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Beginner September 2018

No card/no gift? How long to wait?

Kristin, on October 8, 2018 at 11:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

Hi everyone!

I got married about a month ago, and am wrapping up my thank you notes (I got a new job that starts next week, so had some time off in the interim and need to wrap this up before it starts). There's a few people, both who attended and who didn't attend, that didn't send a gift or card. I would never expect people to give a gift, especially as some of these are grad students and others traveled quite far, but I'm not sure what to do about those who didn't even want to write us a nice message in a card. I don't want to offend anyone by writing a thank-you for attending note if they're still planning on sending something. What do you think it an appropriate length of time to wait to send these? I was just planning on sending these type of notes notes to a small handful of people who didn't get us a gift but who traveled far for the wedding.


We did get a few cards immediately after our wedding from people who weren't able to make it, but it's been a month now and we haven't gotten any cards for 3.5 weeks. How long after your wedding did gifts and cards trickle in?

7 Comments

Latest activity by 2d Bride, on October 8, 2018 at 1:42 PM
  • Christine
    Expert September 2018
    Christine ·
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    I got married 2 weeks ago, have not started my thank-you cards yet. I was going to start them a month after my wedding date. If they did not give me a card or a gift I'm not sending a thank-you card. I had a few people at my wedding that did not give us anything as well. I know people cannot afford to give gifts but they could have went to the dollar store and bought a card and left us a nice message.
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  • Sarah
    Devoted October 2018
    Sarah ·
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    If they came to the wedding and didn't bring a card or gift, you aren't required to send a thank you note. I would just wait and see if they send a gift and if they don't, then don't worry about sending them a thank you.

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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Kristin! I know this seems a bit long but your guests have up to one year after your wedding to send you a present! This may seem a bit late, but some guests simply forget, and will often send a gift months later! In regards to your guests who may not have given you a gift, you may want to check out this really helpful article: How to Deal with “No-Gifters”. This article suggests that you may want to send a thank you note to guests who did not give you a gift thanking them for attending your special day! This will either be a courteous thank you or serve as a friendly reminder that they forgot to give you a wedding present! I hope this helps! Smiley smile

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  • L
    Expert October 2018
    Linda ·
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    Etiquette these days is you send a thank you note for attending. People took time out of there schedules to be with you on your special day. Everyone has busy lives. So it’s proper to thank them for that time. Even if they don’t give you a gift or card. And especially if they traveled any distance.
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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    I do not plan to send thank you notes to anyone who doesn't bring a gift.

    I also don't advise you to send thank you cards to non-gifters. If they really couldn't afford one they will be more embarrassed that you basically subtly acknowledged that they didn't give you anything.

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  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
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    IMO you can never go wrong sending a heartfelt thank you for attending. Some guests incur a lot of expense to be there and their presence is a worthy gift to be thanked for.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    I don't believe that is in fact "etiquette these days." In fact, at one point Miss Manners said that you could potentially offend people by sending a thank you note for attending, as it might be construed as a hint that they should send a gift.

    Plus, it's inconsistent with other situations. If you invite someone over for dinner, they should send you a thank you, rather than vice versa.

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