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Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-)
Master October 2010

Merging two households into one tips/advice? Help for a project.

Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-), on May 10, 2010 at 9:18 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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Hey ladies I have to write a speech for my public speaking class and my topic is how to merge two homes into one. I need “real world” research and I figured who better to ask than a bunch of ladies who are doing it, done it or about to do it. Please share any tips, stories or struggles of trying to merge two homes into one.

20 Comments

  • Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-)
    Master October 2010
    Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-) ·
    • Flag

    To get it started. Try and be sensitive to your partners stuff. What you think is junk they might be very important to them. I tried to throw out FH’s middle school report cards when he first moved in and he and I almost did not speak for two days. I needed to figure out a way to help him organize his “keepsakes” better so that he could still keep his important items, but our limited storage space was used efficiently.

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  • ~Mrs.G~
    Super June 2010
    ~Mrs.G~ ·
    • Flag

    Talk about your expectations for chores like laundry and dishes etc. Work to understand what jobs each of you prefer or despise because when something needs to get done its a lot easier to ask for help with a task they dont hate. Like I dont mind doing launry but i hate to fold it. So I wash and dry and he folds. I'm a better cook and love to do it and he doesnt mind but isnt so great so I cook most nights and he cleans everything up after.

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  • Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-)
    Master October 2010
    Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-) ·
    • Flag

    Thanks @FMG!

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  • J.S.
    Master June 2010
    J.S. ·
    • Flag

    Be logical and try to put emotions aside....if it's not VERY meaningful to you, and unnecessary then throw it out. FH and I struggle because obviously all his stuff had a place in his house before I moved in, and so he gives me crap about not having my stuff organized. I need him to throw/move his stuff, so there's room for mine. And I've been living here for 2 years. LOL.

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  • Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-)
    Master October 2010
    Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-) ·
    • Flag

    That is a good tip for me Jenn! FH moved into my place and I feel like I have tossed a lot of my stuff and gave him basically a whole room for him to run free yet I still get frustrated that the apartment doesn't look like it does when I first moved in. Ahhh!

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  • Shana
    Master October 2011
    Shana ·
    • Flag

    When I moved in with my FH, I was really excited about the prospect of having dinner together on a regular basis. I grew up having family dinners every night. While I love cooking, I really don't like just cooking for myself. The first week I lived with him, I would call up and say, "What do you want to do for dinner?" and when he responded with just, "Oh, don't worry about me, I'll just feed myself when I get home," I'd get really upset, because he didn't understand how much it meant to me. We had a long "conversation" (read: fight) about it and ultimately, he realized it was something important to me. He still get annoyed when I ask what he wants for dinner ("Anything you make is fine by me" doesn't help me figure out what to make!) and sometimes we eat really late, because of when one of us gets home, but if we're home together, we eat together. And I like that.

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  • Kristin
    Dedicated July 2011
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    If you're talking about two single people, there's the issue of stuff, what stays and what goes, but also the issues of traditions and schedules. Family dinner on Sunday is great, but if both people do it, then it conflicts.

    However, if you're talking about to families, then you have additional issues like child-rearing and discipline. This was a huge point of contention with me and my ex and we broke up over it.

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  • Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-)
    Master October 2010
    Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-) ·
    • Flag

    Kristin, that is a good point; about blending families. Does anyone have a child on each side and then moving those in together. So you have a child and FH has a child (that lives with him full time) and blending those together. That can't be easy.

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  • Sharon
    Master June 2010
    Sharon ·
    • Flag

    Realize that it's hard for both of you to start living together. Be sensitive in the beginning that each may need space and time to adjust. Don't accuse the person of changing their mind, not loving you etc., give them time to adapt.

    If there are children, definitely talk about who disciplines etc. Who makes the rules, who enforces the rules.

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  • ladylee
    Master June 2010
    ladylee ·
    • Flag

    Well I think the very first step in combining two households is to decide WHERE the couple is going to reside. Then it's a matter of taking inventory of what each of you has and deciding which is best to keep. Move only what you know you'll use and either give the rest away to a friend/relative in need, have a garage sale or donate to charity. Regardless of who's house it was before the merger, it's now the home of BOTH people. You have to share decision making. I've gone as far as to not buy new furniture last year when I really wanted to but decided to wait and we'd pick out something together. He's asked me not to paint the bathroom when I wanted to but these are decisions we have to share now.

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  • Kristen
    Expert September 2010
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    If possible, try move into a new space together (not someone moving into someone else's apartment). That way, you're starting fresh in a place that's new to both of you, and you can decide where things are going to go, decorate, etc together. FH tried to move into the apartment I had been living in for almost 2 years last spring, and needless to say, it didn't go very well. The space was very small for the both of us, and I had no idea I'd be so territorial about my space. And he never felt 100% comfortable either, as he never felt like the space was "his". Moving into a new space together was fantastic, especially after dealing with a rockyish start to living together.

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  • Julie
    Super May 2011
    Julie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Kristen. When we lived in "his" house I never truly felt like it was "my" house too. Now that we have moved, it totally feels like "our" house. It has made a huge difference in our decorating/space issues.

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  • K
    VIP October 2011
    Krystal ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Kristen! We decided to live with roommates due to income, we couldn't find a place in Pittsburgh that we could afford at all that allowed pets, and this place did. and it was the worst thing we ever did, the one night while we were visiting my parents they called and said "Sorry this isn't working out" and kicked us out onto our asses even though we gave up our one year anniversary to pay security deposit. and this was not even two months after we moved in. Now we ended up staying in my hometown, about an hour away from Pittsburgh, and ended up working much better because two weeks after we moved in the apartment above us caught on fire and if we were in Pitt when that happened My parents wouldn't have been ten minutes away to help us get our food to their house before it went bad and My parents have been godsends throughout this whole ordeal - they helped us move, they helped us get new furniture after the fire. but now everything is starting to settle down and it's (cont

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  • K
    VIP October 2011
    Krystal ·
    • Flag

    So nice because I feel like I can finally organize our apartment to our liking and get the grasp down on wedding planning - Plus FH has an interview wednesday and it seems like everything is falling into place now. but I'm not allowed to touch his desk, I can clean anything I want BUT his desk. haha

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  • K
    VIP October 2011
    Krystal ·
    • Flag

    By one year anniversary, I mean we were supposed to go on vacation to Myrtle Beach before we got the apartment. and these people did this to us after we helped them move, put them on our credit card, and put them on our cellphone plan. we ended up taking them to court for the money they owe us and they have to pay us 200 a month by the end of each month. so yeah Whatever you do, don't live with roommates! It made both of us so hopeless about moving out again because it was really hard to find places after it happened.

    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted September 2010
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Kristen. If you can move into a new space together that really helps to limit that "sense of ownership."

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag

    We moved into a house that was new to both of us. So we were able to mesh our stuff together while unpacking. The child thing is a HUGE hurdle in itself. Corgan (FH's 5 year old) got his own room so he was able to make it his own and feel comfortable--until our daughter was born about a year ago now they share--dif topic. I agree discipline needs to be discussed. We jointly discipline but I'm the more strict one solely because of the expectations I personally was raised with. One of the things that have been hard is all the little trinkets FH loves to have out vs all of my decorations. I had my own place before living together and he lived with a roommate so I had all the interior decorating already done then meshing his into mine was difficult which was why it was nice to go to a new place together. Also money is a huge issue that needs to be tackled when you live together. Are you going to have a joint account or seperate? That's our biggest issue right now. We have a

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  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag

    Joint and I have a seperate just for the wedding money and it seems to be making it hard and there are days I'

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag

    What the hell... **I'm so close to seperating our accounts because it is hard for both of us to justify what money goes where.

    • Reply
  • Denise livin on 5
    VIP June 2010
    Denise livin on 5 ·
    • Flag

    Geez, this is a doozy!

    I'm very minimalistic and FH loves to collect "stuff". His mom's house had a fire and she had to move to a much smaller place for a while and she gave lots of her stuff to him. And he still had it all when he moved in with me, even though she got a much larger place.

    So, when he moved in with me, I didnt have a lot of "stuff" cause thats how I like it. I'm not much for what I call "clutter". And he just starts puttin stuff here and there. It made for a lot of hurt feelings and some arguing, but I think we're getting there. lol Gosh, I hope so after almost 2 years.

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