Not allowing dates at the head table?

@m The headtable to me is like a tradition kind of like white wedding dresses, throwing bouquets, garter toss, cutting the cake, etc. What is the point to any of it but tradition.

I am doing a spin on the headtable that we are at a rectangle table and are sitting on all 4 sides so we arent starring out at the guests. I am not the hugest fan of the long headtables where everyone is facing the audience cause they can only talk to the people next to them. I like the idea of actual conversation.

My DH is going to be in a wedding next month and I have never met anyone who will be attending it except the groom. I don't know if I'll be sitting with him or if there will be a head table. I'm far more worried about finding something to do while he is getting ready/taking pictures and stuff than about eating dinner separately. At least then I'll have 7 other people to talk to.

My MOH was so thrilled when she asked where her husband would be seated and I said with us. She had been a BM at another wedding and they had made the SOs sit elsewhere and her husband had HATED IT. He didn't know anyone and was miserable (and he's a social guy). I can't imagine making couples sit apart. I can see where it could get a little more difficult if you have just "dates" rather than SOs (we don't have anyone bringing a date-our wedding is pretty small at 35 people) but I would still feel bad making someone sit away from who they came with.

M, I'm from Michigan too.

I don't mind sweetheart tables, but for me I'd rather have a head table just because I feel like there'd be less eyes on me and I'd feel less awkward sitting with them vs 2 in front of 130 people. That's just me though.

I can tell you right now it's zero honor to be on display while eating, and you support the bride or groom during the actual ceremony - if your friend needs support to eat, then there are other issues.

The last 5 weddings I've been too have done the sweetheart table. My FH and I were involved in each of these weddings in some way as part of the BP, but it was just NICE to sit with him! Could I survive? Totally. But eating dinner together is a luxury for us because of his schedule. If we are going to use our very rare vacation days on your wedding, at least let us have some time together once dinner starts!

P.S. Sweetheart Table Bonus: your guests can stop up and say hello to you more easily and get a nice little intimate moment with you.

Since we are having a destination ceremony and an at-home reception, my one BM even said to me "if we can't make it to the islands, we are still going to get to sit at the head table with you at home, right? So we can feel special?" Haha - soooo... I guess that's the point of it. To honor them and show your guests that these are the special people that you chose to be in your bridal party.

We are having a head table with out the spouses. The spouses will be sprinkled here and there. They're all adults and will live! I did invite extra guests for the spouses to be seated with though so no one will be sitting out there all awkward and alone! A sweetheart table is so far from how we envision our first meal as a married couple! The people we asked to stand up for us are our best friends so it's only fitting that we have them with us!!

I only read the first page before getting a little irked. To each their own opinion, certainly, but since when did doing something traditional become rude? The head table without SOs is the traditional, and widely used choice. The sweetheart table is a relatively new but popular choice. The king's table is another acceptable choice that's gaining in popularity.

The part that bugs me about it being rude, is that the assumption that the SOs are going to be sitting with strangers. I'd like to believe that most brides would seat SOs with people they know already, or make an effort to introduce the SOs before the wedding. Perhaps that's not always the case, but either way, the couples have already been split for the ceremony and the pictures, ( nd presumably the bachelor/bachelorette parties and the shower) so another 40 min of dinner won't kill them .

Also, I have never been to a wedding with a sweetheart table, or a king's table and so those are weird to me.

Nattie, for some people it's traditional to do a dollar dance. That doesn't make it ok.

And your last comment, to paraphrase, "I have never seen it, so it's weird." is so close minded and a horrible way to seem persuasive.

@Nattie who the heck has time to introduce the S/O's of the bridal party to other people? Sorry but no I've attended a couple of weddings with my FH when he was a GM and the BM and literally knew no one and the bride and groom didn't make the effort for me to get to know people. And why should they? They have enough things to worry about without having to worry about that too. Hence why a sweetheart table is the most logical choice and it's respectful to the BP dates.

I respect everyones opinion and decision to choose any seating they want.

My reason for seating my BP with their spouses? Because they want to sit with their spouses. I don't need to hear anything more than that. They are my friends and I want to sit them where they want to be seated. I don't know what's "tradition" or normally done, and I honestly don't care. I'm going to seat my friends where they want to be seated because I want them to have fun.

I doubt my friends would complain if I asked them to sit separately, but what's the point? I don't care where they sit, so it's an easy decision. A lot of you sound a lot more passionate about a preference as to where your bridal party sits, and I guess that's where we differ. To each their own.

@FMC - it's really not hard to introduce people to others :/ lol A sweetheart table may work for you and others, but, for some, it doesn't. I sure as hell don't want to have our first meal sitting all by ourselves while we see all of our guests laughing and mingling! My bp were asked to stand up because they are the people we love and want at our sides. It's one meal. One hour. Plus, in our case, we invited extra guests for the spouses specifically so no one is left awkward sitting with tons of strangers. There's never just one right answer or way to do things! OP - is it possible for the spouses to be seated with people they know well? For those that don't know anyone, could you extend an invite to a mutual friend that the spouse does know?

This seems appropriate.

That's quite a paraphrase, I didn't say they are weird, because they are great choices for other people. For me, they seem weird, they seem out of place when imagining my wedding and is not what is done in my circle. I do apologize if it came off more judgmental than just me stating my opinion.

I agree that introducing people isn't difficult. We've had 1 party to introduce the bridal party and SOs to each other already, we plan on doing another one in September. The other 2 weddings I was in/will be in did the same thing. I'm sure everyone can find some sort of opportunity to do this even if its just at the rehearsal dinner.

There are so many answers to this question, so many opinions and so many interpretations. Do what you feel is right for you and your group

Your MOH is being a brat. Its your wedding, and if that's how you want to handle your head table, she should suck it up and deal with it. It's one night, and if you can seat the dates with other people that they know, I don't see the problem. Personally, we are having a wedding part of of 8, 4 and 4. Two of my BMs are my sisters, but their significant others are not a part of the wedding party. They are totally okay with sitting at the head table with their SOs sitting close by at a table. Its pretty much just for dinner, so the bridesmaids will have plenty of time afterwards to spend with their dates. IMO, I just think it would look weird if you have a BP and all their dates at a head table. The same as it would look weird if all your BP had their dates stand up for you with them at the ceremony.

I just think the rudeness logic is ridiculous. If it's rude for the SO's to sit alone, they shouldn't have to sit alone during the ceremony or during cocktail hour either. I personally think it's way more awkward to sit in church by yourself for half an hour waiting for the ceremony to start than it is to have drinks and dinner with people you probably already know without your SO.

I'm in NY and I've only seen sweetheart tables. I would love to sit with my bridal party but I know they would want to sit with their dates.. I just want them to feel comfortable and have a good time--the whole time. Have you talked with your bridal party about the idea?

Last year my FH was the best man at an friend from high schools wedding. I didn't know anyone that was not part of the BP and there was a head table. The worst part about it was that they didn't have assigned seating... It felt like being the new kid in high school cafeteria. If you are doing the traditional head table make sure you account for the bps so and put them at a good table.

It would make people in the bridal party and their SO's more comfortable to sit together, so why would you even think of something different? These are your nearest and dearest.

Of course it won't kill them, but neither will forcing our BM's to all wear the same hairstyle and pay for it, or to wear dresses they're uncomfortable in, or to spend hours taking pictures in the heat. That doesn't make it right. And not all SO's know anybody at the wedding. Out of the 10 members of my bridal party that brought an SO, 3 of them had never met a single person at the wedding other than their me, my H, and their SO. So of course I wouldn't put them at some random table and say "Here, mingle!!" Maybe I'm sensitive to this issue because my H is super introverted and would probably have a panic attack if he were sat at a table with people he didn't know.

Ceremony is different. Sitting in a pew/chair quietly while you wait is very different than being forced to eat with people you don't know. One requires forced conversation which can be very uncomfortable for some people. I also hate the reasoning that it's "traditional". If we did everything the same way it's always been done, weddings would look completely different.

I'm from Michigan and live in Nebraska. The last 3 weddings I've attended in MI (including my own) have had king's tables. I've only attended 2 weddings in Nebraska and they both had head tables. The last 4 weddings I've attended elsewhere in the country have had a sweetheart table. Not to hate on Nebraska, but that might be indicative of where this trend is heading. Nebraska isn't exactly known for being cutting edge.