NOT Having an Open Bar at Our Formal Wedding... Thoughts?

We have opted to not do a champagne toast. Instead guests will toast with whatever drink they have in front of them (which we are only doing beer, wine, sparkling, and 2 signature drinks). This cuts down on champagne as some will not drink it, as well as servers/bartenders to pour them all. Also we are not doing favors at all. We are more focused on the experience of our guests the day of, and not so worried about what little trinket they will throw away or consume later.

@Rebecca - good catch! Actually, we have about 152 in the wedding list as it is, with a portion of his immediate family not drinking (should have specified immediate, not extended :-P ). We expect some of them to be unable to come from overseas, but about 9 of them wouldn't drink. I talked with the venue and the highest drink is actually $6.75, but there are of course taxes and fees. Luckily we have until May to give them an answer re: the bar situation, so hopefully we can save up and pull here and there to make it happen.

@Terri - thank you so much! I appreciate it. I'm sure one day in the future I will laugh about even feeling the need to mull over this idea! Haha.

Just be sure to calculate your numbers correctly before you chose an option. Although my venue was expensive for everything else (food, nickle and dime decor, etc.), alcohol for full open bar was $24 per person for the whole night. That's way less than an estimate of 5-6 drinks per person at $7 per drink, and I didn't have to fret with "what would the bill be?" at the end of the night as I would with a consumption bar.

Girl you better buckle up for some REAL critical feedback.

Did you take the new consumption option then?

@Heather read the comments... she is trying to work out an open bar or consumption bar into her budget.

LOL I don't get the "cash bars are extremely rude" people... open bars are not required. Weddings are expensive enough and the bride and groom are already feeding the guests and giving them unlimited fountain drinks. Liquor is not required and if guests want to get wasted they can pay for it themselves. I don't understand how some of you think that it's rude not to provide something that is totally not a necessity.

@Asha- for most people properly hosting is a necessity, and one that includes alcohol being served. To assume people want to get wasted is juvenile. Adults like to have alcohol to drink it, not to get wasted.

Asha, making people subsidize the cost of your special day is not good hosting. If you can't afford the bar, cut the guest list. These are your guests, not your customers.

I have never attended nor served a cash bar wedding. All the weddings in my area are open bar, and I have never seen any of the behaviour mentioned. Mainly because at a wedding there are 3-4 bartenders on staff plus other waitstaff who are smart serve trained not to overserve and what to do if you suspect someone should be cut off. If I find out that there’s an inkling of a cash bar, I’ll take the cash out of your card and leave you with a lovely card.

I know you don't want to hear this, but you aren't having a formal wedding if you're having a cash bar. A formal wedding is a wedding that is luxurious and doesn't even hint at guests having to open their wallets to embellish their experience.

By the way, nobody is drinking on your dime. Every guest has spent money to attend your wedding, so it isn't free to attend.

A photobooth and filet mignon won't trump an open bar. I'm glad you're negotiating with your venue, but at the end of the day, don't charge your guests for liquor at your wedding.

Charging guests for what you should give them isn't formal; it's rude and tacky (and, in this case, confusing).

I think overall when you make a decision about what alcohol (if any) is served at your wedding, you have to take into account your guests and your community. In my particular community, very few if any weddings have open bars, some do have cash bars (and the lastest one I went to the party was still going really strong at 11 pm on a sunday when I left), and some have dry weddings. I've had a great time at all three types of weddings. TBH, the alcohol in open bars isn't that great and is usually watered down. I preferred to have beer/wine options. Also, do guests not tip bar tenders in open bars? Those bartenders are literally the hardest working people I've seen at weddings (I always tip for my drink anyways). If the priority for your guests is dancing, they'll be dancing either way (this is huge in my community). I'm having a dry wedding even though I personally drink, but i would get MAJOR judgement in my community if I were to have any type of alcohol at my wedding. I'm letting my guests know ahead of time and they can choose to do what they want with that information.

For the @OP, I don't know how strict his family is or religiously observant but are THEY upset about having alcohol at the wedding at all and his compromise is that it's only a couple of hours? Something else to consider since his family is Muslim.

I had absolutely NO alcohol at my wedding. It sounds like you're already serving enough, I don't see why you would need to add an open bar, especially if his family doesn't even drink. That sounds like a waste of $for you to provide for the select few who feel like they need more to have a good time. I so don't think it's needed.

Cali_Summersunshine, in the case of only a few people that might like an alcoholic drink, then a consumption bar would be most appropriate.

@Maria - yes, that was a very large part of it... drinking in general is frowned upon with his family and he is contemplating whether he will even have alcohol-free sparkling cider for the toast or not. So, apart from that, drinking to excess is REALLY frowned upon and upsetting. We have talked out a compromise and I think it will work. Definitely new territory for me!

Wow. Cash bars are rude. You can bet your sweet ass that if I'm spending money on an outfit, travel and or hotel accommodations...that I will be pulling the money for my drinks out of your stuffed wedding envelope.

Host a consumption bar or beer and wine if you want to cut costs but don't have a cash bar for f**k sake.

P.s. forego the extras. Most weddi g favors end up in the trash afterwards anyway, whether it be the garbage at the venue or at your guests home. Spend the money on something everyone will enjoy- booze.

My sister had a wedding reception at the restaurant and we all had a couple of drinks. There was 50 people, the total bill was $785. Consumption bar was the route she went. They gave her happy hour prices, so ask about that too. Her day was lovely and people loved it.