I am going to get major hate for this, but please hear me out...

I think that it all depends on where you live, cash bars are very normal in my area. I have only been to one open bar in my life. Every other wedding I have been to has been a cash bar or a combo (open cocktail hour then cash bar) and to be honest I have never minded, but I also don't really drink. I was discussing this with one of my friends who is also getting married and she mentioned that she has never been to an open bar wedding.

I know people always say like "would you have a party at your house and have people bring their own drinks?" and while I get what you are saying, I wouldn't invite people over for dinner and not provide them drinks, I also have been to plenty of parties that are BYOB and it doesnt bother me one bit.

Please dont comment @ me saying my friends or family are cheap/tacky for not doing open bar because I really think that what the "normal" thing is depends on where you live.

A. L., as much as I want to, our guest list has already been cut, believe it or not lol. We both come from very big families. We cut it from 200 to 150, and are aware that a few will not be able to make it from overseas, leaving us with the expectation of around 125-130.

I cut my reception from 1am to 12am just to squeeze in an open bar. I'd rather have 1 less hour than have guest having to fork out money for their drinks. Make cuts elsewhere and have the open bar.

Uh oh, having a really hard time convincing FH about this. He's hell-bent on offering beef as an option, and says he's up for paying for another hour of drinks (totaling 2 open bar hours for a 5.5 hour night event), but that he doesn't see the issue with having others pay after the first 2-3 covered hours, especially since he doesn't want people getting drunk.

I think this may be a cultural difference? But I'm not sure. This is going to be hard to convince him why we suddenly need to up our budget by $5K lol

Sarah in all honestly if you do not have a open bar I highly doubt your reception will last 4-4.5 hours. People will get bored and leave. Also, it isn't your FH's responsibility to police others drinking. That is very rude.

If most of his family does not drink, consumption may be the way to go. I will warn you though, we went back and forth on whether to pay the open bar flat rate or do consumption. My venue was $28pp for open bar (a steal) and my family DRINKS. The tab at the end of the night was almost $6,000 (saved us $3200!).

"We decided to forego the full open bar to instead use the money towards upgrading our venue package to filet mignon entrees instead of chicken, photo booth rental & keepsake frames, & other stuff to make our day unique." Skip all the stuff, serve the chicken, do open bar. Your wedding will be unique alright, because people will say to themselves: "They sprung for a photo booth, keepsake frames but no drinking." People don't want a photobooth, they really don't want a frame, they wanna have a drink, especially at a formal wedding.

Sarah, then just go with what he wants. At the end of the day, its his wedding too. It might not be the usual thing thats done but oh well. I come from an area that cash bars are 100% normal and open bars are looked at like "Holy crap! Yes!!" which why we're having one.

What if everyone doesn't eat beef, will there be another option for them?

I agree that beef should probably be served. Can you switch to a lower-priced beef? Sirloin, NY Strip, short ribs, something like that? There are lots of cuts that aren't nearly as pricey as filet.

I would go with wine and beer all night. I personally think photo booths are not worth it as the photos just end up thrown away.

I personally would rather attend a wedding with an open bar over a wedding with a photo booth, frames, and filet mignon. I probably wouldn't be using the photo booth anyway without the open bar because I tend to frequent that after drinks

@FutureMrsHill - There will either be chicken or salmon, and vegetable options. I was thinking salmon for my pescatarian friends, but someone made a good point on here that more people will choose chicken than salmon (and my pescatarian friends can always go for the veggie option).

@BoudreauToBe - unfortunately, as I see it now, the venue only offers ONE beef option - filet mignon. I'm going to talk to my catering manager, because it would be wonderful if we could cut the cost and offer a flank steak or something of the sort instead (we did this for our engagement party with a french wine sauce and people loved it). I know my FH mentioned that his family usually eats goat, lamb, or beef, rather than chicken or fish, hence why we wanted to have at least one option for them on the menu (and our venue doesn't offer lamb or goat lol)

@Sarah - we are discussing now, he sees my need and desire to throw a wonderful wedding and accommodate guests, so we are trying to reach a compromise. Right now we are discussing a compromise with 3-4 covered open bar (or consumption) hours, and the last 1.5-2.5 hours cash bar (with the champagne toast covered, that is). It's not ideal for those who want to come and party, but it might be the best compromise to work with his desire and my desire as a meet-in-the-middle sort of thing (depending on what our venue comes back with as options, of course).

One thing we really had to keep in mind was that when it came to food and drink, it wasn't realistic to just choose all of mine and DH's favorites. It was important to make decisions with the tastes of our guests in mind. For example: we chose two different cake flavors in an effort to encompass everyone's preferences (one that was strictly chocolate and vanilla flavors and the other was fruity flavors because we we had guests who hate chocolate and guests who would not even touch the lemon cake). When we picked out our wine selections, it wasn't just about picking our favorite wines. It was about maybe having one or two wines we knew we loved and choosing four others that were very different so everyone would be able to find a wine they liked.

You have guests who appreciate drinks. It's unreasonable to expect those guests to open up their own wallets at a party hosted by you that is your thank you to your guests for them coming to witness your ceremony. In order to avoid that, it might mean compromising on the filet mignon.

If people are aware that it will convert to a cash bar later, they are more likely to over-consume during the open bar and people will get drunk faster. I went to a wedding that was open bar for the first hour or so and then converted to a cash bar. It caused a lot of confusion, and the way that you're doing it, sounds even more confusing.

Oh your day will be unique. But not for the right reasons. I'd be pissed if you didn't provide alcohol but I was chowing down on mignon and seeing all the money you spent on crap I wouldn't care about or want like frame and photo booths.

Also, a BYOB party is different than a catered wedding where you're not allowed to bring outside alcohol!

Mrs70 - I think WW even has free Snapchat filters. Are they Snapchat? Instagram? I'm too old to know what that stuff is.