No gifts?

In my culture, gifts are only given by married couples. It is considered that they are now established enough that they can now help the new couple start their lives together. Basically regifting their good fortune (we only give money, or jewelry if it is family). A registry of all the envelopes and gifts is kept exactly for the purpose of reciprocity. Family members of the same generation also do not generally give gifts. For example, all of my married Aunties will give me a piece of pure gold jewelry when I wed, with the exception of my eldest Auntie who has never wed. I would never expect something from my cousins or my peers.

Traditionally, guests have a up to a year after the wedding to send a gift.
I'm with you, I always bring a card and do my best to "cover my plate."

I wouldn't be offended. People probably can't afford to buy a gift right now with everything going on honestly. I would be happy to just have their love and presence at my wedding 💝

View Quoted Comment 100%! I wouldn’t feel right!

View Quoted Comment Yes! So glad I’m not the only one who feels this way

View Quoted Comment That’s way different..

No you definitely don’t say anything!!!


Some people are just rude and don’t give gifts. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do. I had one couple not give us anything and we quietly distanced ourselves from them. I understand budgets are tight but there’s no reason you can’t at least go get a $2 card when I spent upwards $300 for you guys to come and have a meal and drinks.
You also don’t need to send a thank you note for people who don’t give gifts.

I would!!! But at the same time, it’s a bad year and people lost their jobs and this pandemic is really in the way! I would be offended, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it because it’s nothing you can do about it! Nobody wouldn’t get poop from me for a long time!

Wow! Unfortunately, it is optional. I recommend you let it be.

I never knew gifts were optional. I understand where you're coming from, you most likely had to pay for those people to attend and they didn't give a gift. You are human, you can feel any way you want to, but the best thing is to let it go.

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That is actually not true. I looked into it. It is a weird rule someone invented. I heard that years ago and disagreed with it. If you think about it, you are asking your guests to help pay for a reception you chose to throw. It is up to the bride and groom how much they spend on their day and should not be on the guests to contribute to that. Plus it puts budget friendly brides at a disadvantage.

I get it $250/pp is a lot but unless I am getting a say in what food and drink is being served I know I would not want someone to tell me how to spend my money.

View Quoted Comment Exactly, I don't understand this tit for tat mentality. They are guests, they take time out of their lives to celebrate with you because they love you (not to mention attendance cost). For $250 I can fly to Greece and eat at a Michelin restaurant. Instead I spend hundreds to attend a wedding then pay for my dinner?

View Quoted Comment I never really analyzed it, but always made sure to cover the plate and beyond! Our guests did have a say in their meal and any beverage they could think of, thankfully 😊 But it makes sense to not have that as a rule!

View Quoted Comment I agree! I would have been happy with a card; just says a lot about someone’s character...!

View Quoted Comment We always give hundreds so had no idea people didn’t do this! Now we are aware we don’t always have to give “cost of plate” and more! This is a nice tip and will save us money lol 😊

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LOL I know for $250 I can get a nice steak dinner with the FH with the works and tons of drinks. When I was considering even a small wedding what some places charged per head was not worth it. Heck for less I can get all you can eat brazilian churrasco lol. I mean I am all about giving a gift in honor of someone's wedding but worry I am not paying per plate.

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I mean it is not a bad thing and many people do. I think it is a nice gesture. I try to give a cash gift and decent one for what I can afford. Honestly I usually do $50 lol. Once when my FH was not working I had to give a little less and even for the budget friendly I tipped more than the food was worth pp. I mean I know for me a $250 gift would be a lot for me to handle for my finances but if you can do it awesome. I agree with a pp that it depends on the person too. My FH gave his sister for his wedding over $100 but that is family so I get it. I think at the end giving some sort of gift is definitely nice and respectful but some people do no think like that unfortunately.

Gifts aren't optional. You can show up without one, but it is tacky. If you like the person enough to go to their wedding, you like them enough to give a gift for their WEDDING. No two ways about it.

As the couple, however, you cannot approach someone and ask why they didn't give a gift. If you are legitimately concerned it got stolen, if you know someone close to the person you can discreetly ask. Make it clear you aren't upset (even if you are), you just want to make sure it didn't get lost or stolen.

As an aside, I don't do the cover your plate thing. How are guests supposed to know what the event cost, especially before they get there? I give based on my closeness to the couple.

View Quoted Comment Either way- it would be extremely tacky to ask for a gift. I always bring a gift to an event but you can’t demand one.

View Quoted Comment Either way- you can’t demand one.